Hocd has ruined my life for years please help

[scaredgirl86]

Ive had hocd since I was 17 and now im 30 and my life has been a mess. The ocd turned into social anxiety and depression and agoraphobia. I haven’t been able five work I’m on ssi. I’ve missed out on life and now my age is making it worse. I’ve been coming on a lot of meds and been to several therapists but they haven’t helped. My new therapist is said to be good but I’m afraid to tell her about hocd I think she won’t know what it is. I’m really depressed all I ever wanted was a boyfriend and still i havent and my hocd has made me feel I won’t like being with a guy. I haven’t lived since I wasn’t 17 nobody knows what thst feeling is like. I hvent had a serious crush since then I’ve liked guys but it wasn’t never that giddy feeling like i used to have. I’m worried I’ll never have that feeling again. I spend my days trapped in my house thinking about my past and the way things used to be. My mind also is stuck on guys I used to like who treated me bad but because they remind me of better times I don’t think I’ll get over them. I’m so depressed my age is making me depressed I feel like I’m running out of time to find a husband and kids or I’ll be alone. I feel that if my therapist helps it won’t matter because I’m old an missed out on fun years. Anyone have any advice I’m so down.

[scaredgirl86]

Anyone?

[Clydesdale Epona]

Hiya x

first of all, its never too late and you haven't missed out on fun years because you can always have fun! my mum didn't have me till she was 38!

I'm really sorry to hear about your hocd, I know it can be a very crippling thing.

All I can do is reassure you that you will get that feeling towards guys back again! at the moment in your mind its just all twisted and confused from the years of intrusive thoughts and negative feelings.

I'm glad you're seeking help with a new therapist and it is defo worthwhile bringing this up as you deserve to get better and have a family and you will x

[Scaldris]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with HOCD. I had that too myself. Have your previous threapists did CBT - ERP therapy? If so, what was it about?

Never be afraid to tell your therapist about all of your thoughts. That way they can tell more easily what is the root of the problem.

You can do it. Just never ever give up. I know you can, I went though it all. And if you need a talk, I'm here to listen. :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think she will understand what HOCD is, it's pretty common. It's probably also had more focus over some other forms of intrusive thoughts because of the issues around gay conversion therapies (I know OCD UK have worked on awareness within the medical profession over here to ensure HOCD is understood as nothing connected to any of that).

I can understand how you feel about losing years and I bet there are lots of us who do. I've lost most of my thirties to my issues. Now I'm faced with probably never having kids and sometimes that is upsetting but I've learned to put it out of my mind and keep working on the anxiety itself otherwise these big things tend to hold you back.

Good luck with your new therapist. I know 30 can sound old but it's really not. It's important to look to the time now & ahead in order to gain what you can rather than dwell on what you may have lost.