High anxiety

[Jan A]

I had a panic attack about 3 years ago, with the help of citalopram - 10mg a day I settled down into a near normal life. I weened myself off the tablets about 6 months ago, and although I have a a few very small anxious moments have managed to distract myself. Last week we were abroad on holiday when for no reason at all I began to worry that I might have a panic attack - I could feel the adrenalin rising from my stomach I could feel myself starting to shake I was terrified. The next night we went back to the same resaturant and the same thing happend again after that I refused to go back to the resturant. The next episode was on the plane home I started thinking again what if and sure enough that awful feeling began to rise again. I posted on here asking for some advice of books that may be available and Claire weeks was recommended. I have started to read and realised that only myself can make myself right again, This morning I have pushed myself the get the bus into town. I felt shaky but kept thinking to myself stay calm you are ok - I felt like getting off the bus and walking home but I didnt. I feel annoyed with myself for allowing my mind to play these games with me. I have had one really bad panic attack three years ago the rest of the time it is palpatations, slight blur vision, dizzyness etc - it is the symptoms that I am getting myself in a stew over it is so frightning. I dont want to start taking the tablets again as all they do is postpone what I need to do. It all sounds so easy but it isnt. I am worry myself that I am going to be a nervous wreck when I go abroud again in 8 weeks (to the same place). The most upsetting thing is that until last week I have been just about ok. I know that in the past I have had alot to deal - I nursed my little boy through 6 years of cancer before he finally lost the battle, when I was a child I had a very strict upbringing and can never remember being told that I was loved although I know I was. I felt that what ever I did wasnt good enough. It is only in recent months that I have tried to break loose from the hold my parents have on me. They never seem to be able to look on the good side of things always negative - which after years of practice has rubbed off onto me. I now let what they say go straight over my head as I dont want to be brought down anymore. I know this isnt in my imagination as my sister has realised how negative they are towards her as well. Reading this it sounds as though I am a teenager still living at home with my parents this is not the case. I am in my 40s and have been married for 15 years. The main thought for the last week has been what if I have another panic attack - why?

Jane

[groovygranny]

Hello Jane

I feel for you love. I too have only recently managed to break the hold my parents had over me - but for different reasons.

I took Citalporam for 6mnths before coming off and 4 months later was, funnily enough, in a restaurant with friends when an almighty tidal wave came over me. I'd come to accept that my life was going to have a certain amount of 'anx moments' but wasn't expecting a full blown pa. It was the second, and worst, I'd had since coming off the meds. The first was when we were aboraod on a well deserved holiday - I spent one whole day of the week's holiday pacing up and down the hotel room floor thinking I was never ever going to get home again - but of course, I did !

However, I did survive but was left wondering when and if the next one would come. It hasn't, yet, and hopefully it may never come but if it does I'm going to be more prepared for it than ever I was before. I have learned a lot through my 'black' episodes and by this have managed to turn the experience into a positive thought for any future action I may need to take.

You're right - it's not easy at all, it's extremely hard work, but very rewarding when you come through the other side. And you have come through an awful lot haven't you?

I'd say do your best not to fear the next panic attack - because it may never come - but if it does be resolute in 'riding the wave' so to speak until you come through the other side......which you will.

If you want to chat anytime please feel free to PM me ok?

Take care

:flowers:

[Jan A]

Thank you for your kind words, It really does help to know that I am not alone, someone else out there is going through or has been through it. I have felt really calm for the last couple of hours - I keep thinking that I managed the trip to town and managed to live through those horrible feelings, my legs keep on tensing up but I am trying to ignore it, I really appreciate your offer if I need to get in touch via pm. I must admit whilst I was typing my first post I kept thinking maybe I shouldnt be writing this for everyone to read , but I am so glad that I did

Jane

[Nibbles]

Hi Jane,

Panic attacks in places like restaurants are very common which I think is because you know it's difficult to leave. I also worry about the possibility of having another panic attack after an episode of anxiety. What I try to do is use the panic attack to my advantage. I say ok that attack caught me by surprise so I'm going to prepare for the possibility of the next one which will make it easier if it happens. By preparing what I might do is right a few positive statements down to pull out if I need to and plan a few coping strategies.

Take care,

[Jan A]

Thanks for that Mike, I am really toying with the idea of starting my medication again. This morning I was stood at the kitchen cupboard looking at the tablets but thought no I dont want to start on them again it will only postpone me having to sort myself out. My legs are tense and I just keep on thinking about the anxiety. What would you do - start the medication or try and get on without it ?

Jane

[Nibbles]

Hi Jane,

If it were me I'd explain the situation to my GP and see what he/she suggests. If the medication helps I wouldn't feel bad taking it as that's what it's there for. Rather than postponing things I think the medication could take the edge of your anxiety and help you to do things. Perhaps you could also pursue some counselling or using the No Panic phone support and combine that with the medication.

Take care,

[groovygranny]

Hello Jane

I agree with Mike entirely.

Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to resume taking Citalopram (or whatever my doc advised) if necessary.

I was always very wary of medication, and would avoid it at all costs

a) because I feared any side-effects and
b) because I felt it was defeatest

Becoming ill with anx/panic has changed my outlook on meds entirely. I now see them not as a means to 'block out' my anxiety (if and when it arises) but as an enabler to give me the respite I need to sort things out.

Counselling was also a great help to me and I would also reccommend this to you.


:hugs:

[Jan A]

Dont get me wrong I am not against medication, but would prefer not to take it if i can get away without it. while I was taking mine I felt ok with it after the initial increased anxiety, but then felt as though I was walking around like a zombie half the time that is when I decided to come off it. I felt truely great as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I finally came off them, it is really the last 10 - 14 days that I have felt really anxious again. This afternoon I have kept myself busy and have been fine then about 10 minutes ago I thought I would go onto the computer, then of course I decide to check NMP, then the thought of panic came to mind and I have started tensing up. I have read so many posts on this site and it really helps knowing that I can relate to so many people, and that I am not going mad. I know that I should really count my blessings that I do not suffer as bad as some people that I have read about.

Jane

[groovygranny]

Hi Jane,

You know I thought that maybe I was alone in feeling like that sometimes when I decide to log on to NMP! Until now I haven't mentioned it to anybody!

Perhaps it's the association in the site title - or the actual content of the site, I really don't know. (the workings of GG's brain is a mystery to many!)

Maybe it's the thought that I may not be able to give as much as the site (as in the people!) has given me, or that I may say something unhelpful or very wrong !!!!!

All this goes through my mind in about .5 of a second - then I log on and it settles down again!! Most peculiar!

I think keeping busy is the key though, with the proviso that you have the choice of whether to resume medication or not. Knowing you have a choice can be quite comforting.

Take care

:flowers:

[Jan A]

You know I think you have hit the nail on the head there with everything you have said, it is good to know we are not alone

Take care of yourself

Jane