Support needed...hit a bump

[Mindprison]

Hey everyone

This week marks a year of constant Health Anxiety. Not something to celebrate but it is a milestone at least. My hope is that this year will bring an end to it.

Just looking for some support today. No reassurance, no diagnosis...just support. This rant will hopefully serve to remind me that anxiety's physical problems can sometimes be worse than the mental ones but doesn't make it any more or less than anxiety.

I've been struggling on and off for a long time now but this recent bump has set me back a fair bit. I should explain.

2 weeks ago I got hit with sudden dizziness and lightheadedness. Not unusual for high anxiety. I get bouts of it now and then but it usually clears after a week at most.

The past few days it got worse to the point I felt nauseous and felt like I was swaying a bit when standing. Even sitting wasn't helping much as I kept getting waves of lightheadedness.

Anyway my new rule is if a symptom is getting worse and isn't gone after 2 weeks, see the doctor. So I did that today.

Explained everything to him. He checked my ears, heart, lungs, blood pressure both sitting and standing. Asked questions about my stomach and so on whether I noticed blood or anything which I haven't.

Decides the best course of action is full blood count just to get a better idea as my blood pressure is high (though we both agreed the anxiety is likely pushing it up) and also gives me prochlorperozine which I am reluctant to take because I have a medication fear.

Couldn't get it done today because I have to fast so i'm going tomorrow after therapy.

My anxiety levels hit the roof after I left mainly because my mind started racing for answers about what it could be. I did my best to keep it down as I have the past few months.

Couldn't do it. After seeing one of my family members off on the train I was again alone with my thoughts, still dizzy and nauseous.

I got home and noticed my vision was warped, the wall looked like it was moving away from me. The dam broke and a panic attack started.

The wallpaper now looked like it was crawling across the wall so I went to bed, shut my eyes and waited for the panic attack to inevitably pass.

I sit here now still dizzy, lightheaded and with minor visual disturbances and ask myself this question.

What the hell did I do to deserve this?

I'm pushing my next psychiatry appointment forward and seeing my therapist tomorrow but at this point i'm just fed up with all of it. All I want is my old life back yet my mind refuses to accept that most of my problems are anxiety related.

Thanks for listening.

[Colin_P]

It is a bummer isn't it :hugs:

The thing I'm getting quite good at, or so I think, is looking forward to whatever current flare up passing. I tell myself I've got through them in the past and will again.

The thing is with this bloody affliction is that just when you think you have got the hang of it, it finds other cruel and unusal ways of getting you, well does me.

[Mindprison]

Thanks for the reply Colin

It's infuriating. I pass one flare up or relapse, experience relief for a while and then a month later end up with something worse.

It's ridiculous because I feel disabled but that feels like an insult to people who are genuinely unable to do things.

But that's the stage it's reached, it's so bad that it's crippling me.

[Colin_P]

It's infuriating. I pass one flare up or relapse, experience relief for a while and then a month later end up with something worse.

Well that is good despite being infuriating. You know that you can and have got over flare ups.


It's ridiculous because I feel disabled but that feels like an insult to people who are genuinely unable to do things.

I think you are being a bit hard on yourself there.


But that's the stage it's reached, it's so bad that it's crippling me.

I know exacty how you feel. But also know that a flare up is just that, a flare up and it will pass. That is no small comfort when you are in the middle of one though.

[Mindprison]

Perhaps you're right. I might be a bit harsh on myself, the depression part of me is likely to blame for that. I seem to set unrealistic expectations for my mental health and when I don't achieve them it tends to set me back a fair bit.

[braveinfiction]

This is something we all ask ourselves and the truth is that you did nothing. None of us did. None of us deserve this. We do this to ourselves. It's not our fault, per se, but it is our responsibility to take the steps to be better. this isn't some BS "pull up your bootstraps" nonsense either. I hate that mentality typically, but the truth is that there just is no other way to do it I fear...I wish I could give you better advice than that, but I can't because I'm still in the middle of it. My left arm hurts right now. Countless ECGs, X-Rays, had an Echo yesterday that I'm assuming is okay since I've heard nothing...yet still this arm weakness/pain, the feeling creeping up to my shoulders with intermittent chest pain making me think they're still missing something, Tylenol doing absolutely nothing. One set of "symptoms" comes and goes and then worse ones (these being the worst so far) come. What did I do to deserve this? Nothing. It just is and I'm making the best of it I can and so are you. Right now? I'm talking a half a lorazepam and going to sleep. Maybe some rest would do you well too?

[Mindprison]

Thanks brave, regardless of what it might be I can't change it by worrying about it. Some rest might be in order for a few days

[au Lait]

It’s common for anxiety to cause everything you’re experiencing, as you know. I’ve had those same symptoms (dizziness, nausea, weird vision, loss of sense of reality, etc) last for months when my anxiety is bad. It sucks, but thankfully it doesn’t last forever. Focusing on it makes it worse, though ignoring it is difficult.

You’re being proactive, seeking support and therapy. You’re doing the best things that you can.

When I’m freaked out by anxiety symptoms it helps me to google physical symptoms of anxiety. I realize google is a double edged sword for us HAers, but I find if I stick to sites that only relate to describing how anxiety can manifest physically it really helps calm me down. Because then I am reminded that all the scary things that I’m feeling truly are caused by anxiety and nothing else.

[Mindprison]

Thanks au lait

It's rougher than I imagined it ever could be but there's no option but to take it a day at a time.

[swajj]

The old retired neurologist who used to post here (before he died) talked about different types of dizziness. There is the dizziness that makes you feel like you are walking on a boat and there is the dizziness that results in the room spinning around you. The first can be attributed to anxiety. The second is possibly (but not necessarily) a symptom of some type of neurological disorder.

I used to get your type of dizziness often. I would be walking around the supermarket hanging on for dear life to my husband and the trolley convinced that if I let go I would fall over. Sometimes it would be so bad that I would have to go and sit outside while he finished the shopping.

I have experienced true dizziness once. Years before I got HA. I was shopping (I’m always shopping lol) and looking closely at a ticket, reading the tiny print. Suddenly the whole room started to spin around me. If you ever whirled around and around when you were a child to make yourself dizzy then that is what I experienced. It lasted for about a minute and passed. I just put it down as one of those things and never gave it another thought. It has never happebed again. If that had happened years later when I got on the HA bus god knows how I would have been afterwards.

---------- Post added at 21:50 ---------- Previous post was at 21:46 ----------

I forgot to make my point lol

You have described the type of dizziness that is attributed to anxiety. Just hang on to things each time it happens or sit down until it passes.

[gillebro]

And support you shall have.

I get it. It's been 5 1/2 years for me, and it's horrible, and it can be debilitating, and all sorts of feelings come into it - fear, sadness, guilt... Not great feelings, but definitely normal ones.

You will be OK eventually. That's the good thing about these moments - they don't last forever.

[Mindprison]

Appreciate the responses all.

I know the type you mean swajj, the only time i've ever had the spinning type dizziness was when I came down with both tonsillitis and an inner ear infection in the same week. My poor mother thought I was dying lol. Now that i've had a day to rest from the panic I think i'm in a better frame of mind to ride it out.

Thanks gillebro, the moments can be few and far between but lord when they hit they hit hard. 5 1/2 years and you're still here has to count for something!