View Full Version : Health Anxiety - a case study
I don't post on here much about my own fears, as I don't believe in giving them the respect of acting as if they're legitimate. But I had a health scare recently that played out from beginning to end in a short space of time and thought I'd share it as an example of how it works, and for people to see if it matches up with their own experiences.
A couple of months ago in the UK we had a freak weather phenomenon where the Sun was turned red from dust particles after a storm. It was beautiful, and I looked out of the office window and glared at it for a few second...
S***, I thought, you're not supposed to glare at the Sun.
So I Googled, didn't I? I did the one thing I tell people off on here from doing. And I found all the many, many eclipse scare stories from the USA, warning of the dangers of staring at the sun, and how even a tiny amount of radiation can cause solar retinopathy. Damage to the retina. And I panicked. A lot.
So over the next few days, during the time my "research" had told me I would develop problems, I was constantly scanning my vision. I was starting to notice afterimages were more prominent, my vision was blurry, there was a yellow mark on my computer screen which moved with my eyes, and the slightest hint of a yellowish tint to the centre on my vision when I looked at a white wall. Most scary when I woke up in a morning there was a black dot in the centre of my vision when I blinked.
S***
So I went to the optician. It was my second eye test in a week as it turned out, as I'd just been for my routine test! And they took me very seriously and did a lot of tests, but no, there was no damage, at all, that they could see.
I was reassured briefly, and then I continued panicking because I thought what if a high street optician isn't trained enough and I need an opthalmologist?, but eventually it all got better, and I got bored of this fear, and it went away.
Why? Because, due to hypervigilance, all I was doing was noticing normal visual disturbance that my brain usually does its job and filters out. (In fact I found out the yellow computer screen splodges were a cool effect called Haidinger's brushes, where the eye detects polarised lights on surfaces such as laptop screens, which I had never noticed until I was hypervigilant to my eyesight).
So the pattern here:
Get a thought in your head (from something daft you've done, or a physical "symptom" you have).
Panic.
"Research" the symptoms
Learn all kinds of fancy new medical terminology
Start hyperfocusing on your body, armed with the symptoms you "should" be experiencing.
Low and behold - experience the symptoms.
Freak out.
Get worse.
See a medical professional for reassurance. Get the inevitable all clear.
Feel relieved.
Start to doubt that relief.
But eventually get bored of this fear and, quite probably, move onto a new one.
Sound familiar?
Very familiar except in my case I tend to have second and third opinions sometimes and when GP says it is ok, I never believe her. I go and pay my money to check myself with professionals of any given sphere. And often my worries tend to switch from one to another, and when the latter has been given all clear, I jump back to my previous scares. My scares are always something sinister. So that I tend to brush off any minor issues as if they never happened (when I probably should pay attention to them and get help) because they are not a symptom of any sort of cancer.
Very familiar except in my case I tend to have second and third opinions sometimes and when GP says it is ok, I never believe her. I go and pay my money to check myself with professionals of any given sphere. And often my worries tend to switch from one to another, and when the latter has been given all clear, I jump back to my previous scares. My scares are always something sinister. So that I tend to brush off any minor issues as if they never happened (when I probably should pay attention to them and get help) because they are not a symptom of any sort of cancer.
I've always been fortunate that my HA, bar the odd wobble like here, has never manifested as distrusting medical professionals.
I don't post on here much about my own fears, as I don't believe in giving them the respect of acting as if they're legitimate. But I had a health scare recently that played out from beginning to end in a short space of time and thought I'd share it as an example of how it works, and for people to see if it matches up with their own experiences.
A couple of months ago in the UK we had a freak weather phenomenon where the Sun was turned red from dust particles after a storm. It was beautiful, and I looked out of the office window and glared at it for a few second...
S***, I thought, you're not supposed to glare at the Sun.
So I Googled, didn't I? I did the one thing I tell people off on here from doing. And I found all the many, many eclipse scare stories from the USA, warning of the dangers of staring at the sun, and how even a tiny amount of radiation can cause solar retinopathy. Damage to the retina. And I panicked. A lot.
So over the next few days, during the time my "research" had told me I would develop problems, I was constantly scanning my vision. I was starting to notice afterimages were more prominent, my vision was blurry, there was a yellow mark on my computer screen which moved with my eyes, and the slightest hint of a yellowish tint to the centre on my vision when I looked at a white wall. Most scary when I woke up in a morning there was a black dot in the centre of my vision when I blinked.
S***
So I went to the optician. It was my second eye test in a week as it turned out, as I'd just been for my routine test! And they took me very seriously and did a lot of tests, but no, there was no damage, at all, that they could see.
I was reassured briefly, and then I continued panicking because I thought what if a high street optician isn't trained enough and I need an opthalmologist?, but eventually it all got better, and I got bored of this fear, and it went away.
Why? Because all I was doing was noticing normal visual disturbance that my brain usually filters out due to hypervigilance. (In fact I found out the yellow computer screen splodges were a cool effect called Haidinger's brushes, where the eye detects polarised lights on surfaces such as laptop screens, which I had never noticed until I was hypervigilant to my eyesight).
So the pattern here:
Get a thought in your head (from something daft you've done, or a physical "symptom" you have).
Panic.
"Research" the symptoms
Learn all kinds of fancy new medical terminology
Start hyperfocusing on your body, armed with the symptoms you "should" be experiencing.
Freak out.
Get worse.
See a medical professional for reassurance. Get the inevitable all clear.
Feel relieved.
Start to doubt that relief.
But eventually get bored of this fear and, quite probably, move onto a new one.
Sound familiar?
This is all too familiar! Except for me sometimes I go on here to calm down with my HA, and end up getting the opposite! I end up triggered by someone's post (this is how my lymphoma scare started) and then go down that rabbit hole, which I've been for the past few weeks :doh:
---------- Post added at 15:48 ---------- Previous post was at 15:47 ----------
Very familiar except in my case I tend to have second and third opinions sometimes and when GP says it is ok, I never believe her. I go and pay my money to check myself with professionals of any given sphere. And often my worries tend to switch from one to another, and when the latter has been given all clear, I jump back to my previous scares. My scares are always something sinister. So that I tend to brush off any minor issues as if they never happened (when I probably should pay attention to them and get help) because they are not a symptom of any sort of cancer.
Bastett I've had to get second opinions as well, not in all cases...it might just depend on the extent of the tests I've received.
Yes, for me this describes it perfectly. I also went through a similar thing when I started focusing on visual disturbance last year after I started noticing flickering in artificial light. I became so obsessed with my light sensitivity that I freaked out when I had to move to an office with a fluorescent light because I could detect a flicker when I waved my hand under the light. Spent ages walking round waving my fingers around under different lights to see whether there was a flicker / strobe effect. Convinced myself I had a brain tumor. Made so much fuss about the lighting in my office that they had to knock a wall through so I could sit next to a window. In the summer I noticed that my hair was shedding at what I thought was an alarming rate so I started to obsess about that instead and although the visual stuff is still the same, I don't notice it now because I am obsessing over other things. The hair obsession was a few obsessions ago now, I've moved on several times.
The difference for me is that I used to go through these cycles and it would die down for a while. I could have quite long stretches between episodes, months or even when times were good a year or so; lately it's been constant, moving from one obsession to the next and sometimes having more than one on the go at once. I feel like my health anxiety has reached a new level of intensity and I'm unsure why, but on the plus side, it's made it impossible for me to ignore. I used to think that I was 'cured' once I got medical reassurance for a symptom, always in denial about the fact that the cycle would at some point start again. Now, since there is no break between cycles, it's impossible for me to let it continue like this so I am having to really try to tackle it in whatever ways I can.
This is all too familiar! Except for me sometimes I go on here to calm down with my HA, and end up getting the opposite! I end up triggered by someone's post (this is how my lymphoma scare started) and then go down that rabbit hole, which I've been for the past few weeks :doh:
The worst spiral I've ever been in is because I read something on here I hadn't previously thought of.
The problem is when you're spiralling, with all respect to posters on here, it isn't always good to surround yourself with people in a similar state to you. Your anxiety hisses at you 'See that person's scared by spots/rashes/aches/itches/blood/pains too, so your fear must be valid if other people are thinking it', and you end up subconsciously swapping notes on "research" you've done with panicked Googling.
Really if you want the best support on here you should leave the specific details of your fear at the door - because they are always arbitrary - and talk to people about anxiety not "symptoms". It's often easier said than done, but wallowing and validating the specifics of your symptoms will at least keep your anxiety wheels spinning, if not do more to harm to you by training your brain it's the real issue here when it's not.
---------- Post added at 16:37 ---------- Previous post was at 16:30 ----------
The difference for me is that I used to go through these cycles and it would die down for a while. I could have quite long stretches between episodes, months or even when times were good a year or so; lately it's been constant, moving from one obsession to the next and sometimes having more than one on the go at once. I feel like my health anxiety has reached a new level of intensity and I'm unsure why, but on the plus side, it's made it impossible for me to ignore. I used to think that I was 'cured' once I got medical reassurance for a symptom, always in denial about the fact that the cycle would at some point start again. Now, since there is no break between cycles, it's impossible for me to let it continue like this so I am having to really try to tackle it in whatever ways I can.
Yeah... I recognise all this.
It's not the same for everyone, but therapy has also made me realise "Health Anxiety" isn't what I have, I have Generalised Anxiety that often focuses on health. The breaks in between were when my anxiety latched on to something else non-health-related, sometimes without me even noticing.
It takes quite a lot of rewiring of your brain and untraining of bad habits, and if you're not already I would certainly recommend seeking CBT, or other help a professional thinks suitable for you.
This is all too familiar! Except for me sometimes I go on here to calm down with my HA, and end up getting the opposite! I end up triggered by someone's post (this is how my lymphoma scare started) and then go down that rabbit hole, which I've been for the past few weeks :doh:
---------- Post added at 15:48 ---------- Previous post was at 15:47 ----------
Bastett I've had to get second opinions as well, not in all cases...it might just depend on the extent of the tests I've received.
I got 2 breast ultrasounds from two respectable specialists with a week difference only to be told the same thing. :roflmao: And the best part of this is the fact that i seriously consider having another one in a month :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: Somebody stop me please.
I got 2 breast ultrasounds from two respectable specialists with a week difference only to be told the same thing. :roflmao: And the best part of this is the fact that i seriously consider having another one in a month :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: Somebody stop me please.
Well, only one person can stop you...
I on the contrary feel better here, reading that people have the same fears I do. I am triggered with random findings or articles or commercials.
---------- Post added at 18:29 ---------- Previous post was at 18:24 ----------
Well, only one person can stop you...
I know and I'm keeping myself somewhat controlled about this one.
I've understood that this is like some sort of addiction:
1) find a lump/a symptom
2) convince myself that a terminal illness is inevitable
3) schedule a visit or a test/scan, convinced that they will confirm your fears and tell that this is it
4) go for that test
5) feel sooooo relieved when they say that all is clear! Wow, that is a such great feeling of joy and relief in that moment!
6) The fear gets back in and there is a desperate need to test again to experience that feeling of relief and joy......
I on the contrary feel better here, reading that people have the same fears I do. I am triggered with random findings or articles or commercials.
---------- Post added at 18:29 ---------- Previous post was at 18:24 ----------
I know and I'm keeping myself somewhat controlled about this one.
I've understood that this is like some sort of addiction:
1) find a lump/a symptom
2) convince myself that a terminal illness is inevitable
3) schedule a visit or a test/scan, convinced that they will confirm your fears and tell that this is it
4) go for that test
5) feel sooooo relieved when they say that all is clear! Wow, that is a such great feeling of joy and relief in that moment!
6) The fear gets back in and there is a desperate need to test again to experience that feeling of relief and joy......
It's not an addiction though, really, it's a pattern of thought.
It's not easy, and it takes, time, effort and often professional help but you can break that pattern.
I got 2 breast ultrasounds from two respectable specialists with a week difference only to be told the same thing. :roflmao: And the best part of this is the fact that i seriously consider having another one in a month :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: Somebody stop me please.
I presume you paid? I presume also that you didn't tell the 2nd specialist about having the 1st ultrasound?
I presume you paid? I presume also that you didn't tell the 2nd specialist about having the 1st ultrasound?
I paid. But I did tell the second one -because second one was my gynecologist who is also an ultrasound specialist - she said that the first one who performed ultrasound was a very knowledgeable specialists especially in breasts, and then did another ultrasound herself just for my peace of mind - to show that there was nothing to worry about i am pregnant and she does not know about my HA.
It's not the same for everyone, but therapy has also made me realise "Health Anxiety" isn't what I have, I have Generalised Anxiety that often focuses on health. The breaks in between were when my anxiety latched on to something else non-health-related, sometimes without me even noticing.
It takes quite a lot of rewiring of your brain and untraining of bad habits, and if you're not already I would certainly recommend seeking CBT, or other help a professional thinks suitable for you.
Yes, I have also wondered about this. My worries have mostly focused around my health but I have also suffered from panic attacks and anxiety connected with driving. Over the years I have struggled with new places and situations making me anxious too.
I am seeing a therapist now who does CBT along with other methods of counselling. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time but put off because of the cost. I think the short courses of CBT available on the NHS will not be enough for me as I have had anxiety since childhood.
I have been on medication in the past and recently tried a different med but it didn't help me at all, so if I feel I need to I will go back onto fluoxetine which I was on many years ago. It didn't cure me but it definitely helped.
So the pattern here:
Get a thought in your head (from something daft you've done, or a physical "symptom" you have).
Panic.
"Research" the symptoms
Learn all kinds of fancy new medical terminology
Start hyperfocusing on your body, armed with the symptoms you "should" be experiencing.
Low and behold - experience the symptoms.
Freak out.
Get worse.
See a medical professional for reassurance. Get the inevitable all clear.
Feel relieved.
Start to doubt that relief.
But eventually get bored of this fear and, quite probably, move onto a new one.
Sound familiar?
Omg you are so bang on. It's the doubting disease. I've been so worried about stomach cancer for a year now. I've had three endoscopes and a barium swallow and of course the first thing I did was Google the chances of cancer being missed by these tests (very small) and then convince myself that must be the type I have. I know all of the terminology of the cancer I'm fearing.
I also agree with a previous poster about this site. Many of the posts are really not helpful or the intention of the site. I am so selective of the posts I read. I only look for posts about getting better or people's experiences. I never read the stories asking for reassurance that they don't have rabies, HIV etc
I love this so much. I had a scare, posted on here, came back to post an all clear in case it happened to someone else. I enjoy coming back to help reassure others once given an all clear, Thank God!
That was nearly two weeks ago, and yesterday I found myself doubting the doctor for the first time. He physically showed me it why it wasn’t my worst fear and yet I am doubting it right now. I think for me this time it’s because I have another routine (Total body exam for Derm, my bi-annual) appointment coming up, and it was at a routine (annual physical) appointment that it was pointed out. I’m hoping and praying they agree that it’s not sinister. I keep telling myself that a specialist looked at it and assured me it was nothing but it would take time to go away and I have to trust and believe him, he’s a professional.
As a side not to everyone who comes here looking for comfort only to find another worry, try to avoid posts that aren’t related to you. I come here and purposely look for my symptoms or I look for Health Anxiety general posts. Very helpful!
I never read the stories asking for reassurance that they don't have rabies, HIV etc
Not doing a lot of reading then eh? :winks:
Positive thoughts
I paid. But I did tell the second one -because second one was my gynecologist who is also an ultrasound specialist - she said that the first one who performed ultrasound was a very knowledgeable specialists especially in breasts, and then did another ultrasound herself just for my peace of mind - to show that there was nothing to worry about i am pregnant and she does not know about my HA.
I hope she wouldn't have done a 2nd ultrasound if she had known about your HA. You don't need private doctors enabling or indulging your HA just because you are paying to see them. I would only have tests based on clinical need otherwise there are no limits to what you could put yourself through needlessly.
---------- Post added at 20:49 ---------- Previous post was at 20:46 ----------
Omg you are so bang on. It's the doubting disease. I've been so worried about stomach cancer for a year now. I've had three endoscopes and a barium swallow and of course the first thing I did was Google the chances of cancer being missed by these tests (very small) and then convince myself that must be the type I have. I know all of the terminology of the cancer I'm fearing.
I also agree with a previous poster about this site. Many of the posts are really not helpful or the intention of the site. I am so selective of the posts I read. I only look for posts about getting better or people's experiences. I never read the stories asking for reassurance that they don't have rabies, HIV etc
Have you stopped "researching" about the rare cancer you fear though, Casey?
Sooooo familiar! except i dont trust medical professionals easily due to past experience.. And i also find that the ALS rabbit hole i am currently in is not easy to get bored off.. Because of it's uncertainty it keeps linguering...
Sooooo familiar! except i dont trust medical professionals easily due to past experience.. And i also find that the ALS rabbit hole i am currently in is not easy to get bored off.. Because of it's uncertainty it keeps linguering...
The ALS rabbit hole just shows how powerful this whole thing is because it's a super-rare disease that doesn't need to be on our radars, and 99% of the time people here are worried about symptoms that don't even match it (and the other 1% of the time they're better explained in benign ways). It's like it's a Boogeyman for vague, neurological-like symptom.
No-one said it was easy but the pattern is the same, whether you fear ALS, damaged retinas or whatever. You're worrying unduly over something you will probably never have.
Excellent post Axolotl, I hope that it helps others to see where they can make changes to help themselves
MyNameIsTerry
25-01-18, 02:34
Excellent post Axolotl, I hope that it helps others to see where they can make changes to help themselves
Agreed.
I like how you have worked on determining the real major issues rather than being consumed by one of it's satellites.
Some have HA are their major issue, some have it as a lesser theme. There are members who post about various OCD themes, for instance, but it's the OCD that needs treating underneath rather than the individual themes. Themes can be tailored for but the core issues underneath are the most important.
I guess you are in the minority on here, a GADer with some HA elements. But HA is known potential issue in GAD, it just means your behaviours differ and to be honest, that can be seen.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.