I don’t know how to deal with this any more

[Pollikin]

Really really in need of some help here. Have had a growing anxiety about my health since being diagnosed with an unusual and unpredictable auto immune disease about 10 years ago. Am doing ok with hat particular issue but have found myself obsessing about all manner of symptoms, some of which I’m sure are imagined but some of which are very real. I’ve done the unpardonable and trawled the internet looking for more benign reasons for them than I fear. But I am so unutterably miserable. I have just sat here and cried til I thought my heart would hreak , partly worrying about symptoms and dreadful diagnoses and partly because I don’t know how to go on like this. The worry is swallowing all my happiness and peace. I don’t sleep well and I’ve lost interest in meeting friends and doing my hobbies because of the constant worrying. Part of me tries SO hard to be rational but I worry that when the latest problem is sorted ( or not) there will just be something else. Please, if there’s anyone out there who can tell me how they cope or give me some hope that there’s a light at the end of what feels like a very long very black tunnel, I’d be so grateful. I really don’t want to be like this. I want to be the me I used to be.

[axolotl]

Really really in need of some help here. Have had a growing anxiety about my health since being diagnosed with an unusual and unpredictable auto immune disease about 10 years ago. Am doing ok with hat particular issue but have found myself obsessing about all manner of symptoms, some of which I’m sure are imagined but some of which are very real. I’ve done the unpardonable and trawled the internet looking for more benign reasons for them than I fear. But I am so unutterably miserable. I have just sat here and cried til I thought my heart would hreak , partly worrying about symptoms and dreadful diagnoses and partly because I don’t know how to go on like this. The worry is swallowing all my happiness and peace. I don’t sleep well and I’ve lost interest in meeting friends and doing my hobbies because of the constant worrying. Part of me tries SO hard to be rational but I worry that when the latest problem is sorted ( or not) there will just be something else. Please, if there’s anyone out there who can tell me how they cope or give me some hope that there’s a light at the end of what feels like a very long very black tunnel, I’d be so grateful. I really don’t want to be like this. I want to be the me I used to be.

You realise this is a disorder and something you need help for - that's a great first step. Some people spend months or even years chasing phantom illness reassurances on here before they realise that.

I see from your profile flag you're in the UK, in which case you have professional help available to you. You can see your GP to talk this through, or if you can't face that or would rather do it yourself, you can self-refer through IAPT (https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008). Through therapy, or medication, or a mixture of the two you can get through this.

The NHS is underfunded, and waiting lists can be long, but help is there. I'm nearly at the end of a 12 week course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and while it shouldn't be seen as a cure-all it's powerful and strongly helps you to have different relationships with your thoughts, and get out of a cycle of catastrophising and live your life. But it may be medication is more suitable for you, and there's nothing wrong with that if so.

I can so relate to your post, and I'm sure many others can too. This thing can totally eat away at your quality of life, but please be assured if you seek help you can improve.

[melfish]

I can relate too. You have pretty much described my life right now. I rarely leave the house. I've lost interest in everything. I am barely functioning above mere maintenance level. Each day is a struggle to get through. It's no way to live. I have no advice to offer but just wanted to put up my hand and say, "me too".

[Pollikin]

Axylotl and melfish. Thankyou so much for your support and advice. I’ve made an appoinymthent to see my doctor in a couple of weeks. I’ll manage til then. I wish you well and wish you weren’t feeling like this either but it does help to feel no alone with this. Much love

[Potter86]

I can relate too. You have pretty much described my life right now. I rarely leave the house. I've lost interest in everything. I am barely functioning above mere maintenance level. Each day is a struggle to get through. It's no way to live. I have no advice to offer but just wanted to put up my hand and say, "me too".

+1

[cattia]

I totally relate to you. I have been feeling like this a lot lately. I've always had health anxiety but it has ramped up a gear over the past year and I also feel it is affecting my motivation and energy to so anything. I'm trying the counselling route but medication can also help when you hit rock bottom. Also accepting that you can't wait until your symptoms go away before you get better because you will always have symptoms and bodily sensations that you can misinterpret and obsess over. Once one goes another will always take its place.

[BazB44]

some words of advice, this is how I overcame my anxiety and believe me it was haaaaaaard. And then I started back up again a few months ago and anxiety is in full attack mode on me lol.

I stopped testing myself. I stopped googling. I got off for the forums. I went out and joined social groups. I ate better. I exercised.

[tryingtosurvive1]

I can relate too. You have pretty much described my life right now. I rarely leave the house. I've lost interest in everything. I am barely functioning above mere maintenance level. Each day is a struggle to get through. It's no way to live. I have no advice to offer but just wanted to put up my hand and say, "me too".

what are you worried about? still ALS? (which you don't have) It sounds like you've really fallen into a bad HA hole!