Cherry Bakewell
13-01-18, 09:22
Well where to start, I'm currently sat at home wondering whether to visit the doctor......again! I hate the way I cannot rationalise illness. I have an ear infection for which I was prescribed antibiotics. My ear started blocking up but I devided to keep going with the antibiotics. However, I started to worry so went to the doctor again. He looked down my ear and said 'wow nasty'. He couldn't believe it was so bad even after antibiotics so gave me new antibiotics and sent me on my way. I then got a bad cold as well which I convinced myself was Aussie flu. The news reports of people dying sent me into a frenzy. The cold went however and this is where I then decided that this is not an ear infection and that the infection has spread to my brain because i've got a nagging pain in my head. Im now panicking thinking i need to go to the hospital. I am worried about needing a lumbar puncture, worrying I'm going to die and never see my Son again, all irrational but uncontrollable. I've not slept. My partner cannot understand me and my health anxiety infuriates him so I tend to ruminate in my head and get myself into a complete state. This all started 12 years ago after getting misdiagnosed by a GP for a chest pain that they said was anxiety but turned out to be a blood clot on the lung. From this day forward, I have never been able to trust a doctor. I've had CBT but this hasn't worked and I'm on anxiety meds but i fear i will never change this.