First time mum feels completely lost

[Josie]

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping someone can help me. I've got a past history of anxiety /panic attacks /derealisation, which started after my mum was murdered when I was 17.

For the last 7 years I've been really well and I count myself so lucky. During this time, I've met the love of my life, got married and I've been able to keep up with my medication to keep me on track.

The problem is, I had a beautiful little girl exactly a week ago and all if my symptoms have returned. I know it's linked with the baby blues but I feel incredibly lost at the moment. I keep looking at her thinking, "I can't do this. I want my life back. What have I done?" I know this sounds terribly selfish and i hate that im having tgese thoughts. I'm also filled with fear sometimes when I look at her. Then there are times that I just stare at her beautiful face and I'm okay again - but these moments are fleeting.

Does anyone on here have any advice /guidance for me? Thanks for listening,
Josie

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya can't offer much guidance but I can send hugs. seems like you have had it tough

If you on;y gave birth a week ago things are going to be completely different, your emotions will be all over the place

but be honest with your midwife and tell her how exactly you are feeling, she will be able to reassure you or give you links to a support network around you.

and be honest with your Husband too, he will be able to help a lot as well

[Elen]

Congratulations what a lovely but scary time in your life.

Someone posted a link to a forum for new mums that is meant to be really good, but cannot remember where I say it.

Perhaps try doing a few searches using baby or mum.

[venusbluejeans]

Someone posted a link to a forum for new mums that is meant to be really good, but cannot remember where I say it.


Was it Mumsnet Elen?
https://www.mumsnet.com/

[Elen]

I cannot remember, think it may have been Poppy that posted about it.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I cannot remember, think it may have been Poppy that posted about it.

That will be the one she posted on Helenhoo's thread recently after she said she was pregnant.

[Speranza]

Hi,

this is completely normal. Let your midwife know. IT WILL PASS. xxxx

[Josie]

Thank you all for your advice, comments and hugs. It really means a lot. I'll have a look to see if I can find that link you mentioned.

Tanks again xxx

[ErinKC]

Firstly, I *HATE* the term baby blues. Yes, some people only get fleeting feelings of uneasiness, weepiness (another word I hate), but many, many people experience very serious mental health issues after childbirth. I think the term baby blues minimize how serious this can be.

My crying and hopelessness was put off as "baby blues" but never went away. I had debilitating postpartum anxiety that I took far too long to treat! What you're experiencing is SO SO normal, but it doesn't mean you should have to deal with it when you should be able to enjoy your new baby. I would get in touch with your doctor right away and let them know how you're feeling and that you want help getting through it. This is a very common complication of childbirth and all women should feel comfortable getting help and all doctors should be ready to help. I was able to get through my postpartum anxiety with therapy when I finally sought help! Good luck!!

[EShepherd]

So sorry you're feeling this way. It does get better. There is a difference between 'baby blues' and postnatal depression, which is common and NOTHING to be ashamed with. This blog is a great read: https://naytal.uk/blog/baby-blues-and-pnd
I really urge you to speak to a doctor and get some help.