Anxiety and the value of sex

[Panic654]

Hi everyone, this is my first post.
I am a woman almost 32yo and i've been having some sort of early mid-life crisis for a few years now.
I'm very concerned about my sex life as I don't view relationships and sex like most people do and I'm confused about what's right or wrong.

Over the past decade i had meaningful, fulfilling relationships that lasted 2-3,5 years each.
They all started with me meeting someone, falling in love and agreeing to a relationship about 2 months into seeing them.
The problem is however that i never liked the term 'relationship' and i came to find quite early that being in one suffocates me after a while.
Even though i was all for it in the beginning, I always found myself losing interest in someone about 1 year in and then I regretted 'falling for the puppy eyes' and agreeing to a relationship again and again and again.
What i wanted was to keep things casual, uncertain and sexy, being single but also having sex with the guy i like, as i find the promise of monogamy makes others take me for granted and i definitely take them for granted too and things get stale and sex gets less and less interesting.

When i lost sexual interest in a boyfriend i thought it was because they got too comfortable and started neglecting me or being jerks so i stopped liking them.
My last boyfriend however was very nice and I respected him till the end but I had lost interest after the first year and for the remaining 2,5 years i was struggling with being unsatisfied in sex. Then one day i admitted to myself that i wasnt willing to give up sex to keep him as my partner forever, i broke up with him.

Since then I read some stuff online and I realised I like a man to be dominating in bed, which most guys are when things are casual but then they lose their edge later on.
I also found out it is common for women with anxiety to seek someone like that, and have a very high libido.

So it's all good and predictable but I can't seem to find someone to keep up with me in bed short-term, let alone long-term and i feel like a social outcast because not even the men who are interested in me can match my sexual desire.
I'm worried i'm too aggressive sexually and i push them away, worried that even if i meet someone i'll get bored of them soon and i'll never meet someone who can keep me interested long enough to be my partner,to consider getting married or settling down.
So not only i'll have to have two-year relationships all my life but it's going to be more and more challenging to find anyone even for that the more i get old.

My biggest problem however is that i'm not sexually satisfied currently (as i cant seem to find any partner) and it causes me incredible distress. Right now i'm having a good week but my hormones jump around during my cycle and the more I want to have sex the lonelier and more desperate i feel.

There are online articles that discourage me from 'feeding' my desire and suggest getting distracted with things like work, exercise etc.
But I don't want to live my life without sex, even alone. I find it depressing as a thought.

Do I value sex too much or is it normal to consider it so important in my life?

If there is anyone with similar experience please share, i feel like the only person in the world who feels like this.

[WiseMonkey]

Hi,

Lots of people (both men and women) are driven by their hormones, especially young ones but not exclusively the young!

I guess it depend what you're looking for, something casual or a long term relationship, maybe marriage and children.

In my experience, highly charged sexual relationships don't stand the test of time, because sex is the main and often only feature that binds the couple together. Eventually it breaks down. This is not a mature, intimate, lasting relationship.

If you're just looking for casual, then go for it, have fun, keep it light but it will be pretty superficial and don't expect it to last.

For a successful, long term relationship there have to be other important core values common to both partners. Sex is but one of them, but what happens if one partner gets sick and sex is off the table for a length of time? What about caring, love and commitment?

A loving partnership is about mutual sharing, giving as well as receiving. It's about being selfless and not selfish.

I don't know how old you are but you sound young. Maybe it's time to rethink what you want from a relationship if indeed that's what you desire. Counselling is another avenue you could explore :)

[Panic654]

Thank you for your time WiseMonkey.
I'm not driven by my hormones, i have a consistently high sex drive since forever. I have forged meaningful and wonderful relationships but the aforementioned sex drive doesnt remain satisfied for long and i want to break up and try elsewhere.
The hormones contribution is that i get a spike in libido and since i'm alone i feel bad and lonely and depressed.
I do want a relationship but noone so far withstood the test of time, either our personalities wouldnt match or our libidos.
If i have a long term partner chances are they will want to be monogamous and since I lose interest, i would basically have to give up enjoying sex for as long as i'm with them.
It's a particularly stressful situation and the worst part of it is that noone understands me. Most people can't begin to comprehend what i mean when i say i'm not satisfied, as i cant comprehend how they can be satisfied in relationships without any spark left.

I thought it was because each of my past boyfriends was wrong for me, or youth, but i couldnt figure out why i was so unhappy when other people found someone to make them feel right.

Anxiety&high sex drive explains a lot but i still feel like i'm the only one who has this problem?