Bowel / anal cancer worries with health anxiety [Archive]

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bertsquall

01-02-18, 13:04

Hi All

Debating to post this our not as I am conscious I know its me being obsessive but I am looking to see if someone has went through something very similar.

A little background before I go ahead. In the last 2 years since my mum passed away my health anxiety has been on and off. About a year and a bit ago my first true trigger happened when I had a strange pressure under my rib, to keep a long story I was obsessed thinking this was sometime of cancer despite being re-assured by the Doctor there was nothing. He eventually sent me for a scan which showed no issued. This at the time helped and for 6-7months after this my Health Anxiety seemed to cease.

So in November 2017 it triggered again after I went to the toilet and by chance happened to look down and notice fresh red blood on my stool (stool was slightly darker as I think is common for harder stool / rabbit pellet type stools). In my head I knew I had this in the past but my head was telling me something different. I think it was a hard stool and I think I did strain but my memory is so foggy on the day. Since that days I have obsessed with checking my stools looking for blood to the point I was using toilet paper from above to smush it (I know disgusting). I was finding red flecks, bits of red food which made me panic. I was constantly wiping to try and find blood and sometimes I did find like little pin pricks of blood (no doubt from excessive wiping)

In December it totally consumed me and changed me as a person. Doing the classic things of trying to get re-assurance from my wife, (and family) all the time, asking her all the time and trying to slip it into casual conversation. I was still checking stools but I never noticed more blood like I did apart from pin pricks on the toilet paper but still my head was consumed with bowel / anal cancers even though logically in my head I knew it was a low chance. I went to try CBT and it did help in the short term to focus. The councillor even had experience in Bowel / Anal cancers as she lost a lot of family members to it and was explaining factors of it to me. One exercise was for me to no overlook and just to check if there was “lots” of blood on the toilet pan or water, and another one was to record when I go to the toilet over a 2 week period (the recordings showed I had regular movements and normal 4-5 type stool on the Bristol stool scale). Just before x-mas I felt I was in a good place to move on and all seemed well, even enjoying x-mas day and new year.

All going well until January when it hit me again after seeing some blood on the toilet tissues (again small amounts and as my diet wasn’t great I did have mucus on some movements). I decided to go to the Doctors this time and he did a rectal exam couldn’t feel anything but didn’t suspect anything sinister other than maybe internal haemorrhoids. He explained he could send me for a colonoscopy and he can submit it but it could take up to 9 months to before I was seen. He has been a family doctor for years but I had no reason to not listen to him. A week it lasted I felt anxious free until I went to the toilet and see red blood on my stool again (much like the last time I think it was a hard passing stool and I think I may have squeezed to hard but when it happens my memory goes foggy and I try and to make it in my head it was different). This triggered all my symptoms again and it was getting worse. Constantly checking my stools Sometimes seeing undigested food (such as baked beans) that made things looked like blood I think when it wasent. I rebooked an appointment and seen him 2 days ago and he said he had to be quite firm with me as my symptoms overall had not changed and he is now suggesting I look at going on anti-depressants to try and help my health anxiety.

In my head I still feel there is an issue but I am trying to come up with a plan of action. I like to think if there was anything seriously wrong there would be very visible blood around the toilet pan or in the water at least. So the last 2-3 days since my appointment I have been trying to not look at the stool at all and I do this by putting toilet paper down to cover the stool so I cannot see it but will let me to see if there is blood in the water or around the pan (To be clear ive never had an excessive amount of blood so in my head if there was a major issue there would be excessive blood). This seems to be helping me cope but today I did find a pin prick of blood on the toilet paper again. And all I can keep thinking is what if there was blood on the stool. I did wipe a few times after finding the blood and couldn’t find anymore blood and its in my head that if it was an anal fissure I would be constantly wiping blood! It did slightly trigger. I try and go through this method to try and help myself and tell my self I don’t have all other symptoms such as:

• Fatigue
• Weight Loss
• Excessive Blood
• Tarry like Stools (Doctor said it would be hard not to notice this as its so black and would be there when u wipe)
• No lumps or bumps around the anus
• No constant stomach pains
• No loss of appetite
• Bowel movements seem consistent to 2-3 times a day (and 1-2 times on the weekend)
• Stools are within 4-5 on Bristol stool scale.
• Dr has examined me twice and advised its very highly unlikely its cancer

I just want to know if anyone has had similar symptoms to this? If you did how did you control it so it didn’t go out of control in your head? Is it worth looking at anti-depressants?

I know logically in my head fresh red blood and small amounts are very common for all ages and it could have been a very tiny fissure that sealed up after wiping but I am worried the all consuming thoughts of bowel cancer will creep in again. Any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry for the long post!

jojo2316

01-02-18, 14:19

Poor you. I'm sorry about your mum. If only it was as easy as offering some advice and you would feel better. What you are describing is classic health anxiety. You don't have bowel cancer but you do have an unreasonable amount of worry about bowel cancer.

There are two things you can do about it.
A) pursue tests to rule out cancer. This might work if you don't yet have a full blown health anxiety disorder, but if you do it will make you feel better for a while before the worries creep back and you will want more reassurance. It will be a vicious cycle
Or B)
You can address your health anxiety either through CBT therapy or there are loads of books on the topic

Good luck ��

nomorepanic

01-02-18, 14:30

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your post was moved from its original place to a sub-forum that is more relevant to your issue.

This is nothing personal - it just enables us to keep posts about the same problems in the relevant forums so other members with any experience with the issues can find them more easily.

Please also read this post:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=213239

Apple86

06-02-18, 13:07

bertsquall

09-02-18, 09:27

Hi there.

I used to work for the Bowel Cancer Screening Programme (actually testing the stool samples) and we used to refer anyone who showed blood in their stools for a colonoscopy. HOWEVER, it was only a very small minority of referrals who actually had cancer as confirmed by colonoscopy. Most of the time the blood was from piles or a fissure from constipation/pushing too hard. The samples that were "bad" were often dark and very smelly. This is because blood from polyps tends to have dried by the time it comes out in your stool as the polyps are higher up in the bowel. Fresh blood was never as concerning, for us as screeners anyway.

There's no harm in going on the waiting list for colonoscopy but, in the meantime, try to think of the odds, which are very much in favour of this being benign.

Best,
Apple

Hi Apple thanks for the reply and the information i think it just adds to what my dr was advising me. Dr has advised that its hard to get screenings when you are under 50 with no family history and if i did do the colonoscopy would take up to 7-9 months in Wales.

Since my original post i have adopted a CBT exercise with advice from the doctor.

Its been about a week and half and i feel so much better than before. I can feel the worry and anxiety lifting. I have now stopped looking at bowel movements completely. This was achieved after every bowel movement i would lay a piece of toilet paper down the toilet and have a quick check to see if there is blood on the pan or the water (important to make sure you cant see the stool) and from what the dr has advised the black tarry stool (with the smell) would be to hard to ignore. Since adopting this it seems to have helped me alot.

The only issue i have to overcome is checking the toilet paper for blood. I have had one tiny prick of blood but i know this can be common with tears etc.

Hoping i can keep this going but this technique had really helped me.

samina77

12-02-18, 10:41

bertsquall

12-02-18, 11:43

Hello Bert,

I want to thank you so much for posting. You have described very similar situation to mine. My HA went into a spiral after I had some health issues following the birth of my son last year. My obsession is my bowels and bowel cancer. I too have done everything you describe and I am still obsessively checking every time I go to the toilet. I really identified with your description of your brain going into a fog when you think you see something, I am exactly the same. Then it's like going into a parallel dimension...

I'm so glad things are better for you, I didn't know that thing about only a lot of blood was something to worry about. The medical sites don't mention that but I wonder if that's because the more vague they are about symptoms the more likely people will get things checked out?? Not sure..

Hopefully I too will get to the point where I don't examine my BMs anymore...

THanks so much for posting,
Wish you well,
Sx

Hi Samina

The medical sites, including the NHS, I feel are terrible for people with anxiety. An example is the NHS talks about blood in your stool as an example of bowel cancer and you automatically think straight off the bat I seen blood once and I must have it.

When you see it once it feels like the world is ending, to me, but I have been taking a step back from reading all these symptoms now and after discussion with the doctors, and I even discussed this with a McMillan Volunteer who had a van outside my local Morrisons a few weeks back, they both say the websites and info lack full descriptions of the symptoms but give a general overview. I think it must be a trigger to get people to go to their Doctors and ask the question incase there is other symptoms along with the blood you are missing. Generally I feel with HA you would notice other symptoms more than other people who don’t suffer with it. If you potentially had bowel cancer you could have symptoms such as constant fatigue, loss of appetite, lose of weight etc and people who don’t have HA might generally let this pass as have a virus and flu. I think that’s why they run all these adds and campaigns to ensure people don’t miss early triggers and people who are relaxed about there health. (just my take on it)

Ive been to the Doctor twice in the last month, asked specialist on McMillans website etc and all them say they have no concern. I use this as a further trigger for myself to help me through, could all these people be wrong and me right? The answer would be no they are the experts and I have to trust in their judgment as they diagnosis areas like this for a living. I know its hard and the only way. One thing that has helped is don’t read the papers about cancer as I think they use one or two cases which are 1 in a million chance of them happening and can make you think more on your health anxiety!

As discussed in the post I have started a kind of CBT exercise to help me through this. Not looking has helped me so much and I do not worry about going to the toilet as much as used to. I use the examples if there is visible blood in the water or on the pan or if there is a black tarry stool then this would be a trigger to go back to the doctor. In terms of loads of blood on the pan it can be down to piles more than likely if it happens but for now this will stop me closely examine my stool as I use it as a visual aid other than checking my stools

I read from your reply you examine your stools a lot like I used to. How often have you found blood in there? IF you have are you sure it wasent undigested food etc? When I examined I used to find red flecks that were clearly not blood but made me think it was.

One other thing that helped me was writing a list of logic such as this:

• Have I seen blood in the last week? No therefore its not a consistent problem
• Have my bowel movements changed? No I generally go 1-2 times a day
• Do I have constant runny stools? No they are not watery and generally on the 4-5 on the Bristol stool scale
• Do I have abdominal pain? Sometimes small tinges but nothing that puts me in severe pain and generally these tinges happen when I really need to or when the bowel movement happens but this has happened all my life when going to the toilet (One time I had severe pain but I always put it down to a curry sausage I had at a beer festival and I use that pain as what I would consider sever pain like someone strangling my gut with a rope)
• Do I bloat? Yes but only when I have large amounts of food and when it happens but it doesn’t reduce my appetite
• How is my weight? Its consistent and not really moved in 2-3 months

This helps bring logic to my situation even when I have some minor relapses (Which happened over this weekend) the logic list helps me a lot to move past the anxiety.

One thing I also note from you post this happened after you had a child. One thing I have noticed in my life (im 30) is when you have a lot of changes going on and looking to the future and consider yourself happy health anxiety kicks in. This has happened to me a few times in my life, particularly in the last 3-4 years. When I was moving house for the first time I kept thinking life couldn’t be better but my head started kicking in with “what if you have cancer and you wont get to enjoy all that you worked for?”, then again recently when I got married and looking to move again the whole bowel cancer anxiety happened “What if you have kids and you wont get to see them grow cause of cancer?”.

It’s a vicious circle that for me stop me seeing the future and in the last few weeks I have been staying more positive thinking “I do deserve this” and generally trying to change my mind to be more positive and it really has helped me a lot.

Have you been to the doctor about your concerns?

Best

Bert.

samina77

13-02-18, 13:47

Hi Bert,

I completely agree with you about the medical websites, they are very vague and as a consequence someone with HA will be sent into overdrive. In the past year I have convinced myself I have about 10 different serious conditions...

I think we might be on to something regarding the reason behind keeping the information very general and vague... people who aren't as sensitive to their bodies may just sit back and not do anything... We HA people on the other hand, feel every issue magnified 10-fold.

So to answer your question, I have found blood on occasions and on other occasions I may have seen something which looked like it that wasn't and I panicked. So a bit of both. Just like you, when it has definitely been blood (fresh) either mixed in or on the side - literally I lose control of my thinking, panic, fast heartbeat, foggy thinking, palpitations and a feeling of dread.

I would like to get to the point when I see it that I say "you know you get this now and then, you know it's nothing sinister, you have grade 3 internal hemorrhoids, it will pass in a few days" I have never had black tarry stool, I also have IBS which doesn't help so things are often up the creek, sometimes loose BMs sometimes I don't go for 2 days... I think during high anxiety moments this makes things worse too...

You're absolutely right about the life change thing. Having my baby and then having a health scare (literally 2 weeks after he was born), sent me into a spiral, so there was the massive responsibility of being a mummy and then a massive fear for my health all rolled into one. I understand where and why it all happened, I'm just trying now to break that messed up obsessive thinking... Posts like yours really help.

I have been to my doctor and she sent me to a proctologist who confirmed grade 3 piles - wants me to do the operation but I refuse. When I started to see the blood often (2-3 times a week) my doctor made me treat the piles for 3 weeks, and the bleeding stopped. So I know that theoretically it can't be anything bad otherwise it would have gotten worse. Then after the treatment, I stopped and then a month or so later, it came back, treated it, it went away again, stopped the treatment, it came back. It's like that for me. It comes and goes...

Thanks for posting and for replying :)