I think I might be paranoid

[cactuarjon]

I have told myself my whole life - I'm not paranoid. But i think i've reached a point now where i'm ready to be honest to myself about it. I actually think I am.

When I was a kid, I used to imagine that someone would be sat under my bed with a crystal ball that could see everything that I do and report it back to my mum.And no matter what I did, I believed I would get in trouble for it. Even just sitting and doing nothing, in my head warranted me for getting into trouble. Even now, I still imagine somewhere in my head that no matter what I am doing, someone is watching me, people are able to monitor me and there will be something that I'm doing that will be wrong, which is bad.

Everywhere I go, i believe people are looking at me, thinking bad things about me, judging me and laughing at me. That man casually walking his dog? He's probably laughing at how I walk. The bus driver? He's judging the way I scan my bus pass.

Everyone, everywhere, they have their eyes on me and they're ready to pick at every tiny thing and point out how I'm doing everything wrong.

It's not even logical, right? My brain doesn't see it that way and I have no idea how to stop these thoughts and feelings. Weirdest thing is, I am probably the only one judging me

[unicorndusy]

Hey there,

What you have described sounds like anxiety but you can and will get over this. The overthinking is very relatable to me, in fact I still get it often when I am going anywhere, but I have managed to learn to tell myself that it does not matter what people think anymore, I have been given this life for a reason and will try to enjoy it as much as possible (minus my health anxiety aha). I think we all think like this who have anxiety, it's sad that people who don't never seem to grasp how hard it can be just to walk outside. What I would advise is to watch or read up on self-confidence building articles and videos as these majorly helped me. You can do this:winks:

Peace and love

[cactuarjon]

[sigh] I wish i could believe that, really. It's hard to see a light at the tunnel when you get to 32yrs of age and having spent your entire life with anxiety. I do not know of a time I have never had it...

Oh wait, i do... but that was a rare 'under the influence of drugs' moment.

[unicorndusy]

[sigh] I wish i could believe that, really. It's hard to see a light at the tunnel when you get to 32yrs of age and having spent your entire life with anxiety. I do not know of a time I have never had it...

Oh wait, i do... but that was a rare 'under the influence of drugs' moment.

There is a light at the end believe me. As anxiety sufferers we often are plagued by a lot of self doubt and are constantly expecting the worst to come. Reality is, we can fix ourselves with determination, we will fall many many times but ultimately we will become worry free one day. Maybe you could pick up a new hobby? Find something that really makes you happy. I could not find any until I realized how my life could change at any minute and to enjoy the now. I now love art, gaming, music and working out. Reading books allows me to escape too. All the best:D

Peace and love