Can't find a 'safe' place

[chellebelle]

When my panic is really bad I go to the ambulance station or hospital and sit outside it in my car, feeling safer knowing that help is right there. Today I had a headache and some visual disturbances that prompted me to call an ambulance. When I got the hospital, I still didn't feel safe and just wanted to leave (which I did). At the moment there's nowhere I fee safe - hospital, ambulance station, GP. I don't know what to do as I feel there is no escape. I'm so scared I'm dying. Does anyone know how this feels/have any suggestions?

Thanks!

[ana]

I do know what that feels like. When my panic is at its peak, I find comfort in holding my phone, knowing I could ring for help any time. I always feel like I'm disintegrating and like I'm in a desperate need of someone's help. I feel like escaping my own self.

My safe place, however, is home. Perhaps you can find a person you trust, someone you feel can be your 'safe place'. I wouldn't know what else to suggest. Do, however, know, that I completely understand how you feel. Nowhere is safe and nothing feels right. We're in the same boat...

[Carys]

The trick is to recognise that the 'safe space' can be found in your mind, in your own head and isn't related to the physical space you are in. It is about building coping strategies that aren't related to where you stand or sit or 'run to' but strategies that you can use whereever you are at that point in time. I recognise exactly what you are saying - it is that type of feeling I used to have years ago - sitting at the back of halls so I could run out quickly, retreating to my house for weeks because it was ok there, standing by the front door so that I could open it and call for help if needed, not being left alone as that made me feel safer.
I'm afraid that for many people, myself included years ago, the safe spaces tend to become less and less and life becomes tighter and 'smaller' as it limits even further where you go, and what you do. As you are looking for external reassuranceyou are never building internal reassurance. Raindrops has explained that really well below, 'if I could get that feeling like I have in my bed, to be within me, then I'd be safe anywhere'. You aren't dying, panic and panic attacks won't kill you, it is horrendous and debilitating but it won't cause any long term problems and neither will you drop dead (however much you feel like it at the time ). SO, the fact that you sit at the ambulance station thinking you need their help is a false thought, you don't need help from others, because ultimately it isn't a threat to your life, a panic attack is just that....it has a limited life span and will disappear once its accepted its a panic attack.

I don't know if you've had some therapy for your fears, anxiety and panic attacks. I really think it would help you to start building the skills to find safety in your own thought processes. There is a lot of work that could be done on helping you, trust me, so that you find you don't need to keep 'escaping' and running from the fear. I can see why you didn't feel safe even at the hospital, thats kind of how panic and anxiety catches up with you eventually it can chip away at your 'safe areas'.... you CAN do it though, just as so many before you have and you will feel liberated. Is there anyone you could contact to start the process of some mental health support? So so many of us have been there, where you are now, you can take control of this with some support.

[lior]

So many useful things have been said here! Great responses :)

I would like to add that it is possible to create new safe spaces/activities in the short term, while you are working on the long term solutions.

The way I create new safe spaces is through repeated habit. Familiarity = safe. So routine = safe. You can choose which space you would like to make 'safe'. Keep going there at a certain time of day. It won't feel immediately 'safe', but over time it will become that way.

[ana]

I completely agree with lior, great advice!

[fishman65]

Ultimately I think we are trying to find safe places from ourselves, as you good people have touched on here. Assuming that's the case, we can keep running forever but if we carry the danger with us then we are destined to remain unsafe in our own minds.

Though this afternoon after taking my daughter to work, I knew I had to call into the supermarket for items. The anxiety was starting to mount but I suddenly thought 'oh just do what you like then'. You could call it resignation but the symptoms did ease :)

[ankietyjoe]

The trick is to recognise that the 'safe space' can be found in your mind, in your own head and isn't related to the physical space you are in. It is about building coping strategies that aren't related to where you stand or sit or 'run to' but strategies that you can use whereever you are at that point in time.

This is absolutely 100% spot on. It takes practice, but can be done.

I used to do the same thing. Sit near exits, only go shopping in places that I could get back to the car in 90 seconds etc etc.