How to learn to trust doctors?

[Bastett]

Being in my 1st trimester of pregnancy, I felt something in my right breast that seemed odd to me, a bit harder than other places in my breasts. Naturally I freaked out about breast cancer. 2 months ago I've had blood work on oncological markers and all were practically non-existant, zero. My gynecologist sent me to do them because of my family history. So the next morning I rushed to breast ultrasound (payed privately so that I got to have it right now). I went to a very experienced and knowledgeable specialist. She felt my breast and did an ultrasound and said that I had nothing to worry because what I felt was only part of my milk ducts that had become this way due to my pregnancy. She even ultrasounded the area twice, to specifically show me that it was ok. Because I had read in google that it is worse if they can't see the lump on ultrasound, but she saw what I was talking about and showed me that - and said it was convincingly not a lump to begin with.

I was reassured for some days but then the panic returned. I went to my own gynecologist, she is also an ultrasound specialist and has the ultrasound machine in her office as well. She felt my breast, took a look at ultrasound results and said that i had no reason not to trust the first doctor, that it is what is written in results and certainly not cancer.

To reassure me she said that we can look at the ultrasound again in her office and she did it, and showed it to me in the screen and explained me how it works, that it was just a harder milk duct, she said it can happen due to pregnancy (which I have), and STRESS (which I certainly do have in very large amounts). Told me not to worry, and stop being anxious since it could cause harm to my baby.

I trust her, I really do, and it all went well for some 4 days. But now I want an ultrasound again, because - what if they both missed something ? Highly unlikely, i know! My sister has felt my breast in that area and said i was being ridiculous because she has had the same thing happen when she was pregnant both times and nothing was wrong.


I am trying to be calm, I am not crying over this anymore and not telling my husband that he is going to have to raise our child alone (I did that when I first found the "lump")

I feel fine during the day while I am not touching it. But once I touch the area, I feel panick again, because I can honestly feel the harder milk duct than others, and I am in a desperate need to learn how to trust my doctors!


Prior to visiting my gynecologist I felt and promised my husband that I would trust her if she says I have nothing to worry about. Because she is very professional and knowledgeable, and really checks through everything thoroughly and finds things that others may have missed.

I think I need to re-learn the trust thing. I need to accept that I am fine now, and I can always go for another ultrasound in 4-5 months, if I want to. Certainly no need to go for another one every other week, right ? Since I've already had two in two weeks time since I got all panicky about it.

But how to learn to calm myself and wait , is a big question to me! :scared15::doh:

[Carys]

This is classic HA isn't it, and I think you are really aware of that as your post shows a lot of self-wareness. All the tests and reassurances you get will make no difference, until you start working on the way you think about things. OK, lets look at the facts here, you've had TWO, not one but TWO very competent specialists explain quite clearly to you the extensive (and repetitious) scan results. Both of those opinions are categorical, there is nothing there to be concerned about, your symptoms are from your pregnancy and hormonal changes.

That is great news, but your brain doesn't want to believe it.

(Can I just say at this point, that you are having more checks and opinions than anyone who has/had breast cancer!)

You need to start applying rational thought to this, as irrationality has taken over. When the irrational thought pops into your head, you have to counteract it with a rational one. E.g. there IS a lump there I know there is....answer yourself with.....of course there is, I'm pregnant and its hormone changes, quite to be expected. There will be a positive answer for every negative one that your mind comes up with. :winks: Another example; 'They might have missed something, I'm sure they have'....answer yourself with....'these are trained professionals, their life work and expertise is the thing I fear, they KNOW what to look for and have seen nothing'. I witter on here a fair bit about self-talk, but it has worked so well for me. It takes discipline and strength to apply this approach, your anxious brain will keep battling back with the fears, but you can do it!

[TheGroundhog]

Don't touch, or at least give it a month or something, don't ask for reassurance, don't mention it aloud to anyone, don't visit doctors about it.

When you have HA no amount of reassurance is ever enough, and the more you get the more you want.

So what you do is cut it off at source.

In practice very hard to do, but it is doable, and also extra hard when pregnancy hormones are raging (been there you have my sympathies). But it really is the only way.

[Bastett]

This is classic HA isn't it, and I think you are really aware of that as your post shows a lot of self-wareness. All the tests and reassurances you get will make no difference, until you start working on the way you think about things. OK, lets look at the facts here, you've had TWO, not one but TWO very competent specialists explain quite clearly to you the extensive (and repetitious) scan results. Both of those opinions are categorical, there is nothing there to be concerned about, your symptoms are from your pregnancy and hormonal changes.

That is great news, but your brain doesn't want to believe it.

(Can I just say at this point, that you are having more checks and opinions than anyone who has/had breast cancer!)

You need to start applying rational thought to this, as irrationality has taken over. When the irrational thought pops into your head, you have to counteract it with a rational one. E.g. there IS a lump there I know there is....answer yourself with.....of course there is, I'm pregnant and its hormone changes, quite to be expected. There will be a positive answer for every negative one that your mind comes up with. :winks: Another example; 'They might have missed something, I'm sure they have'....answer yourself with....'these are trained professionals, their life work and expertise is the thing I fear, they KNOW what to look for and have seen nothing'. I witter on here a fair bit about self-talk, but it has worked so well for me. It takes discipline and strength to apply this approach, your anxious brain will keep battling back with the fears, but you can do it!


Thank you, I will try it more! I've been talking to myself like this (and to my husband, unfortunately :D ), I keep repeating to me facts like the ones I wrote in my post and that seems to help. Until the next showering when I check it again. :D So for now it is ~ half an hour a day when I am worried about this. Compared to 24/7 when I cried and cried for 2 days straight, before I had the first ultrasound, I've improved. :D

---------- Post added at 12:37 ---------- Previous post was at 12:35 ----------

And yes, I am very aware of my HA problem. Rationally I understand, that no way in hell I could get not one, but FIVE different cancers during last 10 weeks. Each of which I've been obsessed with and been given all clear by professionals (not even GPs, but oncologists, ENTs, gynecologists, etc.)

[Carys]

Yep, as groundhog says, 'cut it off at source'. It won't be a magic cure, today its here, tomorrow its gone....it will take time and repetition of the facts over and over. There is no need to check again, at all, or feel; infact that it counter productive as it is more likely to bruise tissue. YOu are already making progress, well done on that, keep going !

[Bastett]

I have that magical thinking going on that if I don't check it every day it may grow fast etc. Like me touching it would make it smaller or not growing :D :D :D

Funny thing is that since I started to worry about this, my lymph node worries went to the second plane and I stopped poking my node on the back of my neck and it has gone significantly down during last 10 days. :D