New girlfriend

[Ryan75]

I suffer with anxiety and depression, I get benefits for these which allow me to stay at home and work on myself. I'll try keep everything brief.

I've only been in one relationship that lasted 3 years (16-19) I have avoided relationships because of my jealousy and anxiety however I have just gotten into a long distance relationship. She initially visited as a friend but I felt something I never felt before after she left and I would have felt stupid not jumping at the chance.

My issue is I will lie in bed or sleep until she is available to talk online, I feel an aching in my chest until I talk to her and I will generally avoid doing anything but when we're in person everything is fine and wonderful. If she's down I can physically comfort her.

Another thing is that I have issues with her speaking to my best friend (after he didn't want me talking to his girlfriend) and that she has a previously close friend who flew to come apologise to her after dropping her then made her feel worthless a week later and she continues to accept him (this obviously isn't my main concern though)

I don't want to be controlling and I can't physically be with her all the time currently I'm lost and going no where personally but I don't want to lose her.

[Panic654]

What's the question here?

[WiseMonkey]

Hmm...

You have identified jealousy and being controlling as two of your negative traits. You cannot control who your girlfriend talks to and why would you? She is free to talk to anyone she likes.

Your main problem is that you don't have enough normal activities in your life to keep you occupied. You are way too focused on your relationship and thank goodness it's long distance otherwise you'd be suffocating her !! You can't wrap yourself up in a relationship, there has to be other areas of interest in your life eg. work, hobbies, friends (social events with them), family activities, spiritual beliefs (if you have them), etc.

You said you receive benefits for depression and anxiety. I would think this money would be for counselling/therapy, not for lying in bed, sleeping until your g/friend chats to you. We can't 'work on ourselves' unless we know how to do that.

If you limit yourself to lying in bed, you will have nothing of interest to talk to your g/friend about and that's not healthy. Even getting outside for a walk will make you feel better. Therapy is the key then you could do some goal setting which would make for a healthier, happy you :)