My best friend’s cancer is a major trigger *trigger warning*

[Missb89]

My best friend in the entire World was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2016. It was initially stage two, but is now stage four. Before she got sick we both shared an extreme fear of death and health anxiety and we would always talk about how afraid we were of something happening to us. She’s only 30 years old a single mother with two children, and I’m 28 a single mother with one child.

She is living through my worst nightmare, and I am absolutely heartbroken knowing that I’m going to lose my best friend of 13 years, she mind as well be my sister. At the same time I have been witness to all of her surgeries, all of her infections, and all the aches and pains she gets and it is extremely triggering to me. My health anxiety is the worst it has ever been And there is no relief in site because I will not abandon her so I know I will watch her get sicker and sicker and eventually pass.

I feel so stupid and selfish constantly obsessing about my symptoms and fears when the person I love so much is actually going through terminal disease and is handling it so bravely most of the time. I just feel like I’m living in a nightmare.

[NancyW]

I am in the same boat, my friend of 17 years has uterine cancer stage 4.

The range of emotions is unreal, I want to support her but I also want to run away, it's awful and making me feel awful.

[braveinfiction]

I know why it's scary to you guys, but cancer is not at all contagious and your friends need your support.

[NancyW]

I know why it's scary to you guys, but cancer is not at all contagious and your friends need your support.


I know it's not contagious.. that's even silly to say. It's a horrid deep seeded fear of cancer.

[Missb89]

I know why it's scary to you guys, but cancer is not at all contagious and your friends need your support.

I know it’s not contagious, but I have a cancer phobia. However, I do not let that stop me from being there for her I have driven her to countless doctors appointments I was there for her when her husband wasn’t, I have devoted myself completely to being there for her because I love her more than anything, But at the end of the day the stress from seeing her go through this is real and it is a major trigger to me and I am in a bad place mentally.

[WiseMonkey]

I'm sorry for what you're both going through ... I lost a g/friend to cervical cancer she was 32. That was 26 years ago.

Her experience turned into an HA nightmare for me, especially when I started having symptoms! However, I had medical insurance and was able to quickly see a gynecologist and there was nothing wrong, it was just hormones and the beginning of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. twenty-six years on I'm still anxious about cervical cancer!

It was a terrible time and her daughters were so young. All you can do is be there for them and make sure you get some time out for yourself. Take care xx

[jojo2316]

It is good that you are standing by your friend in spite of your fears. That is testament to your strength

[tryingtosurvive1]

You're both good people. I would seek out a therapist or social worker or religious person to talk to though, you need some support as well.

[NancyW]

Missb I'm not quite as close to the situation as you are, this is not my best friend. I'm struggling with it on many levels. I can't imagine how it is for you. :-(

[swajj]

I can see how it would be a trigger. Someone close to me died from a brain tumour during the time I had HA. I thought that would trigger me because I was convinced I had a brain tumour a couple of times. It didn’t though because when I visited her in hospital I saw how sick someone with a brain tumour actually is and I knew I would never imagine I had one again.

[Hypo27]

This’s goes to show you cancer is becoming really common and it strikes at any age this is scary... I’m sorry to hear about your friend..

[Carys]

Hypo, that is NOT an appropriate thing to say, AT ALL. This doesn't show anything of the sort! (Hypo has a cancer fear that has been ongoing for quite some time) Can I add in response to his comment, that its not more common, but more likely to be diagnosed in order to treat people earlier and therefore it doesn't claim lives!

Anyway, back to the subject discussion. I feel for you guys, and understand where you are coming from - you must be experiencing a large range of complex emtions. You know, when someone has a cancer diagnosis even people without ongoing HA disappear into the wordwork - their own fear of mortality and not knowing how to deal with it makes them profoundly uncomfortable, and so they retreat leaving the sufferer alone. It is immensely to your credit, that despite your HA you have not done this. It shows great strength and courage.

I don't know about how you can deal with the triggers that you are experiencing, other than just perhaps accept that they will happen whilst you are dealing with this terribly difficult situation. Being triggered is just that, it doesn't mean you have or will ever have the same yourself, and I think although you find yourself dealing with some terribly upsetting situations, you need remind yourselves that you ARE coping and you are doing so much good to your friends.

[Missb89]

My primary health anxiety fears are extreme cancer phobia and ALS. And the fact that her and I used to talk about how scared we were and then it actually happens to her makes me feel like it will happen to me too.

[MyNameIsTerry]

The reality is, anything could happen to us. I could step outside my front door tomorrow and be killed crossing the street. There is only so much you can do to protect yourself before you have to live in a sealed bubble and even then something can always come along. But you know this, I'm sure you do, it's just anxiety trying to make your fears more valid to itself.

I think you are doing brilliantly. Talk on here if you need support with your anxiety and want to spare your friend your concerns, people on here will be happy to help you. But I think you need to remember that what defines you isn't your anxiety, what defines you is the strength you have to put that anxiety aside and put your all into supporting your friend.

I'm sorry to hear what your friend is going through:hugs::flowers: She is very lucky to have a friend like you and I'm sure she knows this too. I just hope gets all the support she needs to make this as comfortable as possible for her.

[Missb89]

The reality is, anything could happen to us. I could step outside my front door tomorrow and be killed crossing the street. There is only so much you can do to protect yourself before you have to live in a sealed bubble and even then something can always come along. But you know this, I'm sure you do, it's just anxiety trying to make your fears more valid to itself.

I think you are doing brilliantly. Talk on here if you need support with your anxiety and want to spare your friend your concerns, people on here will be happy to help you. But I think you need to remember that what defines you isn't your anxiety, what defines you is the strength you have to put that anxiety aside and put your all into supporting your friend.

I'm sorry to hear what your friend is going through: hugs::flowers: She is very lucky to have a friend like you and I'm sure she knows this too. I just hope gets all the support she needs to make this as comfortable as possible for her.
Thank you! It’s nice to hear because I don’t feel strong, but I could never imagine not being there for her. She has always been one of the only people in my life that I one hundred percent know I can for sure count on, and I will be that for her.