Meriland30
06-02-18, 22:32
I am in no was perfect, especially when it comes to anxiety. Like many others here, if it isn't one thing, it is the next thing. Hypochondria is a constant journey and battle that, like depression or any other mental illness, is never fully fixed or gone, but it can be handled and organized with logic if you can manage to see outside the box even for a minute.
I have worried (and still worry) over many things; cancer, HIV/AIDS, CJD, ALS, brain tumors, fatal insomnia, heart attacks, even shock. However, there is literally only 1 disease that I have managed to completely eliminate from my 'brain bank' of worries, and that is ALS... but it took a almost incapacitating event to be able to sift through it and find the silver lining..
It first started with a bout of random dizziness which is not completely unusual for me. The next day, I found I had fasciculations... TRUE fasciculations in my knee caps. These were constant, every single day, for weeks. I realize that I make mountains out of molehills so I asked my (then) boyfriend if he saw my skin 'jumping' and he said he did, and that it looked similar to a eye or thumb twitch. I then started to experience these all over my body, even my tongue. What led me to good-ole Dr Google was the fact that my left arm (and I am a lefty) seemed weak, everything was heavy. I tested this out with a 10lb dumbell which I could use all day long with my right arm, with my left arm I could only do it 3 times and then I threw my back muscle out trying to do the 4th. This didn't 'seem' weak, it was weak. I didn't even overwork it prior to to have it do this. Upon looking up fasciculation alone on the internet, all I could find was ALS ALS ALS, nothing else! There WAS ...nothing else, except for BFS which was practically all I had to hold onto as a cause, and even then, did not explain the weakness issue.
I was so scared over this that I made a emergency appt with a neurologist who confirmed that he saw the fasciculations, and that my left arm 'seemed' weak when testing it. He tested my legs, arms, tried to elicit fasciculations, tested my reflexes, checked my tongue. He diagnosed me with BFS and told me that it is basically the IBS of the neurologic community, it is a abbreviation for.....something they don't understand but know it is benign and chronic...but then followed it up with "but, anxiety doesn't cause or exacerbate it". Good to know!
I went home, feeling somewhat satisfied and also extremely unsatisfied. I felt that it did not explain this weakness in my arm. After a few weeks, something had happened in my life that completely distracted me from this worry. In that time, I realized suddenly that my twitches were 90% gone, my weakness was gone, I couldn't believe it. This was over a year ago and I can still say the same now. I truly TRULY believe that, if indeed BFS was the cause of this, then anxiety created BFS. I think that doctors don't truly understand what stress and anxiety really can do in terms of symptoms, sensations. We have only recently kinda tapped into the brain and what it can do. I think there is a lot left to be learned in terms of physical manifestations of anxiety.
I have worried (and still worry) over many things; cancer, HIV/AIDS, CJD, ALS, brain tumors, fatal insomnia, heart attacks, even shock. However, there is literally only 1 disease that I have managed to completely eliminate from my 'brain bank' of worries, and that is ALS... but it took a almost incapacitating event to be able to sift through it and find the silver lining..
It first started with a bout of random dizziness which is not completely unusual for me. The next day, I found I had fasciculations... TRUE fasciculations in my knee caps. These were constant, every single day, for weeks. I realize that I make mountains out of molehills so I asked my (then) boyfriend if he saw my skin 'jumping' and he said he did, and that it looked similar to a eye or thumb twitch. I then started to experience these all over my body, even my tongue. What led me to good-ole Dr Google was the fact that my left arm (and I am a lefty) seemed weak, everything was heavy. I tested this out with a 10lb dumbell which I could use all day long with my right arm, with my left arm I could only do it 3 times and then I threw my back muscle out trying to do the 4th. This didn't 'seem' weak, it was weak. I didn't even overwork it prior to to have it do this. Upon looking up fasciculation alone on the internet, all I could find was ALS ALS ALS, nothing else! There WAS ...nothing else, except for BFS which was practically all I had to hold onto as a cause, and even then, did not explain the weakness issue.
I was so scared over this that I made a emergency appt with a neurologist who confirmed that he saw the fasciculations, and that my left arm 'seemed' weak when testing it. He tested my legs, arms, tried to elicit fasciculations, tested my reflexes, checked my tongue. He diagnosed me with BFS and told me that it is basically the IBS of the neurologic community, it is a abbreviation for.....something they don't understand but know it is benign and chronic...but then followed it up with "but, anxiety doesn't cause or exacerbate it". Good to know!
I went home, feeling somewhat satisfied and also extremely unsatisfied. I felt that it did not explain this weakness in my arm. After a few weeks, something had happened in my life that completely distracted me from this worry. In that time, I realized suddenly that my twitches were 90% gone, my weakness was gone, I couldn't believe it. This was over a year ago and I can still say the same now. I truly TRULY believe that, if indeed BFS was the cause of this, then anxiety created BFS. I think that doctors don't truly understand what stress and anxiety really can do in terms of symptoms, sensations. We have only recently kinda tapped into the brain and what it can do. I think there is a lot left to be learned in terms of physical manifestations of anxiety.