Having a tough time with HA right now.

[budgie1979]

I’ve struggled with HA for many years. I had a period of about a year where I felt pretty good, but then last February I came down with a GI bug that kicked off a new bout of HA. Since then, I’ve been trying to fight it using the tools I’ve learned from over 7 years of CBT, but it seems like the anxiety is winning at the moment. I’ve had some real health issues crop up in the last 3-4 months, and I can’t help but think there could be something “worse” going on. Specifics, at the moment I’m struggling with GERD. I had an endoscopy in late October and nothing serious was found, just evidence of reflux and a small hiatal hernia. My GI doctor told me to continue with PPIs through the holidays and then start to wean off. I started weaning off last week, combined with trying to avoid all potential triggers, and I’ve had the worst stomach pains of my life this week. I should note it’s not the degree of pain that’s troubling me—that’s a manageable level and not debilitating. It’s that literally anything I put in my mouth causes it, combined with bouts of burping, including plain water. If I eat anything, it feels as though it’s piling up at the base of my esophagus, and then slowly working it’s way down. I’m to the point where I fear eating due to this sensation. Even more troubling, I am waking up at 4-5 am with a sour stomach and burping, when I have not eaten anything for at least 6 hours. I very nearly took myself to the emergency room this morning after laying awake for hours uncomfortable and worrying, but I worry that they will want to keep me over and have no one to watch my dog (my husband is away on business through next week). I also don’t really want to sit there for hours only to be told it’s probably just reflux and sent on my way. I worry about problems with my gall bladder or pancreas (have also been having the occasional yellow/pale stool, including yesterday and today).

I’m just at my wits end with this and want to feel healthy again and be able to enjoy food again. I’ve been trying to get in to see a psychiatrist to discuss medication, but that’s been rescheduled twice, and now it looks like we are expecting snow on the next appointment date and it will probably be rescheduled yet again. I’m so tired of the entire medical establishment at the moment, and wish I could just be “normal”. I can’t live the rest of my life this way, but it doesn’t seem like anything can “fix” me.

Not sure what I’m looking for, maybe I just needed to vent a little.