Chronic illnesses.

[ckelley116]

Is it just me, or are chronic illnesses (aside from MS) not a common worry among those with HA? I never worried about them myself until the last few weeks, when I developed a condition commonly seen in the earliest stages of rheumatoid arthritis. But when searching the forums (rather than Google) for information, I found next to nothing--mostly posts by people who have the conditions (RA, lupus, fibromyalgia, etc.) rather than by people who fear them. I just found that strange. I'm still waiting for appointments to be made and test results to be given, but I'm terrified of what I might be told.

[cattia]

I fear chronic illnesses and always have done. ME/ CFS is one of my main fears. I've also feared chronic Lyme's and at the moment fibromyalgia. The main thing I fear about these are ongoing fatigue rather than pain. I hate the feeling of having no energy, it's a massive fear of mine that I could have to live like that indefinitely for years and years or even forever.

[ckelley116]

I hear that. I think my fear is mostly of losing the person I am now. I don't have the most exciting, dynamic life, but I love my life. I'm terrified of the thought of my hands being so painful or even deforming so I can't write my novels or do graphic design anymore - I'm literally this close to getting promoted to my dream job of book designer at my current place of work, but if I'm diagnosed with something that could result in me not being able to use my hands, there goes that possibility. (I know the deformity isn't immediate or even guaranteed, but the possibility is there, and that's enough to scare me.) I also fear losing my sense of self - not being able to wear the jewelry I love because it won't fit over swollen knuckles or wrists, my favorite shoes because my toes or ankles are painful, or putting on makeup or styling my hair because I can't lift my arms or hold a makeup brush. And I hate the thought of losing my independence. I never realized how much I appreciated having the ability to go out and grab dinner for myself if I didn't feel like cooking (although I love cooking and dread the thought of not being able to do it), or make spur of the moment shopping plans with my mom or sister. Faced with the potential of eventually losing that, I'm so scared.

[cattia]

I think for me HA mostly has to do with a fear of loss. I fear exactly what you describe although in different ways. I fear that an illness that makes me chronically ill and exhausted will mean the loss of my freedom to spend my time how I wish, to enjoy my children, to basically live the life I choose. It's ironic in many ways because the illness I definitely do have - anxiety, already does rob me of those things to quite an extent! I fear cancer for the same reasons, because of the loss of my life, and my family. So all my fears are centred around fear of loss, either through death or through the loss of my life in different ways. I hope you don't get diagnosed with RA. For me that isn't one of my fears so I am able to think rationally about it and feel that it probably wouldn't be nearly as bad as you fear. It's strange how illnesses that you don't fear you can think rationally about but those you do fear seem completely overwhelming and likr there is no way you could bear it if you had them. MS for example, isn't something that really scares me whereas cancer and ME really do. It's really irrational.