scared I’m going to die

[EmmyW1984]

I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to word this, so I’ll apologise in advance if it’s a bit of a ramble

I’m morbidly obese and I’m fully aware of the risks that this poses to my health. I am trying to do something about it and have restarted my slimming world journey to get the weight down. But, I’m living life terrified that I’m going to die of a heart attack or another complication because of how big I am.

I’ve pulled something in my back and shoulder because of a horrible cough I’ve had and every little twinge, every little ache is setting me into a cold sweat and my heart pounding. I’ve been so anxious and scared today that I got my husband to drop me off at his parents’ house so that I wouldn’t be on my own in case something happened.

I’m sat here, scared to go to sleep, because I’ve got it stuck in my head that I’m going to die in my sleep and I don’t want my 20 month old girl to lose her mummy. My heart is pounding, I feel cold and I can’t stop crying.

I’m only on 10mg of citalopram at the moment and I’m going to phone the dr first thing in the morning to get that reviewed as the bad days are outweighing the good days at the moment. I was meant to get an appointment for today but missed the cut off for phoning for an appointment, so need to set an alarm for the morning so that I know that I’m awake in time.

I hate feeling like this. All I do is worry and get myself worked up. I can’t see a way out at the moment

[vicky-chick]

Hiya.. My name is Victoria and I have the exact same thing (health anxiety).. I am constantly worried about my heart and terrified that I am going to have a heart attack.. That's brilliant to hear that you have started back to slimming world because losing your weight will defo give you a different mind set and hopefully help you! So good luck! Last week I took a panic attack in work where my heart started to go really fast.. I had to phone my partner and he came and got me and took me to his mums because I couldnt face being on my own either.. So your defo not alone.. I was lying in bed about 1 hour ago and started to really think about my heart to the stage where I could feel it beating.. I obviously then got myself into a state and I started crying.. My partner then got me up and changed my way of thinking and now I feel totally fine.. If you lie in bed and keep thinking about it, it is only going to get worse.. So do something, anything.. I'm hope I have helped you feel a little better and I am really sorry that I can't make it totally better.. Thats all I wish for too.. But it will take time.. Just stay positive and mentally active!


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[Mindprison]

Hi there

You didn't mention what age you are and it might be wrong to assume you're young but its my best guess if you have a young child. Apologies if anything about that statement seems offensive

Anyway, the reason I wonder is because while its true that maintaining a healthy weight is important, its much better to do something about it sooner rather than later. You're on the right track trying to get fitter so thats good.

If you are young with no actual heart defects, the chances of you having a heart attack are still not very high all things considered. However if you maintain an unhealthy weight from your teens til your 40s then you will most likely start to experience health problems from the amount of punishment your body has endured all those years.

The heart racing and muscle spasms are something I experience daily, i am slightly overweight but anxiety is the main reason I get them. You should see an improvment as you lose weight, get fitter and treat the anxiety.

10mg citalopram is quite a low dose, i was on 40mg at one point so there is a lot of room for that dose to go up.

Anyway, I don't think you are in immediate danger. Ask your doctor about the dose, keep up with losing the weight and you will be feeling much better i'm sure

[EmmyW1984]

Thanks for the replies :)

Mindprison, I’m 34.

I will admit that I’m beating myself up about the weight as I lost so much while I was pregnant and then piled it all back on and more besides with comfort eating after losing my mum last year.

Normally I can talk myself down, but it feels like that is becoming less and less frequent.

[Mindprison]

34 is still young and since your weight has fluctuated your chances are still pretty damn good.

It's not easy to deal with weight problems sometimes so try not to beat yourself up so much. I lost 4 stones 3 years ago and now ive put 5 back on. Mostly due to mirtazapine AND pregabalin making me hungry.

Stress eating is a common symptom, I also do it.

You put weight on, sure...but it's not set in stone. Your weight will change so stay positive if you can

[ankietyjoe]

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

Have you ever heard of intermittent fasting? I've found it a much easier way to manage weight. I got pretty overweight when anxiety kept me indoors for a few years, but I'm not convinced conventional diets work.

The added benefit is that your body goes into a state of repair during the fasting stage too.

Contrary to popular opinion, fasting does not slow down your metabolism at all.

I fast for 16 hours and eat for 8 (usually 1pm-9pm), meaning all I do is skip breakfast. Again, not bad for you.....

It sounds like you're NOT living in denial, which I think is the biggest hurdle for most people losing weight. I'm sure you'll be fine.

[EmmyW1984]

I saw the dr this morning and she has upped my meds for a month and wants me to go back to her next month to review whether I can stay at 20mg or if it needs upping again.

My husband has just gone to work (he does 2pm until 10pm) and I’m already a wreck. I can’t keep relying on my in laws to keep me company as they have their own stuff going on. But I feel terrified that something is going to happen while I’m on my own with my daughter and that she will be left to fend for herself until my husband gets home from work.

I hate feeling like this. It makes me feel like such a failure

[Speranza]

Hey, you're not a failure!! You're taking steps to sort things out, you're losing weight, you're married (so must be a good companion).

I think it is very normal to have concerns about not being there for our kids when you're a young parent. Perhaps that has fed into the bereavement and everything else.

You are ok. Keep talking to us. x

[EmmyW1984]

We’re awake with our little girl trying to get her back to sleep. I’ve been doing some acidic burps, which common sense tells me I’ve got indigestion. I had a couple of sharp pains on my left side and it set me off in a cold sweat and heart racing, so I asked my husband to take our daughter for a minute because I was panicking and he got really snappy and said “well you’re always panicking!”

I feel like such a burden when I get like this and his comment hasn’t made me feel any better. All I wanted was some help while I calmed myself down :(

[poppy77]

Emmy, you are doing all the right things to get on the road to recovery.

Well done for starting the journey to lose weight, that will make you more positive as well as hep your general health.

Well done for speaking to the doctors and get seen for your anxiety. You are doing all the right things.

It sounds as if you're suffering from a bit of post natal anxiety/depression. You sound a bit like me after I had my third child: fearful, panicky, scared to be on my own, heart racing. Good news, is that it does get better in time. Your meds will get you better, along with maybe some talking therapies, and you will gradually get back to normal.

My husband was exactly the same. It's difficult for someone who doesn't have health anxiety to truly understand the mindset of someone who does. My husband is the type who,if he has a health concern, goes to the doctor, takes the medication, is reassured and moves on. He never doubts or Googled! He got very annoyed and frustrated with me. He couldn't understand why I didn't just accept what the doctor (many doctors!) was telling me. It's understandable this frustration as they see someone they love getting in such a state (irrational in their mind) and can't do anything about it. Things will get better. Maybe take your husband along to the next doctors appointment. He may be able to better understand. Also, when I was at my worst, I found this helpful as he could really take on board what the doctor was telling me, as I had a habit of 'hearing what I wanted to hear' and reading into the doctor's every comment.

Plus, with the heart racing, I got put on Propanalol to help with this until my meds started to work properly.

Good news is that I'm off the meds now and my health anxiety is a lot better. I am sure you will be a lot better soon. Xxx