cactuarjon
12-01-18, 14:20
I have told myself my whole life - I'm not paranoid. But i think i've reached a point now where i'm ready to be honest to myself about it. I actually think I am.
When I was a kid, I used to imagine that someone would be sat under my bed with a crystal ball that could see everything that I do and report it back to my mum.And no matter what I did, I believed I would get in trouble for it. Even just sitting and doing nothing, in my head warranted me for getting into trouble. Even now, I still imagine somewhere in my head that no matter what I am doing, someone is watching me, people are able to monitor me and there will be something that I'm doing that will be wrong, which is bad.
Everywhere I go, i believe people are looking at me, thinking bad things about me, judging me and laughing at me. That man casually walking his dog? He's probably laughing at how I walk. The bus driver? He's judging the way I scan my bus pass.
Everyone, everywhere, they have their eyes on me and they're ready to pick at every tiny thing and point out how I'm doing everything wrong.
It's not even logical, right? My brain doesn't see it that way and I have no idea how to stop these thoughts and feelings. Weirdest thing is, I am probably the only one judging me
When I was a kid, I used to imagine that someone would be sat under my bed with a crystal ball that could see everything that I do and report it back to my mum.And no matter what I did, I believed I would get in trouble for it. Even just sitting and doing nothing, in my head warranted me for getting into trouble. Even now, I still imagine somewhere in my head that no matter what I am doing, someone is watching me, people are able to monitor me and there will be something that I'm doing that will be wrong, which is bad.
Everywhere I go, i believe people are looking at me, thinking bad things about me, judging me and laughing at me. That man casually walking his dog? He's probably laughing at how I walk. The bus driver? He's judging the way I scan my bus pass.
Everyone, everywhere, they have their eyes on me and they're ready to pick at every tiny thing and point out how I'm doing everything wrong.
It's not even logical, right? My brain doesn't see it that way and I have no idea how to stop these thoughts and feelings. Weirdest thing is, I am probably the only one judging me