View Full Version : Terrified. My turn...flu
My 16 year old came home from school saying he has a cough that hurts his chest. He has a mild fever, 99.7 right now. I'm terrified. I'm so scared that he will take a huge turn for the worse in the middle of the night and I won't know. We will go to dr for tamiflu tomorrow if he has a fever. I'm also scared for myself. I've lost a ton of weight and have an immune disorder. Please help me.its 730pm here. I need a plan.
---------- Post added at 20:35 ---------- Previous post was at 19:35 ----------
I'm really scared.
Missjensen
30-01-18, 02:23
I see a lot of these flu threads With parents both worried about their children but mostly themselves. Parents that’s afraid of going outside with their children, parents wearing masks and gloves 24/7... this is very worrying behaviour for someone who should keep cool and take care of the sick children without worrying them unnecessary.
Now i understand there is a flu epidemic going on in the states, and I do not shame the anxiety around it. But I feel if your a two parents family and one is without flu anxiety, that parents should step in so the children won’t feel the tens anxiety around their flu.
First it’s not sure your child has the flu it could be a cold, the temperatures should be higher with a flu. Second there is not much you can do about it other than keeping a great hygiene and hope you don’t catch it. Third Most health people have no complications with the flu at all.
Fingers crossed, everything will be alright!
Thanks. Now i not only feel scared, I feel guilty too.
Missjensen
30-01-18, 02:53
No need for that, it’s the anxiety speaking non of us can help it. But if you do have a husband/wife talk to him/her about this and arrange for them to take the main task of this so the child can relax and get well.
I know the message sounded mean, it was not my meaning with it, I just know keep seeing flu anxiety riddled parents and think it’s important to understand how much this effect the children and therefore try to find a solution.
well they won't let me post a new thread regarding my son being sick, so, i have to add on to this one, which will seem out of context....but.
need real advice
hi
i know y'all aren't doctors, but i need some advice. not sure if i should take my son to the dr or wait.
last night he had a low grade fever, 99.8 was the highest it got. his symptoms were slight chills, and a cough, not frequent, but it hurts his chest when he coughs. of course, i thought the flu.
but this morning, he doesn't have a fever. his only symptom is that his chest hurts when he coughs.
so, i don't want to wait too long, or wait to see if he worse. but i don't want to take him to the dr, and expose him to the damn flu if he isn't that sick.
what would you do?
Firstly it doesn't sound to me like flu, if it is his temperature and symptoms would be a lot more severe. Secondly, his temperature yesterday wasn't even that high. Thirdly, he is 16 years old, and not a little child, so surely can tell you if feels terribly ill? A bit of a hurting chest from coughing is what most people get even with a cold.
NO, personally I would not be going to the doctor and risking passing it onto other people anway....over here we are advised not to go out to doctors with flu unless there are complications (we all had flu over christmas, and we don't get given tamiflu as a matter of course here, though it is probably a different matter if you have a compromised immune system). He sounds to me like whatever virus he has he is fighting it off just fine, as the body should. My daughter had a temperature of 104 degrees for three days with the flu a few weeks ago, of course you then follow the usual protocol to reduce a temperature - which worked.
I agree with missjensen; the huge majority of people have absolutely no complications at all, but you only ever hear the horror stories. It is up to you as the adult to not instill fear in your son about a normal viral bodily response.People are on here reacting to the flu and colds as if its the plague or something, it really isn't and I know why its happening as the media are triggering everyone's HA. We have the epidemic here too....and its certainly not nice to have flu (it takes ages to get over) but unless you are old, with chest problems or a compromised immune system then there's no need to be too concerned. You just need to monitor and treat in a sensible way as you would for any virus. Your situation is slightly different, and I would suggest that someone like yourself does need something to take 'just in case' or certainly some advice from the doctor.
Saying all that, I will repeat again, he doesn't even sound like he has flu! When we had it we were exhausted and just about managed to toddle to the toilet and back to bed, we couldn't eat, had high temperatures and felt absolutely dreadful.
carys, thank you for that. i guess i'm just not good with the wait and see, because i fear the what if's - what if i wait too long? etc....
i think i'll call the dr's office today and see what they say
Wait too long for what exactly ? Viruses like this run their course. Of course, make the call if you see fit, entirely your choice.
like what if he gets worse and ends up in the hospital because i didn't take him at the first sign of something wrong.
WHy would that happen ? isn't he a normal healthy 16 year old, with a good immune system? ...and he doen't even sound like he's that unwell.
How is he now anyway ?
Annaboodle
30-01-18, 13:48
what would you do?
I would treat with over the counter medicines like paracetamol or ibuprofen, plenty of fluids and rest. I would trust that if my child were 16 they can judge for themselves if they're feeling unusually bad. I would monitor temperature, but keeping in mind that a bit of a temperature with any bug is normal, as is a bit of discomfort or pain with your throat and chest.
he is the same. still hurts when he coughs. but he doesn't have a fever. i left a message for the nurse at his ped office. i hope she doesn't want him to come in.
kinda wish i hadn't called them now. guess we will see what they say when they call me back.
---------- Post added at 09:59 ---------- Previous post was at 09:49 ----------
so the nurse wants to see him because his chest hurts when he coughs. i'm feeling like i can't win. i'm exposing him to the flu at their office. and maybe he doesn't need to go. but maybe he does need to go, because she said she is concerned.
this sux
Well you are committed to it now aren't you.
Missjensen
30-01-18, 15:38
Well now your gonna get it checked out, the discussion is already taken by the doctor. So no need to overthink the situation more. And if he catch the flu, it will suck but he’ll be alright! And if you feel anxious about going with him to the doctor, make someone else’s go with him, so he doesn’t get scared.
If you go yourself, you should ask the doctor about your immune thing and if you should do anything special or if it’s fine.
Yes.as my sister put it....if the nurse said to take him then you need to even if it risk getting the flu, since pneumonia would be more dangerous than the flu.
so, the dr said no flu and no pneumonia. thinks it just cough. didnt even prescribe any meds. so now i feel like i exposed him to the flu at their office for no reason. that sux. i'm really glad it's not pneumonia though.
now i'm terrified i'm going to catch whatever it is. then of course, i will think i have the flu. which is going to terrify me. i'm going to wonder if i have the flu if i get what he has, because it's kinda mimicking the flu, just less severe. and with me a fever of just 99 sends me to bed. i'm so tired of worrying. i'm so sad because i'm scared. i feel sorry for myself. blah.
so, the dr said no flu and no pneumonia. thinks it just coughI'm not going to say 'told you so' , actually maybe I am lol Read back the replies,other people apart from me said - it didn't even sound that bad, that the symptoms were just a cold, it was a 16 year old boy with one day of a mild temperature who had a good immune system and could fight it off. You sought reassurance for a normal mild virus, which doctors can do nothing about but let run it's course. If I had gone to the doctor for every cold,a temperature and a cough my daughter had in the first 20 years of her life I'd have been there every other week. I'm not meaning this to sound critical or harsh, I just think that anyone who truly wants to deal with their health anxiety needs to accept some learning after an event like this. The learning is that you over responded to something very minor, and now will be able to recognise next time that this happens that standard virus symptoms are not to be concerned about.
Happy to carry on talking about this flu fear if you want to....
This isn't 'mimicking the flu' its just a cold....please look up some decent comparisons (use our NHS site if you don't have anything there that you think is good) about the difference between flu and colds. Has your son never had these symptoms in his whole 16 years before ???
thank carys. i get what you are saying. i guess i might have given it another day, before calling, but honestly, in my defense, this is more than just a cough. it's a weird cough. he didn't have a runny nose, or any cold symptoms really. and he wasn't really coughing much at all, yet his chest hurt...so it was a little different. the nurse is the one who told me to come in. i even told her he didn't seem bad, and maybe i should wait. she was the one who was more concerned about his chest hurting. that is what got me even more concerned. they usuallly are very conservative about bringing kids in, that's why they like to triage over the phone. so i was surprised she wanted him to, esp since his fever was only 99. so, i think the lesson i learned was that maybe i was just calling them for reassurance. hoping that they would say over the phone that it seemed like just a cold. so perhaps i shouldn't do that anymore.
i also have a hard time waiting. that's a big fear of mine. thats one reason it pisses me off that tamiflu has to be taken so early on. i feel pressured. and then i worry that if i do wait, i'll miss the tamiflu window, or it will get really bad really quick.
but, what's done is done i guess. now i just have to figure out how to live without this horrible fear.
now i just have to figure out how to live without this horrible fear.
You can start HERE. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=211324) Also, you can talk to your doctor about therapy and meds if needed. Ultimately, it's up to you. Stay the way you are or treat your anxiety.
Positive thoughts
This is where the internet can be useful though, not googling symptoms, but actually finding a reputable site that lists what to look for and be concerned about....this is pneumonia.....
When to see a doctor
See your doctor if you have difficulty breathing, chest pain, persistent fever of 102 F (39 C) or higher, or persistent cough, especially if you're coughing up pus.
It's especially important that people in these high-risk groups see a doctor:
Adults older than age 65
Children younger than age 2 with signs and symptoms
People with an underlying health condition or weakened immune system
People receiving chemotherapy or taking medication that suppresses the immune system
For some older adults and people with heart failure or chronic lung problems, pneumonia can quickly become a life-threatening condition.
__________________________________________________ ________
An 'odd cough' with no accompany other symptoms, basically no temperature and not showing signs of being REALLY ill (which he wasn't) is just an 'odd cough' and viral response. I hear what you are saying about 'not knowing when to respond and what might be too late or too early', but I think a good rule of thumb is - if you have to ask 'would you take him to the doctor?' or 'is it flu?' then the answer is probably no to both. People who have bad flu are obvious, they are really unwell, and people who are really unwell from pneumonia are really unwell, theres no questioning 'might they be really ill?'.
Did you ever play with a Ouiji board? That's kind of like what Google is to sufferers. When we played as a kids, we definitely influenced the results ;) Subconsciously, due to HA, the sufferer will always go to the worst case scenario. So if there's 100 links that say nothing, the sufferer will look until they find one that supports and feeds the dragon. Never underestimate the hunger of the dragon!
Positive thoughts
I'm not talking google, I said clearly NOT googling symptoms - put symptoms into google of course that will come up with all sorts of reasons for a cough.
I'm talking about sites like our NHS direct, that provides information and education in order to STOP people going for reassurance for simple viruses and gives advice on self/home help. I think its helpful for HA sufferers to be educated to NOT panic and seek reassurance, by understanding that symptoms they talk about are minor and usual. On our NHS site, it actually says 'when to see your doctor' under something like flu, and lists times when you should. Therefore it is quite clear, and not really subjective, and would save cofo from making calls or jumping to conclusions.
Cofo's problem is that she doesn't recognise if something is just a standard virus or something serious. Her son fits NONE of the factors relating to pneumonia, therefore he doesn't have pneumonia.
ok, i have downloaded the modules and read through the first one. thanks for that.
as for what carys is saying, i did do that. I NEVER google symptoms anymore....i honestly think that the internet is why i have so much anxiety; from googling years ago. so, i usually will ask my sisters to check things for me. i do find that even if i go to a website like you are saying, i get a little panicked. then if i read something like what to look for, i may actually give myself that symptom, so i don't usually do that. this time, for my son, i had my husband read the signs and symtoms and when to see the dr. also, my sister sent me this really good thing about cold, flu or pneumonia. it was informative without making me panic. however, my sister, the nurse and my husband all said take him to the dr.
i think it's because the flu season is so bad, and the flu is actually presenting with different symptoms for some people.
so, i guess i should have listened to y'all and not them :)
but seriously. my issue is there. it's the uncertainty. that's so hard. also, it's the realness of it. for example,the flu season IS bad here. it's not like i'm worried that he has the flu, when it's not even flu season. ya know? so, that bit of uncertainty, mixed with a bit of real threat....is a horrible combination for me and gives me that flight or fight response.
then if i read something like what to look for, i may actually give myself that symptom, so i don't usually do that.Well fair enough, ok, that is of course a possible outcome.
It seems you were getting conflicting information from both sides, so that obviously made it hard for you. However, he really didn't have the symptoms did he, so I am surprised they said to get him checked. Maybe behind them saying you should get him checked, was knowing that YOU wouldn't settle until that was done.
my issue is there. it's the uncertainty. that's so hard. also, it's the realness of it. for example,the flu season IS bad here. it's not like i'm worried that he has the flu, when it's not even flu season. ya know? so, that bit of uncertainty, mixed with a bit of real threat....is a horrible combination for me and gives me that flight or fight response.
.
Yes, the flu season is bad here too, we've practically had the NHS shut down for weeks, cancelled non-urgent operations, beds full of 'at risk' people who are very ill. However your fight or flight response is out of persepctive with the threat, it is FLU, not the plague or leprosy.
carys....exactly....my response is out of proportion. and yes, they probably did want me to have peace of mind.
i wish i could just flip a switch. make myself normal again. wish i still believed in God. i don't even like saying that actually, because, well, i really want to believe...
anyway...so many things to think about. and i'm already 52. feel like i have wasted so many days.
---------- Post added at 10:44 ---------- Previous post was at 09:28 ----------
well, it looks like i've gotten some good advice, some materials to read, some tough love, and some hand holding from this thread. i'd say that's not bad.
thanks for your help y'all.
sorry if i was annoying. but, well HA is ****ing annoying.
well, it looks like i've gotten some good advice, some materials to read, some tough love, and some hand holding from this thread. i'd say that's not bad.
thanks for your help y'all.
sorry if i was annoying. but, well HA is ****ing annoying.
:roflmao:All in a day's work! We all provide different persepctives here don't we, and a combination of them can be useful.
and we're back.....he got home from school and has a 100.7 fever now. i'm trying to tell myself a few things - his lungs were clear yesterday. if he runs a fever tomorrow, we will call the dr. again. i don't need to panic tonight. right?
Missjensen
31-01-18, 22:21
No, there is no need to panic. But I don’t understand why he’s been to school when he was sick yesterday. In Denmark we says people need a day without fever before going to work,school,kindergarten. Put him in bed, put on a movie and make him some tea. There is absolutely no need to go back to the doctor, the doctor just confirmed nothing seriously was wrong with him. And he is 16 not a infant, he will properly communicate if anything changes.
And 100.7 is 38 degrees Celsius that’s super low temperature! When it’s over 102.2000 / 39.00 then it’s normal high flu temperature, no need to worry before 104.0 at least.
My kids and husband and I had the flu, and we had fevers for like 5 or 6 days in about the same range as your son's. In the US at least, this is a nasty bug with prolonged symptoms. Your son should not be going to school until he's been fever free for 24 hours. And even then, my kids stayed home from school and I stayed home from work (missed over a week) because even when the fever broke, I still felt like doo- with bad headaches and massive fatigue. THey felt like doo too. Maybe I missed something, but did his fever break then come back? If not, you probably don't need to run to the doctor for fever. Going to the doctor actually exposes him to germs that are best avoided.
Good luck! He will get over this, but it could take some time!!!
Missjensen
31-01-18, 22:40
Even if he had a normal temperature and then back to fever, you don’t need the doctor, it’s normal when you have a cold to only have fever in the afternoon/night. You’ll expose lots of people including your son going back and forth from doctors.
so, yesterday, he went to dr, his fever was 99 and she did not consider it a fever, which is why he went to school today. this morning it was 99 and he felt like going. otherwise if he really didn't feel good or had over 100.5 temp i wouldn't have let him go.
he got home from school and his temp was 99.7 then an hour later 101.7 - if he has the flu i'd like him to take tamiflu, because it helps lessen the severity. also, i have an immune disorder, so i need to take it too .
honestly, i don't want to take him anywhere germy, for his sake, or mine. but i honestly don't know what to do now
Missjensen
31-01-18, 22:48
So he normally developed a temperature over some days, that’s how it works. And yes 99 is not a fever at all. You should also note that temperature goes up and down over a day, with lowest in the morning and highest at night. If you take the temperature oral food and drinks can also make it go up and down the same with activity.. I really don’t think he had the flu, But You guys sure catch it if You keep going to the doctor for nothing.
You on the other hand should call the doctor and ask what they recommend for you, and maybe get some medicine for yourself it it’s needed.
So he normally developed a temperature over some days, that’s how it works. And yes 99 is not a fever at all. You should also note that temperature goes up and down over a day, with lowest in the morning and highest at night. If you take the temperature oral food and drinks can also make it go up and down the same with activity.. I really don’t think he had the flu, But You guys sure catch it if You keep going to the doctor for nothing.
You on the other hand should call the doctor and ask what they recommend for you, and maybe get some medicine for yourself it it’s needed.
Exactly right...our fevers fluctuated in temperature over the day. Personally, I consider 99 a low grade fever because it is not the norm for us. Our fevers ranged from 99 to about 102 each day. My youngest child got the hottest.
To me, this is just a call the doctor and see what they say. Again, you are looking for blue, hard to breathe, high respiratory rate, bleeding in sputum can't rouse. Those are the only reasons to see a doctor.
Tamiflu...hmmmm...I have asthma and am high risk, but didn't want to take it because it only shaves off a few hours from the course of flu (like 12-24) and has side effects. You might think it's worth it, but it's also important to think about avoiding docs offices where the really sick people with unusual symptoms end up going.
thanks so much y'all. yes i know about temp fluctuations and eating, etc. my HA of course makes this worse, and i know that. but of course, there is a risk, so that makes it even more difficult.
i agree that going to urgent care would be so risky for contracting the flu! i don't want to do that if we don' t need to.
the dr said to call if he got a fever of 101 in the next couple of days and she would then test him for the flu. but since they are now closed, that's what is making this hard. surely waiting until 830am, only 15 hours from now, will be ok. right? that's what my husband thinks.
Missjensen
31-01-18, 23:30
It’s perfectly fine to wait until the morning, there is no need to rush him anywhere just because of a slight fever :hugs: I’m sure the doctor only said this to you for your sake and not because she’s worried.
I think you should call tomorrow, and ask what you should do with your condition.
Hi....I'm 23 and have the flu, sounds similar to your son. My doctor said around 104 is when someone might get sort of concerned. Maybe just have him rest for a few days? Also, if you can't get an appointment at your GP there might be either an urgent care or you could find a doctor on zocdoc!
thanks miss jensen. i am waiting, although it's hard.
scaredpt...so sorry you have the flu. did it start slow and then progress? did you have a flu shot? i know it's not very effective but maybe you get less severe symptoms. my son did have one. i am giving him ibuprofen, and will keep a close on eye him tonight. (sleep with one eye open) ;) then we will see his dr tomorrow
hope you feel better
no it hit me all at once. my temperature is also starting to lower (day 2). I did have the flu shot. but he's a strong 16 year old boy, i'm sure he will be fine.
Please don't push your HA fears onto your son.
Constantly taking his temp and generally fussing over him is not healthy.
It will be obvious if he requires medical intervention but in the meantime, lots of fluids and rest if he needs it is the best medicine.
Colds and Flu are caused by viruses therefore there is nothing a GP or urgent care can do at this stage.
MissJensen has given, what I consider to be very good advice in the last set of posts. There is no need at all to be dashing your son back to see anyone, or calling anyone. As for tamiflu, you know it doesn't stop the person being contagious and passing on and I've heard people say that it simply reduces the flu by the maximum of a day.
I sense with you that some of your fear comes from the fact you don't understand the human body, and its responses to normal viral illness. Here were our symptoms, in order that they appeared- though they ranged in severity for our family with my daughter being the most severe and me being the least. These weren't all the symptoms and some of us felt 'hot in our throat' or other assorted things....but they were all variants of a reaction to the same virus.
First 12 hours-
Started feeling tired
A tickly dry cough and tickly throat
'chills' and feeling under the weather
_________
Next day -
Temperature much higher (my daughter was 104degrees)
Chest hurt, coughing (but it felt dry)
Felt completely exhausted
Headache, pain in face and round eyes
Next day -
Aching in assorted muscles, including neck and back
Loss of appetite
Continued high temperature
Inability to do anything much apart from lie in bed
(Felt as if your mind was active, but your body was lacking the ability to do anything)
My daughter had a stomach age, we didn't
Next day -
We started some heavy cold like symptoms
Contiuned temperature (treated with paracetamol)
Continued exhaustion
So...you get the idea.....this lasted about a week and none of us had gone out anywhere. My husband even developed a post viral rash ! After that we all felt tired and lacking energy for another week or so, even though we were recovered from the other main symptoms. Everyone varies in their responses, but once you have the flu you KNOW you have the flu, theres no questioning it.
Yous son's temperature doesn't need taking constantly and neither does it help running around giving him the impression he could drop dead at any moment! He should start learning himself if he has a temperature....as the temperature rises you feel cold and shaky and just can't get warm. Then as you take a paracetamol, you start to feel hot, as your temperature falls. Just treat with the paracetamol dose. Follow the advice given, rest, fluids, paracetamol.
i really appreciate the advice. and i'm so glad i have someone on here to talk this over with. but i don't appreciate the condescension. i'm a 52 year old mother, who has HA, not an idiot. :)
i do understand the human body, and viruses. i also have 2 sisters who are in the medical field, one a pharmacist and the other a respitory therapist.
the flu has been presenting very differently for people in the US this year. the sudden onset of the typical symptoms is not what doctors are seeing in all the cases. and if you have had the flu shot, although it's not very effective this year, it too can cause the sypmtoms to appear differently and hopefully, less severe.
i will call my dr if my son has the flu, to take care of myself, but in the meantime, i probably do need to know if he has it or not. i don't want to take any medication that i don't have to. so, knowing if it's the flu, is relatively important.
also, the dr specfically told us that if he ran a fever to bring him back in for the flu test. do i want to do that? no. but i think that in order to take care of myself, and him, that i should. i didn't run there last night. i'm waiting until today. and i will call and get his doctors advice.
also, i'm not taking his temperature every minute or scaring him. he is a very calm and collected smart kid(who knows how to take his temperature himself and how to gauge how he is feeling). lastly, i could go without the guilt trip. my mother didn't have HA, i have 4 sisters and a brother, who don't have HA, but i got lucky. passing down HA to your kids, just because you have it, is not guaranteed. you can have it without your parent giving it to you, and you can not have it, even if your parent does.
life is funny...i was a rebel and a happy go lucky person, without many worries, until i was around 30. then my mother died, and 7 years later i was diagnosed with breast cancer,, stage 2B with lymph node involvmenet(when my son was 18 months old). had mastectomy, chemo, rads, tamoxifen, hysterectomy) it's not a crutch, and i'm glad that i have been cancer free for 15 years, but it changes you. and unfortunately, it heightened my anxiety.
so, not to be defensive, i'm not, but maybe that might help you understand at least where i'm coming from. I'm not asking you to enable me....i do not want that. but i don't want to be unfairly judged.
thanks
but i don't appreciate the condesention. i'm a 52 year old mother, who has HA, not an idiot.Well, if you feel like that from my (I thought) helpful and non-patronising reponses, then I will leave your thread. Nobody accused you of being an idiot. It was you came to a HA forum asking for reassurance, and we tried to give that. Good Luck.
BTW, I too have had breast cancer, snap.
i'd like to add that i what i need is help with the fear of it all. since the fear can and does alter our decision making, it's messy. and you're right that it clouds my judgement, which is why i asked what would "you" do. and i meant it. that is helpful. it brings us back to reality. so please don't think that i am not grateful for that. i am. and i'm listening. i didn't even call the dr last night, even though my anxiety was sky high andwanted me to.
Annaboodle
01-02-18, 13:05
No one here that I've read is being condescending. It doesn't matter if you do have medical knowledge if your HA is running riot. Advising you not to project your HA fears onto your son is good advice. Advising you to keep symptoms in perspective is good advice. I don't see the condescension here and I think you are being over sensitive and defensive. I can't see anyone judging you unfairly - they see you as someone with really bad HA. That's true isn't it?
Look Cofo, I'm not going to get involved further, not because I am angry, but because you don't like my approach and message. I'm not a doctor, or a therapist, or anyone special just a normal person like you who read a desperate message and responded in a way I thought was most helpful. I don't know you, I don't know your background....I can only respond to what I read here......
My 16 year old came home from school saying he has a cough that hurts his chest. He has a mild fever, 99.7 right now. I'm terrified. I'm so scared that he will take a huge turn for the worse in the middle of the night and I won't know. We will go to dr for tamiflu tomorrow if he has a fever. I'm also scared for myself. I've lost a ton of weight and have an immune disorder. Please help me.its 730pm here. I need a plan.
---------- Post added at 20:35 ---------- Previous post was at 19:35 ----------
I'm really scared.
As I say, good luck, and maybe read some of the other ongoing flu threads.
i am sorry you want to leave the thread. i said time and again that i appreciated the advice, and the hand holding. i really do. i don't even mind your approach. i have found you to be very helpful.
i just felt like saying that perhaps i didnt understand the human body, was a little condescending. i guess i took it wrong, i'm fairly sensitive right now, because well, i'm feeling anxious about this.
do you have HA? recovered? just here to help others now?
congrats on being a BC survivor. snap
Health anxiety usually comes from a root cause. Yours came from a real illness, some people become overly health anxious when watching a close friend or relative endure a horrible illness. Some people read too much on Google or watch too many medical dramas. And some people get it from their parents.
As a parent myself, I know all too well that what I project certainly rubs off on my daughter. Do you honestly believe that being this way with your son is not, in any way shape or form, going to influence him? Seriously?
And no, this isn’t a guilt trip, it’s advice aimed at making you feel better. If it makes you feel guilty then stop doing it.
Health anxiety usually comes from a root cause. Yours came from a real illness, some people become overly health anxious when watching a close friend or relative endure a horrible illness. Some people read too much on Google or watch too many medical dramas. And some people get it from their parents.
As a parent myself, I know all too well that what I project certainly rubs off on my daughter. Do you honestly believe that being this way with your son is not, in any way shape or form, going to influence him? Seriously?
And no, this isn’t a guilt trip, it’s advice aimed at making you feel better. If it makes you feel guilty then stop doing it.
hi. i agree, HA can come from many sources. i try not to project it onto my son. but i'm not perfect., i'm human, and i have flaws. my husband isn't either. there are many things that we do or don't do that affect our kids, not just HA. that's part of life. we try to minimize those things as best we can. i guess i just don't find it helpful to tell me not to pass it on to my child. i already know this, and know i don't want to do it, and i try not to. and i wish i could flip a switch and turn it off, that would be incredible.
but i'm here because i have HA.
do you have HA? recovered? just here to help others now?
congrats on being a BC survivor. snap
I had very bad HA in my teenaged years and 20s yes, I consider myself recovered (as had no HA for 20 years), but every now and again during stressful times I get a blip that lasts a day or so only. Yes, I stick around here to help.
I was only diagnosed 1 1/2 years ago....so under regular monitoring for bc still.
i guess i just don't find it helpful to tell me not to pass it on to my child. i already know this
How would anyone know you already knew this, from your prior posts?
I had very bad HA in my teenaged years and 20s yes, I consider myself recovered (as had no HA for 20 years), but every now and again during stressful times I get a blip that lasts a day or so only. Yes, I stick around here to help.
i'm sincerely glad that you have overcome your HA. what helped you most? therapy? meds?
I was only diagnosed 1 1/2 years ago....so under regular monitoring for bc still.
thankfully treatment has come a long way....
How would anyone know you already knew this, from your prior posts?
well, i guess i didn't feel that i needed emphasize it . i think it goes without saying that we don't want to pass this crap on to our kids.
It doesn’t matter if you know that you shouldn’t project this on to your children or not, you’re still doing it.
Anxiety is a battle, and in order to win that battle sometimes you need to be reminded that your behaviour can and does affect others, especially your kids. Nobody is firing shots at you here, we know it’s not deliberate on your part, but as I said, we all need a swift kick in the right direction at times.
It doesn’t matter if you know that you shouldn’t project this on to your children or not, you’re still doing it.
Anxiety is a battle, and in order to win that battle sometimes you need to be reminded that your behaviour can and does affect others, especially your kids. Nobody is firing shots at you here, we know it’s not deliberate on your part, but as I said, we all need a swift kick in the right direction at times.
of course, a reminder is not a bad idea. and a swift kick can certainly help sometimes.
i guess i just feel like i'm alredy trying not to pass it on to him as best i can. i haven't overreacted in front of him. i'm trying to be reasonable about the dr.
i'm not running around here talking about all of this in front of him, i'm just expressing myself here. so, i think i'm doing the best i can with that. in the midst of a flu outbreak and a fever.
i know i think about how i handle things in front of him, and i try to minimize my anxiety behaviour around him. so, when someone says i'm passing it on to him, that adds to my anxiety...."oh no, what if i am screwing him up too" and then i get more unnecessary anxiety on top of that.
so, just know that yes, i am trying not to pass anxiety along to my kid.
Children are WAY more perceptive than we give them credit for. When my ex and I were having difficulties, we tried to hide it the best we could. Our kids knew we were in trouble before we did :blush:
Positive thoughts
Children are WAY more perceptive than we give them credit for. When my ex and I were having difficulties, we tried to hide it the best we could. Our kids knew we were in trouble before we did :blush:
Positive thoughts
yep. they are. but all we can do is try our best. and that's what i am doing.
Cofo - I completely understand where you're coming from, and I fully applaud your post about not wanting to be spoken down to. While others on this thread were trying to help, I think it's also common on these threads for the "tough love" talk to shift into being too easily dismissive. I understand your fears. Here in the US, we are seeing the flu not come on like the typical truck it has in the past. I also have flu HA. I worry I won't recognize it, that my child (who has other health issues) will get it, that I will then get it and be unable to care for my child, etc.
There are also too many stories in the news about people who have gotten the flu and then died within 1-2 days. That's terrifying! Especially for people like us who fear doing the wrong thing or not recognizing something. I really related to your comment about feeling pressured about Tamiflu's need to be started right away. I feel the same way. My child was just sick a week ago, and I was distraught not knowing if I should bring my child to the doc (and possibly be exposed to the flu if he didn't already have it), or wait it out at home for a bit (and then possibly be one of those cases where it goes from bad to worse in the blink of an eye). It's a no-win situation.
So - I just wanted to say I am with you, I hear you, I understand, and you're not alone.
I hope your son is feeling better and that you stay well. For what it's worth, my doctor actually told me to put on a mask if my child started showing symptoms. I think there's a way to do that without inciting horrible fear in your child.
Well, you can applaud away, but I don't recall doing 'tough talk' but tried to be helpful. Wow, there ARE some rude people about today.
Huh? Nothing I wrote was rude in any way. Nor was it directed at you.
Oh I see. I didn't catch that. Anyway - my post was not directed toward you and just focused toward Cofo's feeling of being dismissed.
cofo: how's your son doing? i bet he'll be better in no time!
Cofo - I completely understand where you're coming from, and I fully applaud your post about not wanting to be spoken down to. While others on this thread were trying to help, I think it's also common on these threads for the "tough love" talk to shift into being too easily dismissive. I understand your fears. Here in the US, we are seeing the flu not come on like the typical truck it has in the past. I also have flu HA. I worry I won't recognize it, that my child (who has other health issues) will get it, that I will then get it and be unable to care for my child, etc.
There are also too many stories in the news about people who have gotten the flu and then died within 1-2 days. That's terrifying! Especially for people like us who fear doing the wrong thing or not recognizing something. I really related to your comment about feeling pressured about Tamiflu's need to be started right away. I feel the same way. My child was just sick a week ago, and I was distraught not knowing if I should bring my child to the doc (and possibly be exposed to the flu if he didn't already have it), or wait it out at home for a bit (and then possibly be one of those cases where it goes from bad to worse in the blink of an eye). It's a no-win situation.
So - I just wanted to say I am with you, I hear you, I understand, and you're not alone.
I hope your son is feeling better and that you stay well. For what it's worth, my doctor actually told me to put on a mask if my child started showing symptoms. I think there's a way to do that without inciting horrible fear in your child.
Yeah it's been tough emotionally to try to do the right thing. Thanks for your understanding. All kinds of posts are helpful. I appreciate them all. I know you understand.
---------- Post added at 16:33 ---------- Previous post was at 15:50 ----------
Hi. Carys and all the others...I did appreciate your posts. Just because we had a discussion about it doesn't mean that I didn't value it or respect it. Jules ur post was also very comforting. It takes all kinds to help each other. My son does have the flu. It's the B strain and my dr wants me on tamiflu. I actually feel a little relieved just knowing what we are dealing with. Thanks again everyone for your help.
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