Bastett
11-01-18, 22:32
So last Friday night I felt something suspicious in my breast under the skin in the tissue. Very small, though, not bigger than a head of a match (even smaller). Anyways I panicked and cried all Saturday and Sunday, had thoughts that if it turned out to be breast cancer I would jump into the river when my baby is born. I even told my husband (in tears) that he would have to raise our child alone. On Monday morning I rushed to an ultrasound of breasts (cost me much because I was paying myself and it was arranged the same day I called them). Doctor that performed the ultrasound specifically said that she did not see anything sinister at all - she saw what I felt, but it was a normal occurence, just an engorged milk duct and I could only feel it because it was closer to my skin than the others (I can feel others but they feel softer because of the fatty tissue between the skin and them). She even showed me that on the ultrasound and said not to worry that it is not cancer (she even wrote it in the results.. that no malignancy is seen) Of course I still worry since I am a worrier, and I think I read somewhere that they are not always able to see on ultrasound. The thing that makes me feel calmer is that she did see what I felt and said it was normal. I would be more worried if she said that the whatever it was, cannot be seen... Just an engorged milk duct (engorged due to my pregnancy) Armpit lymphnodes were fine too.
I am calmer and don't cry anymore but I can't stop poking it still when I can. I try to believe her but the thought in my head just keeps saying - you are just married, pregnant and happy - how long can that last?
Anyways I visited a psychiatrist today in hopes that she would prescribe me something that I could safely take in pregnancy because I can't take it anymore. I read that sertraline is fine during pregnancy and is safe.
I told her everything. That I now have been scared of already 4 cancers during the last 7 weeks (and each scare has me in tears and in complete terror). She didn't give me the prescription! Turns out she is also a psychoterapist and thinks that I'd better come each week to her for a therapy. I don't think it is a good idea. Firstly she was very expensive and in all honesty I can't afford paying 10% of my monthly salary each week. Secondly, I don't think therapy can help me in this acute phase.
Not sure what to do now.
As for my breast I try to reason with myself that I will go for another breast ultrasound every 3 months to ensure that everything is fine. There isn't anything they can do now to ease my fears because everything that could be done is already done - ultrasound with normal results. No mammogram would be performed on me due to my pregnancy and due to my age (dense breasts, I am 27). And as for the biopsy that is the only reliable tool to diagnose these kind of things I don't think anyone would allow me to book a biopsy if there was nothing to take biopsy from. I mean, there is a small lump (but honestly it now feels like a milk duct after she showed and said to me... I can feel that it is longer like a tunnel... like other tunnels in my breast I can feel further down there).
I am just writing it off my chest now.
I am calmer and don't cry anymore but I can't stop poking it still when I can. I try to believe her but the thought in my head just keeps saying - you are just married, pregnant and happy - how long can that last?
Anyways I visited a psychiatrist today in hopes that she would prescribe me something that I could safely take in pregnancy because I can't take it anymore. I read that sertraline is fine during pregnancy and is safe.
I told her everything. That I now have been scared of already 4 cancers during the last 7 weeks (and each scare has me in tears and in complete terror). She didn't give me the prescription! Turns out she is also a psychoterapist and thinks that I'd better come each week to her for a therapy. I don't think it is a good idea. Firstly she was very expensive and in all honesty I can't afford paying 10% of my monthly salary each week. Secondly, I don't think therapy can help me in this acute phase.
Not sure what to do now.
As for my breast I try to reason with myself that I will go for another breast ultrasound every 3 months to ensure that everything is fine. There isn't anything they can do now to ease my fears because everything that could be done is already done - ultrasound with normal results. No mammogram would be performed on me due to my pregnancy and due to my age (dense breasts, I am 27). And as for the biopsy that is the only reliable tool to diagnose these kind of things I don't think anyone would allow me to book a biopsy if there was nothing to take biopsy from. I mean, there is a small lump (but honestly it now feels like a milk duct after she showed and said to me... I can feel that it is longer like a tunnel... like other tunnels in my breast I can feel further down there).
I am just writing it off my chest now.