hotsnowflake
24-01-18, 21:12
Hi everyone:)
I’m writing this in the hope that there might be some other people reading this having the same problem or people who will help me from the different perspective. I don't want to make this post some desperate girl cry for dating help, because I'm pretty reasonable person and it's not death serious issue right now, but I would like to avoid hurting somebody's feelings as anxiety is something I know a little bit about, but I've been never struggling with it myself, so I feel like on a quicksand here.
Sorry for my english but I'm european and it's my second language:)
I'm visiting States for few months and I went on a Tinder date with a guy. I wasn't expecting much of it obviously as I'm here for a limited time only, but...with the guy I've met it was like a perfect date. I've dated a lot of guys in my life and I've been in few serious relationships, but I don't remeber feeling that good with anybody for last few years. Like happy, listened to, cared for, understood and genuinely interested in him as this really great person.
He's smart, funny, kind, attractive guy, maybe a little bit shy or not that super confident, but really seemed outgoing and even liked by strangers. And true gentelman. He enjoyed our time equally I think, took me to a lot of nice places, dinner, drinks, museum, walk in a park, we even went to a party together. He had plans for all of it all the time. It was great. Chemistry was also really strong.
I don't sleep with strangers at all and one time stands are not my thing, but as I'm here only for one more week I decided I wanted to do this with him finally.
Everything was great but I think what he's got was performance anxiety. I'm a little bit older than him and I think I'm this super hot older girl in his eyes. He was embarassed and explained himself that he really wanted to "blow my mind". I understood everything, told him I don't care, that I like him and I like just even kissing and cuddling with him, that it's enough right now and I asked him not to care about it at all. I really think that. We listened to music, laughed a lot and we were making out after too. Really sweet. He said a lot of nice things and compliments to me, not about my body, but also about my mind and personality.
I offered that he can stay for the night, but he said that "as much as he would love to, he needs to go home and prepare for work tomorrow". I thought he needed some space as that kind of stuff could be hard for any man but I felt a little bit "left".
Next day he texted me that he is thankful for the lovely evening and is looking forward to seeing me again. I said I have one week left in here :) Before that night I was sure he wanted to see me as much as possible before my leave.
And then suddenly he said that he has a lot of work during the weekday and that we can meet on saturday (2 days before my leave). I felt weird about that change in his attitude and assumed classic men stuff - that now that he's got what he wanted he lost his interest. But then he send a bunch of stuff that he would really want to see me and that he'll see how soon he can deal with that stuff at work etc.
Before I could even reply, he sent me long message that he wants to be honest with me that we've met in such a time in his life that he struggels with a lot of stress and anxiety about everything and he needs few days for himself to relax and be able to function normally and then meet me again before I leave. And that he hopes that I would like to see him after knowing all that.
And that's when I did the wrong thing I think. I assumed that his whole message is just a bunch of excuses and that he doesn't want to see me anymore but is too polite to say that. I couldn't see anything else and my judgement was clouded with my hurt ego. That's why I texted him that we had perfect dates and we can end this thing now.
He's response to that was that he agreed and said that he hopes the next time I'm here he will be in better place and we could see each other.
My question is...is anxiety really an excuse to not see someone you like? You know all that stupid internet quotes "If he really likes you he'll find time for you" but you know...It's beyond regular stuff - I mean mental condition.
Why would he decide to tell me that since that was hard for him and he could easily continue to lie about work or something else?
I feel like I want to text him and say that I feel bad that when he opened up about his state my ego got the better of me. And that I'm sorry that he's going through this and that I hope he feels better now. Just that, Nothing pushy because I want him to feel better and I don't want him to think that he can't say about it to people he likes. After few drinks he shared once that he haven't been in any relationship and with anybody for 2 years. But I don't want to be pathetic one too.
That's it, sorry for a long text and I'm hoping for a good advice. Not for my well being only, but for his too. :welcome:
I’m writing this in the hope that there might be some other people reading this having the same problem or people who will help me from the different perspective. I don't want to make this post some desperate girl cry for dating help, because I'm pretty reasonable person and it's not death serious issue right now, but I would like to avoid hurting somebody's feelings as anxiety is something I know a little bit about, but I've been never struggling with it myself, so I feel like on a quicksand here.
Sorry for my english but I'm european and it's my second language:)
I'm visiting States for few months and I went on a Tinder date with a guy. I wasn't expecting much of it obviously as I'm here for a limited time only, but...with the guy I've met it was like a perfect date. I've dated a lot of guys in my life and I've been in few serious relationships, but I don't remeber feeling that good with anybody for last few years. Like happy, listened to, cared for, understood and genuinely interested in him as this really great person.
He's smart, funny, kind, attractive guy, maybe a little bit shy or not that super confident, but really seemed outgoing and even liked by strangers. And true gentelman. He enjoyed our time equally I think, took me to a lot of nice places, dinner, drinks, museum, walk in a park, we even went to a party together. He had plans for all of it all the time. It was great. Chemistry was also really strong.
I don't sleep with strangers at all and one time stands are not my thing, but as I'm here only for one more week I decided I wanted to do this with him finally.
Everything was great but I think what he's got was performance anxiety. I'm a little bit older than him and I think I'm this super hot older girl in his eyes. He was embarassed and explained himself that he really wanted to "blow my mind". I understood everything, told him I don't care, that I like him and I like just even kissing and cuddling with him, that it's enough right now and I asked him not to care about it at all. I really think that. We listened to music, laughed a lot and we were making out after too. Really sweet. He said a lot of nice things and compliments to me, not about my body, but also about my mind and personality.
I offered that he can stay for the night, but he said that "as much as he would love to, he needs to go home and prepare for work tomorrow". I thought he needed some space as that kind of stuff could be hard for any man but I felt a little bit "left".
Next day he texted me that he is thankful for the lovely evening and is looking forward to seeing me again. I said I have one week left in here :) Before that night I was sure he wanted to see me as much as possible before my leave.
And then suddenly he said that he has a lot of work during the weekday and that we can meet on saturday (2 days before my leave). I felt weird about that change in his attitude and assumed classic men stuff - that now that he's got what he wanted he lost his interest. But then he send a bunch of stuff that he would really want to see me and that he'll see how soon he can deal with that stuff at work etc.
Before I could even reply, he sent me long message that he wants to be honest with me that we've met in such a time in his life that he struggels with a lot of stress and anxiety about everything and he needs few days for himself to relax and be able to function normally and then meet me again before I leave. And that he hopes that I would like to see him after knowing all that.
And that's when I did the wrong thing I think. I assumed that his whole message is just a bunch of excuses and that he doesn't want to see me anymore but is too polite to say that. I couldn't see anything else and my judgement was clouded with my hurt ego. That's why I texted him that we had perfect dates and we can end this thing now.
He's response to that was that he agreed and said that he hopes the next time I'm here he will be in better place and we could see each other.
My question is...is anxiety really an excuse to not see someone you like? You know all that stupid internet quotes "If he really likes you he'll find time for you" but you know...It's beyond regular stuff - I mean mental condition.
Why would he decide to tell me that since that was hard for him and he could easily continue to lie about work or something else?
I feel like I want to text him and say that I feel bad that when he opened up about his state my ego got the better of me. And that I'm sorry that he's going through this and that I hope he feels better now. Just that, Nothing pushy because I want him to feel better and I don't want him to think that he can't say about it to people he likes. After few drinks he shared once that he haven't been in any relationship and with anybody for 2 years. But I don't want to be pathetic one too.
That's it, sorry for a long text and I'm hoping for a good advice. Not for my well being only, but for his too. :welcome: