New job

[sunriseeveryday]

Hi Everyone

I have had anxiety and obsessive worrying for a few years now but not on any medication and its generally ok.

However i have started a new job last Monday and i cannot eat or sleep since. My mind is in a fog and i feel sick and cannot eat. I left a nice job in a real nice office where i had lots of friends, i left because i thought i was bored. It was a big office with lots of people.

Now i am working in a very small office with 6 people and i am finding it very difficult. 5 of the people are very nice but 1 is a problem, she is moody and very vindictive and has caused issues for the other employees. It seems at this stage that HR are aware of her issues and they dont take any notice so it shouldnt be a problem for me but my head is spinning

I got a big pay rise to take this new job but now i just want to go back to what i already know. I am in a constant state of panic and feel i have made a huge mistake.

I sometimes worry that i wont be able for this new job, then i worry that i will be bored of the job in 6 months. I worry that i will lose my skills in this new job and my career will suffer and i will never again get a job with a good salary. I had a good salary in my past job and just want to go back to that security.

Im just depressed the whole time. I feel like i have made a horrible horrible mistake. My wife just says give it a few months and then look around for a new job if i still dont like it but i just cant see past today, not to mind a few months.

Why cant i be a normal person and not freak out and just say that i am here for 2 years and can re-evaluate then and that all experience is good experience. Why cant i just say i will stick this for a while and then take some time off my career if i need to. we are in a good position financially so even if i was fired we would be ok for a while

Now im thinking of a career change, take a job with less money etc etc just to try and fix how i feel

Please help

[Carys]

Hiyer,
Im sorry you are feeling SO awful in your new job. Any change of life, such as this (moving house, new babies etc etc), will kick start anxiety in those who have those problems already. I can see what your wife is saying, look upon it as a temporary placement, maybe that could help your feelings resolve a little. She is hoping that over those 2 months your feelings will change, you will settle and this nasty C*w will be dealt with. It is entirely normal in many people to feel a surge of doubts and fears when making major life changes.
This is only my opinion and I know nothing more about you than the words you've written here; I think that setting yourself a day by day goal of 'if its not better after tomorrow I will leave' might help. You are panicking that you might get stuck here and that its unbearable, but if you reduce your feelings down to 'I can leave here at any time I want' it might calm you a bit. I think also this woman needs to have a complaint made about her, you might feel entirely different once that horrible trigger is dealt with. Can you see someone who is above you to express your distress at her behaviour?

'Mistakes' are never irreversible, if it turns out there is a 'mistake' youve made in life choices. Even this jon move wouldn't be a 'mistake,' as you will have reevaluated what you really want to do, and it could focus your future. I don't like the word mistake, as you've noticed lol

[sunriseeveryday]

thanks for the reply.

I havent had any issue with the problem person in the office but all the others in the office have told me their stories about her so i cant make a complaint yet :-).

I do find telling myself that i can leave at any time helps alright and makes me stop panicking that i will be stuck in a horrible job forever. I am as always creating problems before they happen - i am convincing myself that i will have an issue with the problem woman because most of the others have had an issue

I keep just remembering my old job, feeling so comfortable and enjoying coffeess etc as i knew what to expect. I am just finding that very difficult to accept considering that i made this decision myself to move jobs.

I think sometimes that i will just contact my old employer and just look for any job they have as i know how that employer works . Its a much bigger employer than my new one and this new smaller company is very different.

Will i ever settle ? Am i completely overreacting in my first week!! Should i come in every morning now and just say one day at a time and i will leave if i fail to settle

I just obsess and worry so much that the only job i will be able to get after this one is a much lower paying job and my family will suffer

[sunriseeveryday]

Hi everyone

I really need help on this, can someone assist me ?

[Lucinda07]

I think you are over-reacting - wondering whether changing job was the right decision!Give the job a chance. If you still feel the same after 1 month, then start looking for alternative employment.
If your colleagues have warned you about the moody woman, then they seem to be on your side! They would be supportive if she were horrible to you & then you could all make a stand.

---------- Post added at 13:22 ---------- Previous post was at 13:18 ----------

Actually, since you are a man & not a female competitor - this lady may think twice before picking on you! How old is she & how long has she worked for this firm?

[sunriseeveryday]

She is in her 40's and there for four years when the office. She is the accountant and thinks that she runs the office. In mt interview i was told there was no site lead but she behaves like one. In my first week she was telling me where to park , what i could use the milk for etc
The person who recruited me asked me how i was getting on and i told her everything.

If they dont fix it then i know where i stand and will leave

Im afraid i will never get another job though and panicking over it

Im very down

[Carys]

What did the person (who recruited you) say when you told her everything? Did she say that action would be taken?

[Dying_Swan]

Sorry to hear you're finding this so stressful

It is stressful starting a new job. Don't underestimate that! I think it's pretty stressful for anyone, let alone if you're suffering with anxiety.

Changing from a large to a small team, or vice versa, will also take some time to get used to. It's tough leaving somewhere you've felt comfortable and going into a new environment.

Do you think this accountant person is the source of your concern? Or is it the whole job change?

Team dynamics are interesting and you often seem to get people who take a leadership role and those who don't. I guess you can choose to do what she says, to ignore what she says, or to challenge what she says. That's a tough call when you're new. As Carys asked, what did the recruiter say?

Try not to make any rash decisions. It's very early days and things might become clearer in time.

[sunriseeveryday]

The recruiter hasnt replied yet.

Its the smaller team , lack of my old friends and routine , the accountant and SAD that is affecting me

I often make rash decisions this time of year as i am depressed so i think that i made a mistake leaving my old job and taking this job solely for the money

A colleague worked there before and said it was a poor envirinment but i ignored him and went for the money

So now im filled with regret as i might have made the wrong move and i will never again enjoy work and be depressed forever

[Dying_Swan]

I think you make a good point about SAD. It's a gloomy time of year and quite easy to feel down on yourself and your decisions. When did you decide to apply for the new job?

Personally, I don't believe things like this are mistakes, even if it turns out to be the wrong job for you. It will be part of your life experience. In time you'll decide whether this is where you want to be, or not, and make a decision based on that. If it turns out to be a poor environment and you're not enjoying it, you can move on. You've already proved to yourself that you can do that.

Missing your old friends and routine will get easier as time goes on and you make friends with your new colleagues and learn the new routine. Please don't be too hard on yourself. It's really tough starting a new job and you can do this! Give yourself a little time before making any decisions. See what the recruiter says. Be kind to yourself

[sunriseeveryday]

I made the decision in december. I didnt thinl i was depressed but i know now that i was

Im just panicking completely now and trying to change job again. My poor wife thinks im crazy

Why cant i just give it 6 months and make a decision in the summer at the end of the probation !!

[Carys]

I think you need to at least wait until the recruiter replies to you, and deal with your depressed feelings. (see your doctor?) You might make a decision again that you aren't happy with whilst you are feeling this way.

[sunriseeveryday]

Im going to a depression group thursday night

I haveny spoken to doc as they likely will just try and put me on tablets. I have a cousin who is on them 20 years and says not to go near them

I am also seeing a pyschologist the week after next

[sunriseeveryday]

thanks everyone. I defo made a mistake taking this job, the office is toxic and everyone is trying to leave so at least i know that now for sure.

I am sitting tight, just drawing the money until i find something else. Hopefully that wont take too long. If it does drag on then i will leave anyway and just pick up any job until i can get one thats in my field

I just feel that if i stay here too long then my depression could spiral out of control

[Dying_Swan]

Do you feel any better for having made a decision? If you truly feel it's not the right place then trust yourself. Just remember it doesn't mean it's a mistake, just another life experience and learning opportunity

Best wishes to you :)

[sunriseeveryday]

Just coming back to this now. I have not improved at all, i cant eat or sleep and have started lexapro to see if it will help.

I just feel like i cant come into this office any longer. I want to pack it in and mind our son at home for a while, my wife is a teacher so we should be ok for money (not great but ok).

Would i regret losing my income ? I have visions of being able to see the good things in life again and living a more simple life and being much happier. is that crazy ?