EllieTipton0206
29-01-18, 15:35
My anxieties towards men have really been debilitating in the past few months and I really don't know what to do.
Due to past bad relationships, any man or group of men that are collectively taller or bigger than me make me extremely anxious. I am hyper aware of every sound they make, every move they make, and I feel like I have to literally order myself to move my legs left, right, left, right to even walk and to remind myself how to breathe. It doesn't matter that I am quite strong physically, I freeze and my only thoughts is to get out and away as fast as I can even if they are hundreds of meters away from myself.
Where this is most prominent is at work. I am a substitute teacher at the school I grew up in. I was extremely excited when I found out my favorite teacher was working there. When I was in school (a senior in high school) I'd stay after school and we'd have amazing talks about life and faith and some other things (I can't remember much, I only know the fact that we talked). But the moment he came in my vision, I lost all thought of reconnecting and being social. Every time I see him from across the school building, I have to tell myself how to walk, avoid eye contact, and pray he's not also going to the workroom. He tells me 'Hello, [first name, last name]' every time he sees me and I squeak out a salutations. I know I'm not how I was when I was younger, my anxiety and depression didn't hit me hard until college, and I feel incredibly guilty for being this way with him. He was like a second father when mine was overseas for years and I used to be so comfortable around him.
Do I tell him in that he makes me anxious, even though it's nothing about him personally? I feel like I should apologize for not being who I am and apologize for being afraid of him physically even though I have no problems with him as a person, my body is just so hyper aware and ready to take off when he's near.
Ellie T.
Due to past bad relationships, any man or group of men that are collectively taller or bigger than me make me extremely anxious. I am hyper aware of every sound they make, every move they make, and I feel like I have to literally order myself to move my legs left, right, left, right to even walk and to remind myself how to breathe. It doesn't matter that I am quite strong physically, I freeze and my only thoughts is to get out and away as fast as I can even if they are hundreds of meters away from myself.
Where this is most prominent is at work. I am a substitute teacher at the school I grew up in. I was extremely excited when I found out my favorite teacher was working there. When I was in school (a senior in high school) I'd stay after school and we'd have amazing talks about life and faith and some other things (I can't remember much, I only know the fact that we talked). But the moment he came in my vision, I lost all thought of reconnecting and being social. Every time I see him from across the school building, I have to tell myself how to walk, avoid eye contact, and pray he's not also going to the workroom. He tells me 'Hello, [first name, last name]' every time he sees me and I squeak out a salutations. I know I'm not how I was when I was younger, my anxiety and depression didn't hit me hard until college, and I feel incredibly guilty for being this way with him. He was like a second father when mine was overseas for years and I used to be so comfortable around him.
Do I tell him in that he makes me anxious, even though it's nothing about him personally? I feel like I should apologize for not being who I am and apologize for being afraid of him physically even though I have no problems with him as a person, my body is just so hyper aware and ready to take off when he's near.
Ellie T.