Pancreatic cancer fear.

[Shepster47]

Im new here, 47 and know i suffer from health anxiety. However, every time i have a fear it does turn out to be something.

Example, headaches, pressure in my head....feared a brain tumour....and it turned out to be a pineal cyst.
Lower abdominal pain with ribbon stools....feared colon cancer, turned out being diverticulitis.
Throat upper gastric pains, feared stomach cancer, turned out to be a large hiatus hernia.
I also have fatty liver and have back pains that im sure are due to anxiety.
So i know i do tend to assume the worst.
There is one cancer that ive always been frightened of getting as it is almost certainly terminal with only 1% cure and thats pancreatic cancer.
So we come to my latest worry.
Around 4 months ago i felt a stomach pain below my left rib. I also noticed my back pain was worse than usual and in the middle of my back (its normally my lower back or neck)
The stomach pain felt different. Ive had pains in my lower left with diverticulitis and also much higher in my chest area with my gastritis and hiatus hernia. This was mid stomach.
I also noticed that the pains hurt more when i ate and also when i layed down.
So i visited my gp who gave me the usual ppi medication that did nothing.
This lasted a month and i noticed my stools were lighter than i'd even seen.
I googled my symptoms which all pointed to my dreaded pancreatic cancer.
My gp arranged an abdominal ultrasound which was ok except they couldnt see my pancreas due to stomach gas.
One night my pains we so bad and my wife noticed i looked slightly yellow. So we went to a&e and i was admitted as my billirubin was high.
I was given a ct scan which came back normal and my gilberts syndrome was blamed for my jaundice. By this time i had lost nearly a stone.
Since my ct scan came back normal my gp will not send me for any other scan even though we dont know what is causing my pain.
So im now paying to see a private consultant. She arranged for me to have a stool elastase which also came back normal.
So its now 4 months since i first noticed my pains. My back hurts more, my stomach pain seems to have moved a little more central but hurts more. I am having trouble sleeping as the pain is keeping me awake. I have tried lots of stomach and ppi medication and nothing works.
I know this is bad and i dont think its my anxiety causing this.
My private consultant has now ordered an mrcp as it supposed to be good at seeing the pancreas.
I just have this feeling the ct scan has missed a tumour. Its been 3 months from the ct scan and im in so much more pain than i was.
My gp still thinks its anxiety but pancreatic cancer is hard to see on a ct scan so can easily be missed and im worried its spread by now.
Shep

[BikerMatt]

Have you had your gallbladder checked? Your symptoms sound what i've gone through for a year. If you had pancreatic cancer you would be very very ill by now.

[Carys]

I really feel for you, as each time you've had symptoms they have turned out to be 'something' albeit not the worst scenario you imagined, and treatable, but a definable medical condition. It must be really hard for you to know what is HA and what isn't and also to doubt, more than most, when you are told its 'just anxiety'. I think your proactive approach towards getting a consultant to do a private scan is right in your circumstances - when is that happening? However, you will also recognise that your 'worst case scenarios' never were that, and although ill health was present, it wasn't of the sort you envisaged. I don't know anything about pancreatic cancer (and won't be looking it up:winks:)so can't add to that part of the discussion, but would imagine that your symptoms could be from other conditions too and not the 'worst scenario' you imagine. I didn't want to just read and walk by, and not sure I've been much help either :blush:

[Shepster47]

Thanks guys

My mrcp is this monday 22nd. then i have to wait 5 days for the report to be done and sent to my consultant. By my reckoning my consultant should get it by the following monday and she does appointments on tuesday night. But when i rang the imaging centre they said it could be tuesday when my consultant gets the results so dont make an appointment for that day. So i'll probably have to wait for two weeks after the scan.....two weeks is not good for someone with anxiety.

Thats the thing. Although i do have anxiety, there is always a real pain. And in all my other ailments, ive never been in continuous pain like this. This is the worst ive ever felt and this is getting worse every week. My anxiety generally gives me palpitations or a bit of nausea. This is a massive stomach pain that wakes me up in the night and i can feel get worse when i lay down so i know its a physical thing.

What is annoying is when my gp says its anxiety, i then say ok whats causing my back pain and stomach pain and giving me mustard stools and she comes out with nerve pain in my stomach, ibs for lighter stools and anxiety in my back.....all at once. I thnk shes clutching at straws because ive never had any of these pains before and ive had health anxiety for 10 years and suddenly getting 3 totally new pains.

I thought about gallbladder but i would have thought pain would have been more to my right side than left. Also wouldnt they have seen something on my ultrasound or ct scan.

I know pancreatic cancer is rare. I just hope to god im not one of the 122 a year in my age group who get it. The worry is that stomach and back pains caused by pancreatic cancer is when its advanced so i dont stand a chance.


Shep

[Carys]

Hmmm yeah, two weeks wait......not good at all when a) you are in pain and b) you have such a level of fear and anxiety. I think its very easy sometimes for GPs to put everything down to anxiety, once you have that diagnosis, and as you are well aware yourself even anxious people get physical problems. Once again, I think you are right to get this scan done......is there any way that you could ask them to get it to the consultant quicker/ or ask if they could fast track it IF there is a problem. I know what the answer will be, more than likely, that they have a timetable and you have to fit to it. Might be worth expressing how anxious you feel about it to the consultant (email to his/her secretary) and asking if they can ensure that they do receive it quickly so you can be seen in the week (rather than two weeks). I know you shouldn't have to be pushy like this, nor should you have to even be doing this all privately! but this doesn't seem fair to make you wait this long.
In the meantime all you can do really is employ the skills and tools you will have learnt in your HA, and remind yourself that probability states you are far far more likely to have a much less sinister problem than the one you fear. I wish I could be of more help, as I don't envy your current circumstances and can entirely see why it is giving you major anxiety. You seem quite level headed and have evaluated what symptoms are anxiety and what aren't, but remember it doesn't mean that it is the most unlikely of scenarios either. It is encouraging also that the ct scan which came back to your GP was clear, hold that thought.

[Shepster47]

Hi
Yes you are right. Its going to be a bad 2 weeks. I am going to ring my consultants secretary and ask her about getting the diagnosis early.

However, i think it will be bad news and so i think the consultant is professional and will want to speak to me about the bad news in person rather than over the phone.
So if i get a call saying the consultant has made an appointment to speak to me rather than telling me all is fine by phone, i will know its cancer. Horrible!

My main worry is that it gets more painful when i lay down. To me thats a physical thing, i think my weight is pushing on the pancreas. Thats also why i think it hurts when i eat as my stomach is full and pushes on the pancreas.

Its a horrible situation. Im trying so hard to keep my anxiety at bay by keeping myself busy but at the same time im wondering if i should prepare myself in case its bad news. If that is even possible.

The problem is a pancreatic cancer diagnosis is basically a death sentence. Only 1% survive over 10 years. Only 3% survive over 5 years.

Im am absolutely terrified of death.

Thanks

[paranoid-viking]

My gp still thinks its anxiety but pancreatic cancer is hard to see on a ct scan so can easily be missed and im worried its spread by now.
Shep


Hey! From WHERE did you get that PC is hard to see on a CT scan? CT scans are very accurate and VERY reliable when it comes to detect cancer. Sure, there ARE nightmare stories of cancer escape a CT scanning. But these are MINORITY cases. I think that you have read to many nightmare stories about CTs missing cancer; the tabloid media and awarenss groups loves to throw those horror stories to our faces.
Yes, pancreatic cancer is frightening to fear, I fear it too. But trust me, you had a CT scanning. And - if the CT did not see your pancreas they would TELL YOU. Just like they told you ultrasound could not see the pancreas. And if they could see the pancreas they would see if there was a tumour on it.
And - if what you describe as symptoms were in fact PC a CT would most certainly see it because it would mean that the tumour was big or even mestasised.
And one thing - please dont write stuff that it is hard for a CT to see the pancreas because that is controbuting to trigger other posters fear of cancer too. I realise you had read those nightmare stories, but they are not representative. CT is at least 95% reliable. Also for PC. Spreading myths is not good for people writing here.
About the yellowness - was it in your eyes. Was it "yellow all over" or just slight yellowness? Were your eyes yellow? You know, if you have some yellowness on your skin but not in your eyes it is probably not jaundice but a result of vitamin defiency. Have you checked your B12?

[Shepster47]

Hi

Sorry you are correct, i should have been more careful what i write on here. It was more my opinion than fact. I went jaundiced but the reason was attributed to my gilberts syndrome. Yes my eyes went yellow but it was an unusual spike. My bilirubin was sky high. I normally just go slightly yellow in my skin when im ill but this was the first time it had happened in my eyes aswell hence why they admitted me into hospital. The yellowing went away in 2 days while in hospital.
They did a normal ct scan rather than a pancreatic protocol ct scan as it was to check my overall abdomen. I do not know the actual percentage, i had read between 70% and 90% but things may have changed.
I still have all the symptoms after 4 months so i stated i was worried it had missed something. it was probably my anxiety talking but i am just stating my opinion about my health.
I have had my mrcp now so i just have to wait for the results. A scary 2 weeks but i have to stay positive. If its clear then its back to the docs to find out what is causing all these worrying symptoms.

[Carys]

I already thought you were quite clear about the cause of the jaundice....and that the CT scan was your opinion (and part of what was causing you to be fearful). I saw nothing wrong in your post. I was wondering how you'd got on today and if you'd managed to get them to hurry along the results. Obviously not, sadly.

[paranoid-viking]

I understand you fear absolutely and I am praying for you. But that the CT was clear is a good sign and a sign of hope.
Arelative of mine had something on the pancreas shown on an ultrasound, but a CT showed it was a beningn cyst, thank God.

[Shepster47]

Hi
Yes i had the mrcp today.
Ive spoken with the private hospital receptionist who has provisionally booked me to see my consultant next tuesday 30th jan.
If all goes to plan and the report is completed and couriered to my consultant in the 5 working days then hopefully i can keep that appointment and get my results in a week.
I wont know until i ring the imaging centre next monday and find out if the report has gone to my consultant on time.
If not then i will cancel my appointment and revert to plan b and ring my consultants secretary and see if i can get the results over the phone.
Like i said previously though, i imagine my consultant will want to tell me in person if its bad news......would anyone really want to be told thwy may have cancer over the phone.
Those breathing techniques are going to be put to use in this next week or so.

[Carys]

Ahha so a plan a) and plan b), that about the best you could hope for I guess. You know, I don't know about your private consultant, but on the NHS (and actually thinking about it the same has applied when I was under private cover) they won't give any results over the phone for scans, either good or bad. The policy seems to apply so that people don't guess in advance that they have had an appointment made because it IS bad news.

[Shepster47]

Hi everyone.

Im struggling this week.

My stomach and back pains have got worse, more so when i eat anything or lay down.

I'm now taking codeine for the pain, my gp gave it me on my last appointment but i hadnt needed them until now.

I have tried my relaxation techniques, breathing techniques and kept myself busy but the pain is too much.

The pain is deep and continuous. Codeine still didnt take the pain fully away but did take the edge off.

Ive had this pain for 4 months now constantly. My stomach is bloated most of the time now and even more after food. If i was female i would think im pregnant. I just know something is very wrong.

My anxiety is through the roof and each night i go to bed i worrying im a day nearer to a terminal diagnosis.

I was talking to a nurse who said that anyone who has a clear ct scan that was not done with pancreatic protocol but is still showing pancreatic cancer symptoms should have either an mri, another ct scan WITH pancreatic protocol or an endoscopic ultrasound (EUS). Normal ct scans (for pancreatic cancer only) she said is around 85% accurate. The reason being that for pancreas only, a tumour can be missed due to it being difficult to differentiate from the pancreas tissue.

I do want to stress that this is only for pancreatic cancer. For every other organ in the abdomen, a ct scan is a superb scan and the best test to find other cancers. If anyone ever has a ct scan on the pancreas they must make sure it is using the pancreatic protocol which conducts the scan with much finer slices and the timing of the scan after the contrast dye is injected is different to enable the radiologist to see the difference of pancreas tissue to tumour.

[Carys]

I was wondering how you were getting on and checking on your thread each day. I'm so so sorry to hear firstly about the pain and secondly your terribly anxious state. I honestly can totally understand why you are feeling the way you are, and I think anyone who thinks otherwise isn't being honest. Obviously you've been taking lots of advice from qualified people, and so there is nothing I can add to that chain of thought. Have acute or chronic pancreatitis been considered?
I know your main fear here, if it IS cancer and advanced and really hard to treat via the usual methods of surgery, chemo and radiotherapy, then it could be something terminal. This is a BIG jump right now though, a huge one, and (I don't know your age, you may have mentioned it) but even IF they do find something malignant you need to remember that each person's cancer is individual, each person's prognosis is different and each person's survival prognosis is different. I know this all only too well, as have had stats thrown at me personally through my breast cancer experience. How you approach a real life diagnosis is imperative, and mental state is important.
None of this will console you now, and in the coming week as you wait for your results (I was kinda hoping you might have them this Tuesday), and it must feel desperate. If your level of pain is not being controlled by codeine its time for a return visit to the GP! There is no reason for people to be in pain with any illness nowadays. I'm firmly hoping for a good outcome and whilst there is 'something' there affecting you, not the awful thing you are imagining. There are a vast array, still, of other things this could be.

[Shepster47]

Hi Carys

Thanks so much for replying, its very appreciated.

Im 47, so quite young to get pancreatic cancer. According to cancer research, 122 people were diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in my age group of 45-49 in the UK in 2014.

Its a rare cancer under 50 as like other cancers is age related.

Im going to ring the image centre tomorrow and see if they have recieved the results back for my mrcp and hopefully will have sent the results directly via courier to my consultant. If this has happened i should be able to keep my appointment on tuesday night.

I need these results, if its clear then i will be convinced my pancreas is ok and my symptoms are for something less serious.

If the test comes back as positive for a tumour then at least i know what im facing, its always better to tackle cancer as early as possible.

I will let you know how i get on with the results.

[Carys]

PM sent in reply. :D

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Shep

I'm sorry to read about what you're going through. I'm not at all familiar with pancreatic cancer and its symptoms, but from reading your posts I do understand why you're worried, and I think you're right to get it checked out. That's not at all saying I think you have pancreatic cancer, as I simply don't know, but I'm not sure it could be passed off purely as anxiety either. There are probably a range of things it could be, but hopefully you are going to find out very soon and get some answers.

Honestly, I think "trying to prepare" ourselves for difficult news is futile. I do it myself all the time, but in the end it doesn't make difficult news any easier to cope with. We only torture ourselves in the process.

You shouldn't be suffering this level of pain. Can you get back to the GP (see a different one if needs be) and look at getting this pain under control? Chronic pain is debilitating, regardless of the cause.

In terms of the anxiety, mindfulness/meditation might be helpful, alongside that deep breathing. Keeping away from Googling symptoms of course, and distracting yourself where possible too.

I wish you the very best with your results and here's hoping that it's nothing serious which can be easily treated. Please do keep us posted

Have a hug, too :hugs:

[Shepster47]

As the starter of the thread i thought i would conclude with my mrcp / mri results.

As i stated i had been having many worrying symptoms, back pain, stomach pain, bloating, indigestion, nausea, light coloured stools. I had the lot. Dr Google fed my anxiety and convinced me i had pancreatic cancer.

I received my results today and thankfully can happily say its not cancer. The mrcp/mri has found a cyst in my pancreas, a cyst in my liver and a cyst in my left kidney.

So once again i was not imagining that something was wrong but its not cancer. The question is...are the cysts causing the pain? I do not know, possibly, but my back pain could be caused by my haitus hernia aswell.

The lesson for me and anyone else reading this who suffers from health anxiety. If you have pain or any symptom, dont dwell on it and let it fester into something much bigger like terminal cancer. Get it checked out asap and save yourself weeks of suffering. If you think you may have pancreatic cancer because of back pains or stomach pains, dont automatically think its pc. Chances are its not especially if you are young and getting it checked out is the best way. And keep away for Dr Google, hes a charlatan who will convince you its cancer. I found that out the hard way.

So whats next, well i was so overwhelmed with happiness when i heard the words definitely not cancer i think i missed alot of what my consultant was saying. I do remember i need to carry on with the gastric tablets, keep a food/pain diary, try to eat little fat and more fruit and vegetables and i will see her again in 6 weeks.
(I think it is also to see if some of the symptoms were made worse with anxiety)

Thank you to everyone especially Carys who helped me through a very tough week.

[WiseMonkey]

Hi,

So glad everything turned out well and that the scan showed simple cysts. Yes the HA probably caused 95% of your symptoms, even the back pain. When we have HA, it's very easy to go to the worse scenario, even when we know it could be something benign! I've done this myself, thinking I may have esophageal cancer when it was far more likely to be a motility issue.

I think the most important thing is to recognise the pattern, interrupt it and try other ways to handle the anxiety :)

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Shep

I'm so pleased to read your news. I know you still have a way to go in figuring out the pain and symptoms but what a huge sense of relief you must be feeling.

Please do keep us posted with how you're getting on, if you feel like it. Thank you for letting us know the outcome today :)

[pulisa]

I've just been reading your thread and just wanted to say thank goodness for this benign outcome and how relieved and exhausted you must be not to get the diagnosis you so greatly feared..

Wonderful support from people here-what NMP is all about.

I do hope you can get a handle on your pain and maybe your diagnosis will help alleviate a bit of it as you won't have the possibility of PC hanging over you?

[Carys]

A massive PHEW outcome here! :D:D:D

Shepster to my mind is being a little hard on himself, I don't think he is your standard HA sufferer. (we've talked on PM a fair amount, and I'll be honest with you, with most people on the HA board you just know its their HA talking, with him I felt 50/50 that there was a possibility he could be right in his fears). I hope he won't mind me continuing the talk on this thread, as I think there are things that are interesting to discuss.....

Time after time he has been very aware of changes within his body, he is sensible, logical and very able to differentiate between real and perceived, and knows what is caused by anxiety and what is caused by a real physical problem. Having been proved to have a medical condition each and everytime he has had physical symptoms for that body area - pineal cyst (small benign brain cyst), diverticulitis, hiatus hernia, fatty liver, gilbert's syndrome (an inherited hereditary disorder that can cause jaundice and assorted other unpleasant symptoms) and now cysts on some internal organs.

This time, as in the past, it has been shown that he does have reasons for the rubbish symptoms he has been feeling AND they did very clearly match the 'C' fear he had. I think MOST people, even those without HA would be feeling fear about 'what if it's C' when faced with his symptoms and waiting on test results. Actually, I'd go as far as to say he's not a HA sufferer, but rather someone who has had periods of true ill health who lets a bit of extreme fear and panic run away with them, and its that panic and extreme fear that needs support. However, I may be speaking out of turn here, as Shepster can explain himself why he feels HA was the place he chose to post.

I am also on a Breast cancer site, and the way he was feeling matched the feelings of women there who are waiting on test results, feeling massive SCANXIETY. They just 'know' something isn't right, and they are justifiably scared of BC. Their doctors may have also given them an idea that there is a possibility and they don't like the sound of their symptoms. Their thought processes swing wildly between 'it won't be', 'it could be' , 'it won't be', 'it could be', 'it is'. That is something I think true HA sufferers don't have - they don't have periods of emotional swings between believing it can't be C and believing it could be C. Infact often, the women I see on there are very adept at convincing themselves that they don't have BC, and sometimes they do.

I tell you what Shepster...your GP !!!!! ...Fancy going back and saying 'just anxiety right'? This proves another point that I feel strongly about, even people with anxiety get physical problems and its often easy to dismiss anxious patients by writing everything off to that.

The point Shepster made though...which is THE most important one to take out of this whole thead...IS: even if your symptoms seem to match something exactly, you are utterly convinced, the probability is extremely high that it won't be your biggest fear coming true. :D:D:D

[pulisa]

Excellent post, Carys. I think it's hard if you don't fit the "make-up" of a hysterical HA sufferer to find a place on NMP. Why shouldn't people who are rational yet absolutely terrified have the same level of support as those who are regulars on the HA board.
I think you have provided wonderful support and empathy on this thread , Carys,and I wish I had seen it earlier because when you know that something is wrong it is absolutely terrifying pushing your way through the various tests and waiting for your the results all the while knowing that there is a possibility of a bad conclusion. That's when you need a caring and empathetic person to talk to who won't compare symptoms or talk about their own health worries.

[Carys]

Pulisa, what a lovely response, thanks for your time writing. That's what I was trying to get at exactly - I think Shepster felt this way himself, and I could see his persepective entirely that there was no 'online place' that fitted what he needed. I felt he fitted into an area that was a bit unique ( but must happen).

As he is a caring, thoughtful person....he didn't want to trigger HA sufferers but he had genuine symptoms, he was not being hysterical or demanding reassurance, and he didn't want to go on a board for those that have cancer (as that is disrespectful to them and he had no diagnosis). He had genuine physical symptoms and was waiting on scan results that 'might' have showed something really unpleasant.

Maybe there is a place on this forum, for a new category, but no idea what it could be called....'I have anxiety because I have real ill health and am scared about my scan?' Oh I don't know, perhaps that's not possible as a concept because HA sufferers also feel they have real ill health. I know that once people receive a diagnosis of a cancer there are forums that can support from that point onwards, but prior to that some people must end up places like this ?

[pulisa]

Absolutely. My approach is similar to Shepster's. I dislike all the hysteria on the HA board and don't want that when I am trying to handle a genuine health concern yet still have an anxiety disorder to contend with and need to stay calm and reasonable.

[Carys]

Yes ! You fit the pattern too, and there must be many like that.

When speaking with those who are waiting on cancer results, tests and scans, we are told not to offer reassurance that it WON'T be (or obviously state that it WILL BE) Cancer. Part of reducing the fear of a serious diagnosis, when it is a possibility, is accepting that possibility in advance. I know it doesn't sound like the right thing to do, as everybody wants to be told that it isn't what they fear, but for the women on the site I am on it IS a possibility based on their scan. Statistics offer reassurance in terms of probability; but quoting that X% of this are benign or similar, won't help to ease the pain of the wait for the results.

So you almost move a bit beyond that and try to get to imagine the scenario if you were told you have the very thing you fear - treatments are availiable, science and medicine have really moved forward in this area, look at these people on here who have had treatment and moved on, your specialists will devise an individual treatment plan, etc. I had a cancer diagnosis nearly two years ago, and my surgeon said before I was diagnosed 'It might be cancer, I don't know until we get the biopsy results, but if it is WE WILL DEAL WITH IT'. Those words stuck in my head, and made me think beyond the ultimate fear, that even if the ultimate fear happened I had skilled people who would treat me, help me and fight with me.

I'm really blathering on now, but I'm saying that if you were to say to a HA sufferer 'well it could be that you know' then they'd go into complete meltdown. However for people like you Pulisa and Shepster, that approach could be more helpful. I'm just musing on things, psychologically speaking....:roflmao:

[pulisa]

I completely agree, Carys. You have to deal with whatever is the outcome and can't collapse in a heap. The irony is that I'm sure a lot of the HA-ers would deal with a bad diagnosis-it is the fear of the unknown which triggers the hysteria..

You must have been through a hell of a lot of anguish, Carys. You give a lot to this forum:hugs:

[Carys]

Bless you, I'm fine....its life...and many have it MUCH worse ! :bighug1:

[Shepster47]

Hi Everyone

Carys has described my experience perfectly. I was flitting between " It will be" and "it wont be" the whole time. My head was being logical with the highly unlikely statistical chance of pc at my age. However, i also had the nagging gut feeling that something wasnt right coupled with the worry that my painful symptoms exactly fit pc. The pain i experienced at that time of the day reflected to which viewpoint i had.

Thankfully i found this forum and with the help of Carys, who listened and helped me get through those times when i was feeling like "it will be".

The thing is im on anxiety medication. The medication works very well. After trial and error i now have reached a sweet spot where im at the lowest dose it can be while still helping with anxiety symptoms. It stops my palpitations, my night sweats, the trembling, you name it, when i first started with anxiety many years ago i had the lot. But since taking my medication, i dont suffer many physical symptoms even when i become highly anxious, just some emotional and mental issues remain. So when i get pains or symptoms i know they are mostly real. Obviously they are certain symptoms that no medication can stop. I get muscle aches alot, and back ache due to being tense while anxious. The one thing i do still get is a lack of appetite, when im anxious i cant eat anything.

I did find i was more anxious with this more than any of the other times i had with the other medical worries. The reason i believe was the dire prognosis of pancreatic cancer. The other times i used to tell myself i would beat it if it was was cancer, i would deal with it. i am a fighter and i knew it would be hard but there was always a fighting chance. But with pancreatic cancer i just felt i couldnt. The odds were just too short.

I also feel a little vindicated with the mrcp, my gp was absolutely certain it was all anxiety and in my head. She flatly refused any other scans and i was to get to grips with my health anxiety. My private consultant was a little more pragmatic but was 100% sure it was nothing due to the clear ct scan. The consultant was correct in that it wasnt pancan, however, the ct scan hadnt picked up anything at all, no cysts whatsoever in the whole of my abdomen, absolutely nothing. But the mrcp picked up the cysts in those 3 internal organs so that ct scan wasnt totally accurate and validated my claim that it wasnt 100% foolproof. Thankfully all it missed was the cysts but it could have been much worse. It cost me alot of money going private, but it was worth every penny to know for sure i dont have cancer.

I have often wondered why i seem to jump to the conclusion that any symptom i have must be caused by cancer. Both my parents died when i was quite young, but none died of cancer, although i have known people who have.

Ive decided this is a very good time to get to the bottom of this thought process of assuming that every pain i have must be cancer, and stop worrying unnecessarily. I have rang a CBT counsellor today. She is going to send me some information through the post and arrange the therapy. Im 47, and i dont want to live my life waiting for the next "scare". After Tuesday i actually feel like i have a second chance and im not going to waste it.

Carys has raised a good question. I did find it hard to find a place when i was waiting for scan results. I couldnt go on a cancer forum, it wasnt fair to burden them further with ramblings of a worried yorkshireman when they are going through so much. So i posted here, but with each post i was aware that i had to be careful what i wrote on this thread. It was public and someone reading this with very bad ha would see my percieved worries about the ct scan as gospel and not my opinion. They may then go into meltdown for nothing. I was able to express my fears easier during private chats.

If you ever do decide to have a new sub forum, i think "Scanxiety" is a great name for it. I certainly had that.

Paul

[Fishmanpa]

If you ever do decide to have a new sub forum, i think "Scanxiety" is a great name for it. I certainly had that.

I know "scanxiety" well as a survivor. That's what I dealt with for the last 5 years around check-up time. Fortunately, in the next month, I'll be deemed cured :D I sought some professional help for a bit to help get my head back on straight. Serious physical illnesses take a toll on you mentally.

Very interesting thread and replies. I agree with Carys that you don't fit the typical HA profile. Anyone who is facing the threat of a real diagnosis would be highly stressed out. I know I was! I'm thrilled to hear it was not your worst fear! :yesyes: I totally understand and know personally the mental stress you go through when you really do have something going on and dealing with the tests.

Like you, I recognized the signs and got some help after my battle. Glad to see you taking positive steps.

Positive thoughts

[Carys]

I know "scanxiety" well as a survivor. That's what I dealt with for the last 5 years around check-up time.

Yes, exactly, same here. I'm glad you've joined this thread FMP, as it is an interesting discussion....worth reading for those in this position of possibly having to deal with a 'real illness'. Good to see you around Shepster, and interesting to hear your further post.

[paranoid-viking]

Hi.

Sorry for the late reply and I must say I am so happy to read that there was not cancer and especially not that most dreadful cancer of them all. I am so happy for you and what you have told is also giving hope to me who is constantly having fear of this cancer too.
I must ask you: do you feel a relief in pain after you got confirmed you dont have cancer. I no doubt the pain is real, but does it feels less bad hearing this but it is for certain that anxiety and fear makes the pain worse. Does your muscles relax more after hearing the great news?

I must add this: your fear; with the symptoms and all is a legitimate concern and it was very right of medical professionals to take this serious. I have been debating with some here who insist that all fear of ilness is irrational, and that fearing HIV from doorknobs or "brain eating amoeba" is just as an illegitimate fear as of the very real ppossibility one could have cancer. I even disagree more with them now. I mean seriously; if that was true the doctors would give equal priority to someone who think they have HIV from a toilet seat or "brain eating bacteria" from pure drinking water to people with yellow skin and blood in the urine. Thank God doctors are not thinking that way.
Again; I am happy for you and please if you have time answer the question about pain and if it was relieved.

:yahoo::yahoo:

[Shepster47]

Hi paranoid-viking
I still have the pains, especially after ive eaten. The difference now is i am not actively feeling for the pain. I found when i was anxious about possible pancan i was literally conscious of every little pain in my stomach 24/7. It took over every aspect of my life and was on my mind so much it was waking me up from my asleep. Knowing its nothing deadly (or at least not cancer) means im not obsessed with feeling for the pain. This makes a massive difference as it also affected my appetite which made me even worse. The pain is still there but the anxiety of it has gone, my appetite is also slowly returning.
Mentally im much better, infact i feel on top of the world. I feel i have a second chance, im enjoying everyday and i also feel i can look to the future. I want to keep this feeling going. The last 4 months have been hell, i was really worried as pc is the worst cancer of them all but thankfully i have come out of the other side.

I have these cysts in my organs, but simple cysts dont worry me. I have had a cyst in my pineal gland under my brain for 10 years.....it doesnt bother me as i know its not cancer. I can cope with a cyst even in a finite space like my skull.

Are they the cause of my pains? maybe, maybe not but i am still under the gastro consultant so
i will still push to find out what is the cause. It could even be my fatty liver or my gilberts syndrome or even some intolerance to something.

If you do suffer from ha and get pains and worry its something like pancan you have to try and look at it statistically. Unless you are over 60 the odds of you getting pancan are very low. Under 50 and its rare. If you suffer from ha then also anxiety will mimic the symptoms. The difference with me is my anxiety meds controls my anxiety symptoms so i knew they were mainly real pains. Although like i said earlier they were amplified by my obsession when feeling for every little nuance of pain.

Im in the process of arranging cbt. I jump to cancer in my head way to quickly, i recognise this and i want to get out of that mind set and from what ive read cbt is the way to go.

The fear of pancreatic cancer has changed me. I was so astonished with the survival statistics that im now thinking of ways i can help. Whether its donating each month, charity work or just informing of the symptoms to everyone i know and telling them to pass the message on i dont know. The problem with pc is there is currently no real cheap early conclusive non invasive tests that could alter survival statiatics.

Im really hopeful that the news about a possible breakthrough in certain cancers being found early by a simple blood test. Pancan is one of them and i hope this proves to be a game changer.

Sorry im getting off topic. Hope ive answered your question paranoid-viking.

[pulisa]

You must feel as if you have a new lease of life, Shepster. Good luck with the proposed CBT-I'm sure you will benefit from it.

Sadly in the news today is the death at 36 of a former footballer. Pancreatic cancer. Statistics aren't relevant when you prove the exception. There needs to be far more money allocated for research into this terrible cancer.