Health anxiety but towards child

[byronhinson]

I used to suffer from health anxiety but thanks to CBT I managed to control it. In the past month after having flu and being alone at home because of it all Christmas and then seeing my little one I have suddenly become obsessed that she is seriously ill. I see her looking really pale. She’s mentioned headaches a couple of times but then she’s now got a cold

Is it health anxiety when you worry about someone else’s health instead of your own. I’m going nuts again.

[WiseMonkey]

Hi,

Yes it is and you have to stop your reactions to this immediately and get a grip! You are the adult/parent not a child. Children are very impressionable and you will make her in to a bundle of nerves. If you overly react with fear and drama you could pass on the HA to her!

I know this from first hand experience. My mother was obsessed with cancer and would tell me all about people she knew of, who had died from it. I was just a young child and she had no right putting her fears and adult issues onto me. I consider it to be child abuse and has deeply affected me psychologically, into my adulthood.

What your daughter has is a cold, which is why she is pale and has a headache. As an experienced teacher, I've seen thousands of young children with colds and flu's and they've all recovered. I've also seen those who are nervous wrecks because their parents selfishly put their own HA onto them, instead of behaving rationally.

Seriously, you need to get some more CBT to help you deal with your HA over your daughter.

[Carys]

To be fair though, we don't know that he is actually saying to her that she's ill, or asking her or showing his anxiety about her health to her. I think, and suspect from how I read it that it is an anxiety he feels internally ? (please correct me OP if I'm wrong here) I don't think we should be too harsh about it.

The trouble is with children, they get ill a lot with many minor things, well my daughter did. Cold after cold after cold mostly. Also, the other difficulty that I found made me worry more was that they are often not able to describe their symptoms,or severity or give details that are helpful in assessing, so often I you felt overly responsible for 'making the call' about if it was something that needed a doctor's visit or not. I don't know if you find that yourself? You love your child so much that a fear of her being ill feels horribly overwhelming.

I don't know the age of your child, but I will firstly say that from my experience as they become older you get used to how they respond to illnesses and get better at assessing. Saying that I never worried that there was something wrong, when there wasn't, I had a tendency to internally worry when she had real physical symptoms. I think the fact that you are worrying that she is desperately ill is an indication that you probably do need to take action to address it.

Can you apply the same CBT techniques you learnt for yourself towards retraining your thoughts processes in the case of your daughter's health ?

I do agree with WMonkey though that we do our children a disservice if making them fearful regarding their health. We need resilient youngsters who can put up with normal viruses and not panic themselves.

[byronhinson]

To be fair though, we don't know that he is actually saying to her that she's ill, or asking her or showing his anxiety about her health to her. I think, and suspect from how I read it that it is an anxiety he feels internally ? (please correct me OP if I'm wrong here) I don't think we should be too harsh about it.

The trouble is with children, they get ill a lot with many minor things, well my daughter did. Cold after cold after cold mostly. Also, the other difficulty that I found made me worry more was that they are often not able to describe their symptoms,or severity or give details that are helpful in assessing, so often I you felt overly responsible for 'making the call' about if it was something that needed a doctor's visit or not. I don't know if you find that yourself? You love your child so much that a fear of her being ill feels horribly overwhelming.

I don't know the age of your child, but I will firstly say that from my experience as they become older you get used to how they respond to illnesses and get better at assessing. Saying that I never worried that there was something wrong, when there wasn't, I had a tendency to internally worry when she had real physical symptoms. I think the fact that you are worrying that she is desperately ill is an indication that you probably do need to take action to address it.

Can you apply the same CBT techniques you learnt for yourself towards retraining your thoughts processes in the case of your daughter's health ?

I do agree with WMonkey though that we do our children a disservice if making them fearful regarding their health. We need resilient youngsters who can put up with normal viruses and not panic themselves.
Yeah I’d never pass it on to the child or even mention it to her and don’t believe I said in the post that I was. It’s just my internal responses to her saying she has a headache (even before the obvious cold) her looking generally pale in my eyes (not my wife’s) etc.

I’ve already restarted citalopram after a year off it and looking to do well-being course.

[WiseMonkey]

Hi again,

After re-reading my post, it does sound rather harsh. I am passionate about children's mental health issues.

I'm glad that you just worry internally in regards to you daughter. I also worried about my daughters (internally) as there was no way that I was going to react the same way as my mother did.

Like Carys said, kids get all sorts of germs and virus's along the way. It's important that they learn to self soothe and can cope with these.

All the best with it :)

[LeFi_81]

This was a day of up and downs :ohmy: Proud of myself for not consulting dr Google the whole day.

My daughter (now 9) is down with a high fever (40 degrees Celcius) since Friday. Children diseases can be quite volatile and she has a very aggressive one this time. I took her to the dr this afternoon and will take her again tomorrow on the advice of the dr.

What scared me terribly is the fever hallucinations but fortunately I keep myself calmer since it was the third time tonight I saw her like this.

What I want to say is it is important to be free to be a parent and not feed your own anxiety and/or make your child anxious. What a challenge right?

You should work to find a way, a resource, that can support you. Not the internet or this forum. Find a inner calm, for me prayer is important, or do what you know works for you. Then divide the jobs. I let my hubby care for her in the night...even though I am lurking here in the morning hours. At least he does not go overboard and call the emergency helicopter every time the fever spikes :blush:

And distract.

I always liked the idea of us parents supporting each other here.
Thank you for reading

[Carys]

At least he does not go overboard and call the emergency helicopter every time the fever spikes :blush:

Bless you :roflmao:That DID make me laugh !

[Annaboodle]

I used to suffer from health anxiety but thanks to CBT I managed to control it. In the past month after having flu and being alone at home because of it all Christmas and then seeing my little one I have suddenly become obsessed that she is seriously ill. I see her looking really pale. She’s mentioned headaches a couple of times but then she’s now got a cold

Is it health anxiety when you worry about someone else’s health instead of your own. I’m going nuts again.

Hello. Yes, unfortunately it's all part of HA I think. I get this a lot about my youngest (she's 3) in particular. Logically I know that she's pale as she's inherited my pale skin and has shadows under her eyes because everyone in my family has shadows under their eyes, but it doesn't stop me worrying occasionally. I think once you've had HA perhaps you're always going to get those thoughts. They flash up in my mind when I see she has a wee bruise I don't know how she got or gets a rash as a reaction to something and I have a fleeting worry about something sinister. The difference now is that it's just that - a fleeting thought that comes and goes and I can choose to ignore - rather than an all-consuming fear that takes over. But that is only years after working on my anxiety that I can say that.

[LeFi_81]

Bless you :roflmao:That DID make me laugh !

Happy to oblidge Carys :yesyes: Sometimes seeing it a bit lighthearted really helps me :shades:

Annaboodle is right though. This part of anxiety is part of the package. I understand what you mean too with pale complexions. My niece has such a complexion and I often wondered how anxious I would have been had one of my children similar colorings.

Important for me is to find the strength to stay with the feet on the ground for my children.

[nibalath]

It seems to me that the child is ready to turn you into a ball of nerves and do everything so that you do not sleep. He likes it, he doesn't sleep and just cries

[Allochka]

Oh, I feel for you, I really do!
After my daugter’s birth my HA switched to her. I rarely worry about myself, husband or my mom anymore. Daughter is 6 and healthy happy child, but I managed to scare myself to death about so many extraordinary illnesses during her first 3 years. And then I started therapy and medication, which helps tremendously. Now doing much better :-)
Another tip which helped me - I nominated husband, an absolute non-hypochondriac (despite having cancer 7 years ago) to be in charge of daughter’s big health decisions. Like, if I imagine another crazy illness - I confess to husband, list symptoms and ask if he is worried. If he is not - I do not make any doctor apointments, etc… Husband loves her more than anything, and would never risk her health if there would be reasonable concern. It helps - no unnecessary docs visits and tests.
Also I list logical items why she can’t have “crazy illness of the day” in my head and repeat them to myself, appeal to my reason (what is left of it :-). And it helps - after couple of days the fear is shaken off.
Agree to everyone saying we must not transfer ha to our kids. We must do everything to stop it for their sake.
BTW, my daughter recently had stuffed nose just a bit. And also complained of headaches. Could be sinuses, or dehydration, or stress related in your daughter’s case
How old is she?

[LeFi_81]

Hi all,
It is crucial to be objective in the responses to a sick child. It takes enorm self discipline but parenthood does give you the power to be strong when you are at your weakest.
Dividing tasks among parents regarding health issues is as very healthy decision. I applaud you Allochka!!!
Congratulations to fostering Salemardan! Sounds like you know yourself and that you are proactive in the dealing with HA anxiety. It's very helpful to be so honest to oneself.

My daughter is now 14 and I posted the first post in this thread when she was 9. Truthfully, it helped me to let my anxiety surface here and deal with it by writing about it - rather than having an attack in front of the child. She is unwell again now and she is now old enough that I can understand her issues and problems enough to know the severity.

Point is you will raise your children beautiful and strong. Because your weakness can be their strength. You can teach them coping with uncertainty now and how you deal with pain and sickness is an example for them.

It is just important you reach out when you need it.