lofwyr
09-01-18, 14:54
So, as some may or may not know, I have an aortic aneurysm which was found incidentally, and will likely require surgery sometime in the next two years, according to my cardio thoracic surgeon. Oddly, I am not even remotely panicked about this, I have used it as a vehicle to learn to live in the moment, and it has honestly turned into a positive. I was doing really well, the operative word is "was."
As part of monitoring the aneurysm I had two CT scans last year, one after diagnosis on August 1, and another on December 5 to see if it was fast growing (it had gone unchanged, so great news there). But as it turns out, I had two lung nodules, both small buggers at 3 and 4 mm. There was literally a less than 1% chance they were cancer. I was still okay with that but dutifully made my appointment with the pulmonolgist which I have February 7 of this year as I was told to do by my surgeon. I do not have another CT scan until October of this year.
Her office had me fill out a questionnaire, which asked me questions to assess my risk etc. Three things make my nodes higher risk. They are more likely to be cancerous if they are in the upper lobe, which both are. They are more likely to be malignant if there is more than one, and there are two. They are more likely to be malignant if the are non calcified (well, calcified nodules are harmless granulomas, so this one is an obvious one) which they are. My smoking history is negligible, but still counts. I smoked for five and a half years, quitting 20 years ago next month.
This, on the Fleischer chart brings my risk up to the "monitor for a year and watch and wait, scan again the following year if no change." Being located in the upper lobe is the big risk factor that jumps me up a notch. It takes me from a less than 1% chance of malignancy to a 3 to 5% chance, which sets off my anxiety mind badly. It shouldn't, but it does.
Going for me, I know that they have not grown in the 5 months they were scanned, so that is good. For all I know they have been there for years. The size is also the smallest category, which is good. If they were in my lower lobe, the observation guidelines would be to scan once in 12 months, and if they hadn't grown, ignore them and consider them benign. But because they are in the upper lobe, the guidelines are to scan them for two years. After two years, without change, they are considered benign.
So far, so good. But I cannot hang on to that. I am trying so hard. These stupid nodules, just because they are in my upper right lobe, and because there are two of them, jumped me to a category that is really, really scaring me, even though by the numbers there is still a 95% chance of being benign. If I had a 95% chance of surviving my drive to work, I would not even think about it. Why can't I apply that same logic? I know it's there, I just cannot use it.
I am so scared, and cannot let go. I hope to get some answers from the pulmonologist, but there is honestly little she can do besides watch and wait, something really fun for a guy with GAD.
Does anyone out there have higher risk nodules that are or were being watched? I would love to hear some coping mechanisms for waiting on something to see if it is bad. The aneurysm, which statistically is more dangerous to me than the nodules, doesn't bother me in the least. I guess it is the word cancer that is really scaring me here. And even the words of wisdom from Fishmanpa "it's not cancer until it's cancer" don't seem to get through my thick skull.
As part of monitoring the aneurysm I had two CT scans last year, one after diagnosis on August 1, and another on December 5 to see if it was fast growing (it had gone unchanged, so great news there). But as it turns out, I had two lung nodules, both small buggers at 3 and 4 mm. There was literally a less than 1% chance they were cancer. I was still okay with that but dutifully made my appointment with the pulmonolgist which I have February 7 of this year as I was told to do by my surgeon. I do not have another CT scan until October of this year.
Her office had me fill out a questionnaire, which asked me questions to assess my risk etc. Three things make my nodes higher risk. They are more likely to be cancerous if they are in the upper lobe, which both are. They are more likely to be malignant if there is more than one, and there are two. They are more likely to be malignant if the are non calcified (well, calcified nodules are harmless granulomas, so this one is an obvious one) which they are. My smoking history is negligible, but still counts. I smoked for five and a half years, quitting 20 years ago next month.
This, on the Fleischer chart brings my risk up to the "monitor for a year and watch and wait, scan again the following year if no change." Being located in the upper lobe is the big risk factor that jumps me up a notch. It takes me from a less than 1% chance of malignancy to a 3 to 5% chance, which sets off my anxiety mind badly. It shouldn't, but it does.
Going for me, I know that they have not grown in the 5 months they were scanned, so that is good. For all I know they have been there for years. The size is also the smallest category, which is good. If they were in my lower lobe, the observation guidelines would be to scan once in 12 months, and if they hadn't grown, ignore them and consider them benign. But because they are in the upper lobe, the guidelines are to scan them for two years. After two years, without change, they are considered benign.
So far, so good. But I cannot hang on to that. I am trying so hard. These stupid nodules, just because they are in my upper right lobe, and because there are two of them, jumped me to a category that is really, really scaring me, even though by the numbers there is still a 95% chance of being benign. If I had a 95% chance of surviving my drive to work, I would not even think about it. Why can't I apply that same logic? I know it's there, I just cannot use it.
I am so scared, and cannot let go. I hope to get some answers from the pulmonologist, but there is honestly little she can do besides watch and wait, something really fun for a guy with GAD.
Does anyone out there have higher risk nodules that are or were being watched? I would love to hear some coping mechanisms for waiting on something to see if it is bad. The aneurysm, which statistically is more dangerous to me than the nodules, doesn't bother me in the least. I guess it is the word cancer that is really scaring me here. And even the words of wisdom from Fishmanpa "it's not cancer until it's cancer" don't seem to get through my thick skull.