View Full Version : Visual disturbance has tipped me over the edge
Since noticing this visual disturbance (big dark circle in right eye field of vision) my anxiety has reached the point where I can't eat and just want to sleep. I am barely functioning.
I had my eyes dilated last week and nothing was found, but it was only an optometrist, not an ophthalmologist. This circle thing is huge and I can't stop checking for it. All day, I keep standing by the white walls in my kitchen and bathrooms and blinking and looking around like a mad woman. I have made myself very ill through not eating and worrying and I really don't know how this will end.
tryingtosurvive1
26-01-18, 07:14
Please take care of your basic needs first. Eat something and try to sleep.
I'm sorry to hear this Melfish, I was wondering how things were going for you. Was this 'large black circle' there before your optometrist visit?
BY 'huge' do you mean that it is blocking off a good amount of your field of vision ? I know that you did have some checks needed for valid medical reasons of your eyes, so maybe its time to return and explain this thing you are seeing (on white surfaces and in bright light), it could just be a natural large floater though, eye debris casting a shadow on your retina.
You say that the circle is huge but you are constantly checking to see if it is there? Can you at least speak to the optometrist and say how anxious you are and how this has affected you to the point you can't function? Maybe this is the culmination of all your weeks of relentless anxiety? Please don't suffer alone-please speak to the optometrist and if he/she fobs you off you really need to access medical help because you sound in extreme mental distress:hugs:
Hi there, I'm sorry you feel so bad, I know how you feel though, was feeling like this myself a few days ago, managed to reach a state of functioning now after a second doctors trip who managed to convince me she's not worried about my issue.
Anyway I've had many eye disturbance issues. Once when I was in work one of my eyes was basically blind and I had this fuzzy shape in it, kind of like when you rub your eyes and get fireworks. Needless to say had a full on panic attack and took myself to a+e. They had a good look at my eye and said it was likely a visual migraine. I didn't have a headache but apparently you don't need one to have a visual migraine. I've also had really prominent floaters that I really notice on some days and not others, and I get what look like worms swimming around the tops of my eyes randomly too.
From what i know eyes are really affected by anxiety because your nervous system is going crazy. I've honestly had so many weird things but have all turned out to be okay, so I hope that helps in some way xx
Yes, it was there before the second optometrist visit. That's why I went, this big black circle.
Is an optometrist qualified enough to notice serious eye problems? He did have a good poke around in there. I am afraid he may have missed something but he didn't refer me on :shrug:
Pulisa, the reason I say I keep checking is that the circle is in my peripheral vision, not central. I don't really see it when I read. If I am up close to a wall, it's like tennis-ball sized. If I stand all the way back, it's ENORMOUS. So it's relative to my whole visual field.
---------- Post added at 13:29 ---------- Previous post was at 13:05 ----------
If I could trust that it's nothing sight-threatening, then maybe I could learn to tune it out.
Are optometrists qualified though?
"Are optometrists qualified?"
Quit being lazy.
Huh?
I mean qualified to check for retinal tears etc. I know they are qualified to refract
Yes they are melfish. When they look in your eyes they can see as much as an ophthalmologist. They don’t usually have the equipment to take the scans etc though and they can’t perform surgical procedures on your eyes. But you don’t need scans etc because the optometrist has told you he can’t see anything.
Thanks, swajj.
My problem is - well, one of them - is that I don't know if this thing has been there for a while and I only just noticed it - or whether it's new. After I found out I was a glaucoma suspect, I got really obsessed with my vision. So I was checking things with one eye closed against a wall, etc, too see what I could see, and that's when I noticed it.
Since then, I've been reacting with fear to it and probably training my brain to notice it all the time. If it's been there for ages, well, maybe I can make it unconscious again??
So I was checking things with one eye closed against a wall, etc, too see what I could see, and that's when I noticed it.
Mel, do you recognize the total irrationality of that behavior? Other than a HA sufferer, who does this? :huh:
Positive thoughts
I wish I never had, because maybe I would have stayed oblivious to it, at least for a short while :weep:
Now it's all I see/think about. That and the tongue. I sound flippant, but it's MISERABLE. I have lied in bed until after midday for the better part of the past week, and have lost 15 pounds
I wish I never had, because maybe I would have stayed oblivious to it, at least for a short while :weep:
Now it's all I see/think about. That and the tongue. I sound flippant, but it's MISERABLE. I have lied in bed until after midday for the better part of the past week, and have lost 15 pounds
The saddest thing is that you don't have anything physically wrong and this is self inflicted. Hope you feel better soon.
Positive thoughts
How self-inflicted?
By initiating (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=205986) and continuing (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=209637) behaviors (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=206194) that are keeping you in the spiral of fear and anxiety.
Positive thoughts
By initiating (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=205986) and continuing (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=209637) behaviors (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=206194) that are keeping you in the spiral of fear and anxiety.
Positive thoughts
:blush:
Mel, come take care of me. I have bronchitis:(
Mel, come take care of me. I have bronchitis:(
Oh no :( That's one thing I probably am not going to get, as I have turned into a recluse, lol
Yeah, well, put your time to good use and be my nurse :p
What, take a break from my utter self-absorption?! Are you kidding me?
MyNameIsTerry
28-01-18, 02:05
I wish I never had, because maybe I would have stayed oblivious to it, at least for a short while :weep:
Now it's all I see/think about. That and the tongue. I sound flippant, but it's MISERABLE. I have lied in bed until after midday for the better part of the past week, and have lost 15 pounds
It's going to be body water, mel. Weight takes ages to shift without a very serious cause (which you know is not the reason, I'm just making the point about the difference with someone very very ill if you know what I mean?) just as the yo-yo dieters tend to find.
This won't be helping you. I know it's crippling, I remember it well. But please try to keep at least drinking and rehydrating yourself, if you don't it's a false economy because it will only make you more depressed & anxious. As advice goes, small & often with meals is best, just like if you had had a stomach bug.
Loss of body salts will make you feel worse too.
Your body needs to make those brain chemicals, without the precursors from your food you only add to matters.
I hope you feel some relief soon. :hugs:
It's going to be body water, mel. Weight takes ages to shift without a very serious cause (which you know is not the reason, I'm just making the point about the difference with someone very very ill if you know what I mean?) just as the yo-yo dieters tend to find.
This won't be helping you. I know it's crippling, I remember it well. But please try to keep at least drinking and rehydrating yourself, if you don't it's a false economy because it will only make you more depressed & anxious. As advice goes, small & often with meals is best, just like if you had had a stomach bug.
Loss of body salts will make you feel worse too.
Your body needs to make those brain chemicals, without the precursors from your food you only add to matters.
I hope you feel some relief soon. :hugs:
Thanks, Terry. You're a sweetheart x
tryingtosurvive1
28-01-18, 05:33
Your anxiety is making you more isolated and miserable than people with physical conditions. It *is* your chronic condition. I wish you could see that.
By initiating (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=205986) and continuing (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=209637) behaviors (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=206194) that are keeping you in the spiral of fear and anxiety.
Positive thoughts
I know this is tough talking but FMP is dead right here because you ARE doing this to yourself. Unless you recognise this you will continue to go downhill in terms of your mental health. You have to address your escalating HA which is the real problem here. Why don't you?
You are talking about a normal blind spot. We all have them in our peripheral vision. You just now have actually started to notice and pay attention to it. That’s why it seems new. It’s usually not something anyone pays attention to. If it were a true visual disturbance it would be blocking a large part of your vision, not something you have to use a white wall while focusing just right to see. The optometrist is more than qualified to diagnose things like that if something were wrong. This is a sign that your HA is spiraling, not that you have any serious physical condition.
You are talking about a normal blind spot. We all have them in our peripheral vision. You just now have actually started to notice and pay attention to it. That’s why it seems new. It’s usually not something anyone pays attention to. If it were a true visual disturbance it would be blocking a large part of your vision, not something you have to use a white wall while focusing just right to see. The optometrist is more than qualified to diagnose things like that if something were wrong. This is a sign that your HA is spiraling, not that you have any serious physical condition.
I wish it were that. It's on the opposite side though. The fact that it's perfectly round makes me wonder though. It doesn't block my vision because it's peripheral but it's very large
You always have an answer to refute any explanations as to how your HA is influencing your perception of your symptoms. I don't know why you are posting on here really because you can't be getting much benefit from NMP?
She’s deep in the anxiety fog, Lisa. She’s the smartest person I know on here who won’t go get help.
Guys, I get that I have an anxiety problem. But these unexplained medical problems are getting me the hell down. I'm not scared of a vanishingly rare brain-eating amoeba or being bitten by an imaginary bat, so I can't even relate to 99% of posts on this board. Which makes me think, is this even HA? I mean, there's a huge-ass dark orb in my vision. That would give even a normie anxiety
Right, but a normal person would’ve gone in and gotten that ALS crap ruled out before waiting 6+ months. A normal person would accept that the optometrist says the orb is nothing...or at least get a second opinion and be done with it. Your life has basically stopped. You’ve turned into a hermit. Your anxiety is clearly affecting your quality of life.
So why did you get a clean bill of optic health from the optometrist? Conspiracy theory? Bad day at the office? Bogus optometrist?
---------- Post added at 19:32 ---------- Previous post was at 19:27 ----------
You're not scared of getting a diagnosis for "Raynaud's" or some weird benign syndrome from assorted medical professionals but it's almost as if you are comfortable posting your "neurological" symptoms on here and batting off responses with shrugs etc. If the B word was ruled out by a neuro I wonder how you would react.
That's a tad harsh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Also, I just don't feel like talk therapy helps me. It's stating the bleeding obvious, but if I can't fully accept it, what's the point?
---------- Post added at 13:24 ---------- Previous post was at 13:10 ----------
So why did you get a clean bill of optic health from the optometrist? Conspiracy theory? Bad day at the office? Bogus optometrist?.
I didn't get a clean bill of optic health. I have high pressures, asymmetric optic nerves, and cupping. I am going back for further testing re glaucoma
Guys, I get that I have an anxiety problem. But these unexplained medical problems are getting me the hell down. I'm not scared of a vanishingly rare brain-eating amoeba or being bitten by an imaginary bat, so I can't even relate to 99% of posts on this board. Which makes me think, is this even HA? I mean, there's a huge-ass dark orb in my vision. That would give even a normie anxiety
But you only found it because you were staring at a white wall with one eye open. A "normie" wouldn't have done that. I often read your posts melfish and I think you struggle to accept you have a health anxiety problem. You can see the rest of us do, but less so you. That is your blind spot. Not some orb in your peripheral vision.
Dx
But you only found it because you were staring at a white wall with one eye open. A "normie" wouldn't have done that. I often read your posts melfish and I think you struggle to accept you have a health anxiety problem. You can see the rest of us do, but less so you. That is your blind spot. Not some orb in your peripheral vision.
Dx
The blind spot is on the temporal side. This is nasal.
The blind spot is on the temporal side. This is nasal.
No I mean blind spot in the metaphorical sense! You are blind to the fact that you are not so different from those of us who fear being bitten by invisible bats
No I mean blind spot in the metaphorical sense! You are blind to the fact that you are not so different from those of us who fear being bitten by invisible bats
Oh, lol, my bad
We’re harsh cause we care, Mel. We don’t like to see an intelligent person wrapped up in this crap, losing out, because of anxiety. Many of us have been there with our own anxiety battles, whether they were HA or not.
There are more kinds of therapy than talk therapy, and you are intelligent enough on your own to read some self help books and do the steps if you wanted to...
But I know you’re wrapped in the fog, and you know you’re wrapped in the fog...you’ve admitted that you are several times. You aren’t ready to accept that you have anxiety.
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I didn't get a clean bill of optic health. I have high pressures, asymmetric optic nerves, and cupping. I am going back for further testing re glaucoma[/QUOTE]
Can I ask melfish: is glaucoma what you fear in this case?
Well, obviously it's not a good thing to have, but this visual disturbance is unrelated to it (glaucoma causes negative/blank areas in vision, not positive visual disturbances. That's more in line with a retinal problem, but optometrist couldn't see any tears, detachments, bleeds etc. So, yeah, I fear the visual disturbance more than the "glaucoma suspect" label
What do you fear is wrong? Why is it it so upsetting to you?hh
Well, it's an anomaly and I don't like anomalies. It's large and distracting and I am constantly aware of it. Mainly, it's annoying at this point, but I worry it will be get worse and move into my central vision or that is the first symptom of a serious eye disease.
MyNameIsTerry
29-01-18, 01:51
Talk therapy isn't just about logically assessing your view of symptoms. It can be about changing to incorporate healthy activities, correcting negative behaviour ls that covertly reinforce obsessions, relaxation work, meditation, many things.
Not everything is about the direct route of challenging the symptoms, it's more about challenging the underlying thought processes, changing core beliefs, etc.
Hi Mel,
Did the optometrist actually give you an explanation of what it could be ? The thing is you went with this problem concerning you, and must have discussed it with them, and what you could 'see'.
They then checked your eyes, and said they saw nothing wrong. During all of this, after 'nothing was wrong' did you ask about it again and say 'but what could cause it?'
Hi Mel,
Did the optometrist actually give you an explanation of what it could be ? The thing is you went with this problem concerning you, and must have discussed it with them, and what you could 'see'.
They then checked your eyes, and said they saw nothing wrong. During all of this, after 'nothing was wrong' did you ask about it again and say 'but what could cause it?'
Hiya Carys. Yes, I did ask, after he'd finished the retinal exam. I said, so you can't see anything wrong with my retina? And he said no. I asked if it could be something outside the eye, in the orbit, pushing again my eye, and he scoffed at that. So no, he didn't offer an explanation, which is partly why I can't let it go. I think I need to make an appointment with an ophthalmologist. They are actual surgeons who deal with eye disease whereas optometrists are more for refracting and monitoring. Though you'd think either would be able to see a detachment, a tear of the peripheral retina could escape both if they don't do scleral depression (which I've had done before and it is most unpleasant!)
My husband told me this morning that I had been grinding my teeth at night, so I do wonder if that could be playing a part
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with opticians knowledge of the eye. Remember, it’s not only a detailed look at your retina they get, they also measure intraoccular pressure and test your visual fields.
The combined results of your visual acuity, field testing, intraoccular pressure and of course fundus examination are all combined to determine if there is any problem with your eyes.
Anomalies like this can just happen. It can sometimes be caused by a small blister of fluid under the retina that causes a temporary and slight detachment of the retina. It is utterly harmless to your eyesight and resolved completely after about 3-6 months.
An optician may have a harder time seeing something like that. Guess what the most common contributor to that particular eye problem is? Yip, stress.
I’m not saying this is what you have, but I can assure you that anything serious and problematic enough would easily have been picked up by the optometrist.
Thanks, Gary.
I double-checked with the optometrist and he said no tears and my retina looked OK. I didn't have a VF test done, and my pressures were high, but that's being monitored
---------- Post added at 16:36 ---------- Previous post was at 14:13 ----------
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with opticians knowledge of the eye. Remember, it’s not only a detailed look at your retina they get, they also measure intraoccular pressure and test your visual fields.
The combined results of your visual acuity, field testing, intraoccular pressure and of course fundus examination are all combined to determine if there is any problem with your eyes.
Anomalies like this can just happen. It can sometimes be caused by a small blister of fluid under the retina that causes a temporary and slight detachment of the retina. It is utterly harmless to your eyesight and resolved completely after about 3-6 months.
An optician may have a harder time seeing something like that. Guess what the most common contributor to that particular eye problem is? Yip, stress.
I’m not saying this is what you have, but I can assure you that anything serious and problematic enough would easily have been picked up by the optometrist.
You mean CSR? I thought about that, but it's so peripheral, so would be unusual presentation. I reckon he would have picked that up? I have an OCT scheduled for next month, in any case
I've had this!! IT was nothing, it was actually anxiety that created it as I 'thought' I saw a darker patch and then I kept on seeing it all the time, when I forgot about it and distracted myself I didn't see it...... ;)
Well, that's encouraging :)
My spot is in the exact same position all the time, and completely reproducible, so I know it's not anything I'm imagining. It's very clear. AND BIG. Hopefully once I chill out a little, it may dissipate. Otherwise I will have to learn to live with it
I'm gonna take a guess here and assume you dont spend much time worrying about bulbar these days?
tryingtosurvive1
31-01-18, 03:55
Josh I fear she is worrying about both!
No different to most others here.
I understand your anxiety about your eyes Mel. Of all the health issues I thought I had (and ALS was one of them) my eyesight issues were the scariest for me. I think I have talked here before about my visits to my optometrist and how often I was there. My optometrist assured me everytime that my eyes were healthy but I doubted him everytime. Mainly because I would notice things about my vision all the time. Eventually I went to an ophthalmologist and when he assured me that my eyes were healthy I accepted it. I still go once a year to see him because I worry if I don’t I might start noticing things about my vision again and it might lead to another journey on the HA bus. It turned out that the optometrist was right about my eyes being healthy. But I needed the expert to confirm that. So I’ll go against the advice I would normally give and say go see the ophthalmologist because you might need to hear it from the expert. There’s nothing wrong with your eyes Mel.
Yes. I agree with swajj provided that you are mentally able to accept a diagnosis from an expert which counters your own self-diagnosis. Pointless to post your perceived symptoms on here when you have already made your mind up what you have.
I can see where she is coming from i am havin serious fuzzy vision in both eyes and i have had them checked retina specialists cornea specialists emergency eye doctors and they cant find anything wrong but there is something deffo happening!!
A little update. I am being referred to a glaucoma specialist due to narrowed angles, high IOP, and optic nerve head asymmetry. None of these things explains my visual disturbance, but hopefully I will get answers from the ophthalmologist. As a side note: I can't take SSRIs until the specialist tests whether my narrow angles are also occludable. It's going to a rough wait, lol
What are your ALS worries doing at the moment?
Spent three hours trying to get meds yesterday, to help me through this. GP was hopeless :weep:
Why can't you have them?
They actually may help
I can't take SSRIs until the glaucoma specialist examines me as I have narrowed angles (acute closed-angle glaucoma can be caused by pupil dilation). Still waiting on an appointment. Can't take the propanol she prescribed because I already have low BP and eye doc is worried is dipping even further overnight. A beta-blocker will make that even worse. She also prescribed Buspar but I've had an acute dystonic reaction to D2 antagonists before and ended up in the ER having to be injected with anti-Parkinson's meds. Pharmacist said he can't rule out that happening again, as I am obviously susceptible/sensitive to drugs that act on dopamine.
Phew. I think that's it
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Oh, and she wouldn't prescribe a benzo "even though it would fix you right up" because she hasn't seen me before and I could be drug chaser :/
Oh all that sucks. But perhaps a positive step that you are considering medication? Or did I invent that you were previously reluctant?
No, not reluctant. Just anticipating this kind of situation. It blows, because my anxiety is really, really bad and I can't get any relief. Tempted to go buy a gallon of wine :(
No don't do that!
What about getting super crazy fit? I've entered a marathon and a triathlon for this summer. I am naturally very lazy but find that exercise is a wonderful medicine
Hi
Did you have a visual field test?
xxx
Hi
Did you have a visual field test?
xxx
Not yet. I was scheduled for one along with an OCT with the optometrist. But now that he's referred me on, will have to wait until mid March with the specialist
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No don't do that!
What about getting super crazy fit? I've entered a marathon and a triathlon for this summer. I am naturally very lazy but find that exercise is a wonderful medicine
Yes! That's what I've done in the past. I have a proper home gym with a treadmill and power rack and all manner of stuff. So it wouldn't even interfere with my agoraphobia. Right now, I'm struggling to even take a shower tho
Put a radio on the bathroom counter when you take a shower...it makes the isolation/being alone with thoughts easier.
Put a radio on the bathroom counter when you take a shower...it makes the isolation/being alone with thoughts easier.
I have a little transistor radio in my bathroom. I am old school like that. I have totally forgotten about turning in on though ...
Do it. You need tips on staying sane when you have bat-shit-crazy off-the-rails anxiety? I'm your gal.
Heh, it's totally off the rails. Give me depression any day. I'd much rather be sad and lethargic and eating all the things than climbing the walls trying to get out of my own skin
Yeah, they each have their pros and cons. I find the depression lasts longer than the anxiety.
It's garbage. I hate it :(
You would need to be very careful taking SSRIs anyway with constant agitation/ "caged lion" syndrome (I made that one up!). I reckon a short course of benzos would help take the edge off and I can't see why your GP would be reluctant to prescribe?
Has anyone ever heard of being able to see what looks like cells moving in there vision???not floaters but thousands of tiny black dots that are constantly there?im getting scared now
Has anyone ever heard of being able to see what looks like cells moving in there vision???not floaters but thousands of tiny black dots that are constantly there?im getting scared now
This isn't dr Google I promise. I worried about the very same things, and here is the explanation:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_field_entoptic_phenomenon
This isn't dr Google I promise. I worried about the very same things, and here is the explanation:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_field_entoptic_phenomenon
Hi mine is not like that it is literally like thousands of tiny dots in both eyes which are constantly there and they are moving very slowly.also it looks like its raining in doors the vision is flickering alot.
I think that is what mine is like too. They are blood cells.
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Melfish so sorry you are having a super tough time at the moment. It really is the pits.
How about small steps? Tiny things each day? Today: a shower and ten minutes on the treadmill? It might help.
I totally know the feeling of climbing the walls trying to escape your own skin. I sometimes - I'm sure erroneously- wish I had "plain old depresssion".
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