TikPandora
01-02-18, 12:47
24 year old male here. On meds for diabetes and depression.
Well, it happened again. But I knew even when I finally thought I felt better that this would rear it's ugly head once more. I've been much better over the past few months, but this time it's really bad.
It all started earlier on in the night. I was just getting ready for bed when I noticed something. I could hear what seemed to be my heartbeat in my ear. Like I could hear it. This isn't anything new. For as long as I can remember I've had little episodes like this, but it has only ever happened before when I was laying down with my ear against a pillow. This time it was different, as I was sitting up with no pillow or even another surface in close proximity.
Usually I would be able to look over something like this, but for some reason it triggered me hard and everything went downhill from there. I began to look it up, even though I know I'm not supposed to. With every search I remembered every other odd little thing that has happened recently that could possibly go with it. Originally I came to the conclusion of having something wrong with my heart, but it quickly moved to aneurysm. I was hopeful, those are relatively rare and I managed to convince myself that I was just being silly but then my fears of the big ol' "C" word reared their ugly head.
I linked everything together then. The sounds of my heartbeat in my ear, the random bits of ringing I would hear every once in a while. The general head fog I felt (which could be from being very tired). Random little muscle spasms in my stomach, arms, and eyelid. Even the fact that my left hand has been slightly numb for the past few days eventually lumped on top of this. I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes in August, and even though I know that my poor management of that could definitely be playing a part in the numbness, I still attributed it to this new seemingly real threat to my existence. I'm now to the point where I've convinced myself that my vision has deteriorated, something I didn't really think before, but I've convinced myself that it's worse now.
It's almost 7:00 AM now, and I'm sitting here in front of a monitor with it's brightness set way too high, completely convinced that I have some sort of "Glioblastoma" brain tumor and that I only have mere months to live. I envy the people that don't have this problem so much...
Well, it happened again. But I knew even when I finally thought I felt better that this would rear it's ugly head once more. I've been much better over the past few months, but this time it's really bad.
It all started earlier on in the night. I was just getting ready for bed when I noticed something. I could hear what seemed to be my heartbeat in my ear. Like I could hear it. This isn't anything new. For as long as I can remember I've had little episodes like this, but it has only ever happened before when I was laying down with my ear against a pillow. This time it was different, as I was sitting up with no pillow or even another surface in close proximity.
Usually I would be able to look over something like this, but for some reason it triggered me hard and everything went downhill from there. I began to look it up, even though I know I'm not supposed to. With every search I remembered every other odd little thing that has happened recently that could possibly go with it. Originally I came to the conclusion of having something wrong with my heart, but it quickly moved to aneurysm. I was hopeful, those are relatively rare and I managed to convince myself that I was just being silly but then my fears of the big ol' "C" word reared their ugly head.
I linked everything together then. The sounds of my heartbeat in my ear, the random bits of ringing I would hear every once in a while. The general head fog I felt (which could be from being very tired). Random little muscle spasms in my stomach, arms, and eyelid. Even the fact that my left hand has been slightly numb for the past few days eventually lumped on top of this. I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes in August, and even though I know that my poor management of that could definitely be playing a part in the numbness, I still attributed it to this new seemingly real threat to my existence. I'm now to the point where I've convinced myself that my vision has deteriorated, something I didn't really think before, but I've convinced myself that it's worse now.
It's almost 7:00 AM now, and I'm sitting here in front of a monitor with it's brightness set way too high, completely convinced that I have some sort of "Glioblastoma" brain tumor and that I only have mere months to live. I envy the people that don't have this problem so much...