New fears and failed psychiatrist consultation

[Bastett]

So last Friday night I felt something suspicious in my breast under the skin in the tissue. Very small, though, not bigger than a head of a match (even smaller). Anyways I panicked and cried all Saturday and Sunday, had thoughts that if it turned out to be breast cancer I would jump into the river when my baby is born. I even told my husband (in tears) that he would have to raise our child alone. On Monday morning I rushed to an ultrasound of breasts (cost me much because I was paying myself and it was arranged the same day I called them). Doctor that performed the ultrasound specifically said that she did not see anything sinister at all - she saw what I felt, but it was a normal occurence, just an engorged milk duct and I could only feel it because it was closer to my skin than the others (I can feel others but they feel softer because of the fatty tissue between the skin and them). She even showed me that on the ultrasound and said not to worry that it is not cancer (she even wrote it in the results.. that no malignancy is seen) Of course I still worry since I am a worrier, and I think I read somewhere that they are not always able to see on ultrasound. The thing that makes me feel calmer is that she did see what I felt and said it was normal. I would be more worried if she said that the whatever it was, cannot be seen... Just an engorged milk duct (engorged due to my pregnancy) Armpit lymphnodes were fine too.

I am calmer and don't cry anymore but I can't stop poking it still when I can. I try to believe her but the thought in my head just keeps saying - you are just married, pregnant and happy - how long can that last?



Anyways I visited a psychiatrist today in hopes that she would prescribe me something that I could safely take in pregnancy because I can't take it anymore. I read that sertraline is fine during pregnancy and is safe.

I told her everything. That I now have been scared of already 4 cancers during the last 7 weeks (and each scare has me in tears and in complete terror). She didn't give me the prescription! Turns out she is also a psychoterapist and thinks that I'd better come each week to her for a therapy. I don't think it is a good idea. Firstly she was very expensive and in all honesty I can't afford paying 10% of my monthly salary each week. Secondly, I don't think therapy can help me in this acute phase.

Not sure what to do now.


As for my breast I try to reason with myself that I will go for another breast ultrasound every 3 months to ensure that everything is fine. There isn't anything they can do now to ease my fears because everything that could be done is already done - ultrasound with normal results. No mammogram would be performed on me due to my pregnancy and due to my age (dense breasts, I am 27). And as for the biopsy that is the only reliable tool to diagnose these kind of things I don't think anyone would allow me to book a biopsy if there was nothing to take biopsy from. I mean, there is a small lump (but honestly it now feels like a milk duct after she showed and said to me... I can feel that it is longer like a tunnel... like other tunnels in my breast I can feel further down there).


I am just writing it off my chest now.

[Mindprison]

Do you not have a GP? How come you're paying out of pocket for psychiatric treatment and scans? Surely you should be able to see a GP and ask them what would be suitable for pregnancy and have them prescribe it, if that's what you want?

Are you in England? If so, what about IAPT services in your area? I live in Scotland so sadly we don't have anything like that up here but you should look into it if you live in England, you'll get access to psychological treatment faster.

[ankietyjoe]

I can't imagine a situation where a medication would just cure health anxiety.

Her diagnosis and lack of prescription is the correct decision in my opinion.

[Bastett]

I don't live in England, I am not sure why it put me there.

I do have a GP but if I went to her for a referral to ultrasound I would have to wait for months. I wanted my scan be done ASAP. My GP also said she would not prescribe anything to me while i am pregnant. I was on Lexotanil before my pregnancy. It really did help me and 75% of my physical symptoms went away with that too.

I am not concerned that I had to pay for my scan. I am willing to pay more if I can get my reassurance.

Psychiatrists and psychotherapy costs much in my country. Especially private. I won't go to state psychiatrists because I have read bead reviews of them and then if they diagnosed me with some mental disease it would show up everywhere on my records. I do not want that because apart from this, I am a normal person. No one besides my family and a few friends does not even suspect this about me. They may wonder why I go to doctors that often but I never tell the real reason.

---------- Post added at 22:57 ---------- Previous post was at 22:52 ----------


I can't imagine a situation where a medication would just cure health anxiety.

Her diagnosis and lack of prescription is the correct decision in my opinion.

Back in the end of 2015 start of 2016 I had a bad bout of health anxiety about HIV, I literally had rash appearing out of nowhere on my body and other symptoms. Despite several tests that said negative and lack of exposure, I couldn't believe I hadn't got. I went to psychiatrist and she prescribed me Quetiapine, Paroxetin and Lexotanil. It took less than a month for my health anxiety to subside.

She said that my diagnosis was hidden depression with obsessive hypochondriac thoughts. Maybe that is why medication helped me. I then quit medications after a few months because I thought I was good. I guess it was a mistake because then I suffered from several self diagnosed illnesses as well. But no episode was such bad as that that started with my pregnancy .

[ankietyjoe]

I think you're stigmatising a mental health issue, which is incredibly common.

Perhaps your friends and family would be far more supportive than you think, which in itself can be a big part of a coping/curative mechanism.

As for the medication previously, health anxiety turns into more of an obsessive disease than an anxiety based one and if you can't manage it yourself, then therapy is often the way forward.