Squeezing dog advice

[Wantingtomoveon]

Hi guys, I need some advice please.
I am getting over an episode. I’m in recovery after therapy. Now I am wondering if I am a monster. I have never and will never hurt a child or animal. However I’m currently looking after a dog and she is just the most cutest dog I have ever seen. She is very much loved with us. But she is so cute I get “cute aggression” and have squeezed her head so tight twice that she has squeaked. I just love her cuteness so much. I never want to hurt her but she’s so cute I couldn’t not! No I feel awfully guilty about her squeaking. I’m not looking for my actions being ok ‘d but now my OCD is kicking in and saying “oh you acted out that thought so maybe you’ll act out your others” when I know I wouldn’t. Any advice?x

[Bigboyuk]

Hi No you aren't a monster perhaps this is due to past experiences in your life where you have been hurt by other people, if it continues you will find the dog will begin to become wary about you, and you don't want that Iam sure, try and be gentle towards her and if you feel this aggression coming on put the dog down on the floor and leave till this subsides :) Dogs are precious and would never hurt us like people do, and this sucks that mankind can be so cruel to each other. What breed is she? ATB

[EmmerLooeez]

Bless you. It must feel awful. Just remember how beautiful your pup is and that you don't want to hurt her, even if you feel like giving her a squeeze. Remind yourself that you just love how cute she is and you don't want to hurt her.

Was it a thought you had and then followed through, then?

xx

[Carys]

Hiyer this 'wanting to squeeze cute things' is a well documented psychological response which is quite common and I've experienced myself. I personally don't like the term 'aggression' in the phrase, as it isn't true aggression because I don't believe people really want to hurt the animal and are mortified if they do. There are many conflicting thoughts about why this occurs, and even with reading lots of boring papers, you will just go in circles. The point to know though, is that the loveliness and cuteness of the dog produces an extreme emotional response (like people saying they want to pinch babies' cheeks!), and we don't know how to deal with it. So, I know you are scared as you think the dog was hurt by being squeezed, but I bet the moment the dog squeaked you were horrified you thought you'd hurt it. It might not have been hurt at all, but just squeaking through wanting to be let go and feeling physically trapped. I don't think you've done anything serious here.

The key is to recognise that you aren't a freak and I don't believe you re a threat to the dog. However, you need to find a way to manage the intense emotion you feel towards the lovely animal so that you don't accidentally squeeze a little too tight. Perhaps, without touching the dog, but looking at it, clench your fists really tight and pull your arms in to your body and use your muscles to hold you arms in, and say out loud 'Ooo you are adorable and so wonderful and lovely and blah blah'. Process some of the strong emotion you feel into a physical response (like people beat pillows when they are angry) and then after reacting strongly verbally, and untensing everything, go to the dog and gently stroke it. I think, after a few times of doing this it might help to make you realise that you can release that strong feeling without touching the dog.

I'm not a medic, and these are just the thoughts of a lay-person, but I have felt the feelings you talk about with guineapigs when I was younger :) Its good thing that you love this little animal so much, and I bet now you understand what happened it won't occur again.

[Wantingtomoveon]

Hi No you aren't a monster perhaps this is due to past experiences in your life where you have been hurt by other people, if it continues you will find the dog will begin to become wary about you, and you don't want that Iam sure, try and be gentle towards her and if you feel this aggression coming on put the dog down on the floor and leave till this subsides :) Dogs are precious and would never hurt us like people do, and this sucks that mankind can be so cruel to each other. What breed is she? ATB


Thank you for your reply Bigboy. It’s just like an insane cuteness and I just want to squeeze her so much. I know “cute aggression” is a real thing and I didn’t think I would actually get carried away and she would squeak! I would never ever harm an animal or a child. I am a mum myself and my daughter is so precious. I feel awful now that I didn’t stop myself. She looks like a teddy bear 🐻 she’s a Bichon Frise.

[Carys]

Please don't get yourself too tense about this and concerned about this 'acting out' thing. Everyone, now and again gets so emotional that they over respond to something like this, and its untruthful if they say they haven't. I have hugged my daughter so tight once that she shouted 'Owww, get off'.....its not that I really hurt her.....but it was uncomfortable. That's kind of what you did to the dog.

[Wantingtomoveon]

Bless you. It must feel awful. Just remember how beautiful your pup is and that you don't want to hurt her, even if you feel like giving her a squeeze. Remind yourself that you just love how cute she is and you don't want to hurt her.

Was it a thought you had and then followed through, then?

xx

Hi Em, thank you for your reply.

I don’t want to hurt her no, not at all. I’ve literally never seen such a cute dog. She looks like a teddy bear. I’ve never actually felt “cute aggression” like this before! I just want to squeeze her so much. Gosh I sound like a freak! I feel awful though that I made her squeak... twice! Should’ve learnt the first time. And still want to squeeze her but am being very controlled now!

I just had these thoughts like I want to squeeze you so much and I did!
I look at my toddler daughter who is so super duper cute and I have no “cute aggression” towards her and never will! I smother her with kisses but that’s as far as that goes! I don’t want to hurt anyone or anything! I never will )m(intentionally!)xx

[Bigboyuk]

Thank you for your reply Bigboy. It’s just like an insane cuteness and I just want to squeeze her so much. I know “cute aggression” is a real thing and I didn’t think I would actually get carried away and she would squeak! I would never ever harm an animal or a child. I am a mum myself and my daughter is so precious. I feel awful now that I didn’t stop myself. She looks like a teddy bear �� she’s a Bichon Frise. I hear you and I know you didn't intentionally try to hurt her, try harder next time not to squeeze to hard on the dog they are so delicate and fluffy and it's nice breed I have a very tough type of dog a staffy bull terrier but when I have stepped on her paw by mistake she lets me know! Think you will get through this with some different thinking :) ATB

[Fishmanpa]

Squeezing dog advice

I keep seeing "Sneezing Dog Advice" ~lol~

Positive thoughts and a tissue

[Bigboyuk]

Squeezing dog advice

I keep seeing "Sneezing Dog Advice" ~lol~

Positive thoughts and a tissue I did too how strange is that as make appointment for glasses LOL ATB

[Carys]

Wanting to move on.....have you considered the advice I gave above about using up the emotional energy in a physical way before stroking the dog ?

[Wantingtomoveon]

Wanting to move on.....have you considered the advice I gave above about using up the emotional energy in a physical way before stroking the dog ?



I did thank you. It worked. She has gone back home to her mummy now for the weekend.

It just scares me a bit. I wanted to squeeze her hard out of cuteness and I did it. So hence I’m thinking I must be a monster. What if I can do this with the horrible intrusive thoughts. Although I am a million percent I would never ever harm my daughter. I feel like a terrible human.

[Carys]

NO, you won't hurt her, its a fear of hurting her that is making you feel this way now - and that you could 'lose control'. Are you sure you even squeezed her that hard - as I say some dogs just squeak if they feel a bit trapped or uncomfortable. Did she run off and hide her, with her tail between her legs and give you a horrible look ? It sounds like you also aren't used to having a dog around, so just look upon it as a learning experience, next time you look after her just practice the thing I told you to do. It could be that as you've just come out of an 'episode' you are extra sensitive to the extreme feelings of wanting to squeeze and cuddle.

[Wantingtomoveon]

NO, you won't hurt her, its a fear of hurting her that is making you feel this way now - and that you could 'lose control'. Are you sure you even squeezed her that hard - as I say some dogs just squeak if they feel a bit trapped or uncomfortable. Did she run off and hide her, with her tail between her legs and give you a horrible look ? It sounds like you also aren't used to having a dog around, so just look upon it as a learning experience, next time you look after her just practice the thing I told you to do. It could be that as you've just come out of an 'episode' you are extra sensitive to the extreme feelings of wanting to squeeze and cuddle.

Thank you Carys again for replying 😊
That ribs true what you said about fear of hurting her and losing control.
I don’t know if it was mega hard. I was rubbing her ears and behind them and squeezing her round there but my head was pretty close to her. I let go and she stayed sitting there, didn’t move or do anything like run away with her tail between her legs. Just carried on as though nothing happened.
I grew up with dogs and never had that whole cute aggression with them.

X

[Carys]

Then I'm not sure she was that bothered, as much as you think she was. She sounds like she was ok :) If she just sat there as if nothing had happened. Maybe you accidentally caught a bit of fur or something?

[Wantingtomoveon]

Then I'm not sure she was that bothered, as much as you think she was. She sounds like she was ok :) If she just sat there as if nothing had happened. Maybe you accidentally caught a bit of fur or something?



I think she was ok. I think the pressure was just a bit much for her 😞 it made her squeak x

[swgrl09]

For what it's worth, my dog can be a bit of a baby. I can just pet her ears in the wrong direction and she will yelp. She stepped on an acorn and cried. It could just be that the dog was surprised or a bit of a wimp as well. I don't think you sound like a violent person or that you actually were hurting the dog.

[Wantingtomoveon]

For what it's worth, my dog can be a bit of a baby. I can just pet her ears in the wrong direction and she will yelp. She stepped on an acorn and cried. It could just be that the dog was surprised or a bit of a wimp as well. I don't think you sound like a violent person or that you actually were hurting the dog.

Thank you. I think I was probably a little too hard but at the moment didn’t think she minded as she fit me a nose and she was soooo cute.
I’ve woken up feeling horrendous and ruminating massively.

[Bigboyuk]

The dog is none the worse for what happened the other day, dogs live in the here and now not what happened the other day it's gone and forgotten about, you must move on from this just like your username suggests :) So no more blaming your self either you aren't a bad person so now put it to the back of your mind ATB :) ATB