mich1
19-01-18, 20:10
I've just spent the past hour reading through a ton of threads in this category before posting and it breaks my heart to see so many people suffering from such recognisable symptoms, sensations, thoughts and fears. I also take comfort by not feeling completely alone in how I feel when in the true grip of HA at its worst.
I have to say I have an amazing bunch of people around me who are patient and supportive but there's just no way they can understand how this feels without having gone through it, I can see it in their eyes...I remember before it happened to me, I gave the same supportive but quizzical look to an old friend I'm no longer i touch with who described similar symptoms.
I wouldn't wish HA on my worst enemy but I wish those around me could experience how bad it can get for just 10 seconds so they can really grasp the sheer terror that one can experience when in the group of HA run amok.
I'm not even sure what I want to write in this first post, I'll just brainstorming...more observations from 8 years of what feels like this curse.
I have had periods where I feel it's gone or I'm at least on top of it, then it can come back with such a blinding vengeance and seemingly out of nowhere. It's these what feel like random attacks that make it so hard to just relax and say "oh, that's just my health anxiety again..."
When I'm outside of them, I think...why did I even think that was something dangerous or potentially fatal? I feel foolish and I can see clearly "of course I'm not dying"....but then it comes back and in the midst of the storm, I'm absolutely convinced that this time, it's it...it's the end.
What brought me to finally join and post on a forum was one of the worst attacks I've had ever...
I ended up going to the emergency room as I felt so dizzy and out of it that I just thought it was the end. Something was CLEARLY wrong!
They did a bunch of tests and they found nothing apart from the fact that I have pretty high blood pressure...so they put me on some BP medication.
But here's where it gets twisted...
Have been taking the medication for a few days now, but today have just been feeling completely wrong again.
Heart rate is constantly high, head's killing me, have this impending sense of doom, heavy arms, weakness, etc...all classic anxiety symptoms....and you'd think that after all this time, I could reason myself to a place of relative calm?
Not a chance....I'm a total slave to the ferocity of my brain convincing me that yes indeed, tonight you will collapse and die!
The fear is overwhelming, and again, I know that I'm just feeding it more...but this vicious cycle feels impossible to break.
Somehow, just trying to best to ride it out is all I can do but I thought it's about time I joined a forum where I can share and read what other people are going through.
All I can say is, as fearful as I feel for myself right now, when reading other people's threads...I don't feel fear...I feel understanding, recognition - I totally know how terrifying it feels but it will pass. I also recognise that to someone in the grip of an attack, that may be small consolation but I hope it's better than nothing...and certainly better than feeling you're all in your own in this awful condition.
Sorry for it turning into such a long post, but I just wanted to get some thoughts out there, even just to the universe...they say it helps!
I hope and wish all of us find our own way out of this torturous prison....sooner rather than later!
I don't know any of you, but I believe I know exactly what you're going through!
Stay strong!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
I have to say I have an amazing bunch of people around me who are patient and supportive but there's just no way they can understand how this feels without having gone through it, I can see it in their eyes...I remember before it happened to me, I gave the same supportive but quizzical look to an old friend I'm no longer i touch with who described similar symptoms.
I wouldn't wish HA on my worst enemy but I wish those around me could experience how bad it can get for just 10 seconds so they can really grasp the sheer terror that one can experience when in the group of HA run amok.
I'm not even sure what I want to write in this first post, I'll just brainstorming...more observations from 8 years of what feels like this curse.
I have had periods where I feel it's gone or I'm at least on top of it, then it can come back with such a blinding vengeance and seemingly out of nowhere. It's these what feel like random attacks that make it so hard to just relax and say "oh, that's just my health anxiety again..."
When I'm outside of them, I think...why did I even think that was something dangerous or potentially fatal? I feel foolish and I can see clearly "of course I'm not dying"....but then it comes back and in the midst of the storm, I'm absolutely convinced that this time, it's it...it's the end.
What brought me to finally join and post on a forum was one of the worst attacks I've had ever...
I ended up going to the emergency room as I felt so dizzy and out of it that I just thought it was the end. Something was CLEARLY wrong!
They did a bunch of tests and they found nothing apart from the fact that I have pretty high blood pressure...so they put me on some BP medication.
But here's where it gets twisted...
Have been taking the medication for a few days now, but today have just been feeling completely wrong again.
Heart rate is constantly high, head's killing me, have this impending sense of doom, heavy arms, weakness, etc...all classic anxiety symptoms....and you'd think that after all this time, I could reason myself to a place of relative calm?
Not a chance....I'm a total slave to the ferocity of my brain convincing me that yes indeed, tonight you will collapse and die!
The fear is overwhelming, and again, I know that I'm just feeding it more...but this vicious cycle feels impossible to break.
Somehow, just trying to best to ride it out is all I can do but I thought it's about time I joined a forum where I can share and read what other people are going through.
All I can say is, as fearful as I feel for myself right now, when reading other people's threads...I don't feel fear...I feel understanding, recognition - I totally know how terrifying it feels but it will pass. I also recognise that to someone in the grip of an attack, that may be small consolation but I hope it's better than nothing...and certainly better than feeling you're all in your own in this awful condition.
Sorry for it turning into such a long post, but I just wanted to get some thoughts out there, even just to the universe...they say it helps!
I hope and wish all of us find our own way out of this torturous prison....sooner rather than later!
I don't know any of you, but I believe I know exactly what you're going through!
Stay strong!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk