jakagraham
07-01-18, 05:04
Hey guys,
Long time reader but this is my first post, so hi! My name is Jamie and I have had quite bad anxiety generally for my whole adult life (I'm 31 now). I've suffered from health anxiety my whole life too, but it got very bad in 2012 when I had a sort of weird hormonal problem which left me feeling very ill. I suffered a few months of really debilitating anxiety at that time which robbed me of all my confidence and so on, and since then I've had a hard time keeping a job.
This year, I felt I was coping reasonably with the day to day stuff, but these last few months, I've been going downhill fast. I have a few health worries myself which I tend to focus on, but my big worry just now is my parents or my girlfriend dying. I didn't realise it until recently, but a big part of my anxiety is the fear that I'll be left alone and afraid. My parents are in their sixties, and I have begun to accept that one day they won't be here any more, but I'm realising now just how much I rely on the knowledge that they will be there and I can count on their support (and when they are gone, that I can count on the support of my girlfriend). I know that reliance on such is Officially Not Good and very likely an indication of how fragile my coping mechanisms are, also.
Now, my girlfriend has recently found a lump on her body which needs to be checked out at the hospital, and we are currently waiting on an appointment for this. This appears to have been the straw that broke the camel's back, because I'm really struggling to cope now. All I think about now is how awful things will be, dealing with loss and being left on my own when I can barely function acceptably already. This sounds INCREDIBLY selfish. I don't mean it to be, and that's another reason why I hate these thoughts.
I dunno how to get out of this cycle of worry, basically. I'm anxious and depressed and tearful (not like me) constantly at the moment, though I'm putting on a brave face for my girlfriend because I don't want to add to her worries. Anyway, thanks for reading. Any help coping would be much appreciated. :)
Long time reader but this is my first post, so hi! My name is Jamie and I have had quite bad anxiety generally for my whole adult life (I'm 31 now). I've suffered from health anxiety my whole life too, but it got very bad in 2012 when I had a sort of weird hormonal problem which left me feeling very ill. I suffered a few months of really debilitating anxiety at that time which robbed me of all my confidence and so on, and since then I've had a hard time keeping a job.
This year, I felt I was coping reasonably with the day to day stuff, but these last few months, I've been going downhill fast. I have a few health worries myself which I tend to focus on, but my big worry just now is my parents or my girlfriend dying. I didn't realise it until recently, but a big part of my anxiety is the fear that I'll be left alone and afraid. My parents are in their sixties, and I have begun to accept that one day they won't be here any more, but I'm realising now just how much I rely on the knowledge that they will be there and I can count on their support (and when they are gone, that I can count on the support of my girlfriend). I know that reliance on such is Officially Not Good and very likely an indication of how fragile my coping mechanisms are, also.
Now, my girlfriend has recently found a lump on her body which needs to be checked out at the hospital, and we are currently waiting on an appointment for this. This appears to have been the straw that broke the camel's back, because I'm really struggling to cope now. All I think about now is how awful things will be, dealing with loss and being left on my own when I can barely function acceptably already. This sounds INCREDIBLY selfish. I don't mean it to be, and that's another reason why I hate these thoughts.
I dunno how to get out of this cycle of worry, basically. I'm anxious and depressed and tearful (not like me) constantly at the moment, though I'm putting on a brave face for my girlfriend because I don't want to add to her worries. Anyway, thanks for reading. Any help coping would be much appreciated. :)