icanz
08-02-18, 02:30
First of all, I just have to say this is my first time ever doing a thing like this.
Posting an open letter on the internet, even though it's behind an anonymous nickname I'm feeling anxious...
I guess I just fell in here, a bit lost in the moment. There has been so much happening lately, it's kinda hard to start anywhere.
I'm in my mid twenties, with a good job just recovered from a 3 year sick leave related to a back injury and surgery that went to shit. (9 months since I was cleared well physical wise.) Me and my ex were planning for a comfort normal life in 2013 with a regular job, a place to stay with kids. We got with child in 2014, but we lost it. Suddenly reality hit us, hard. We've been struggling with my injury for years and when everything was getting better she got the message she has very twisted uterine tubes, which meant we might loose the next as well. This was enough to crush us. We each moved our way, I abroad... She stayed.
I still have chronic pain in my sciatica and been self medicating on weed heavily since late 2014. I've always smoked weed, but not to this extent.
I've been a former drug addict so accepting morphine on prescription was out of the question.
When I was a child I had heavy anxiety which got so bad I locked myself in my room for a year, never went out. I guess I still do in one kind of a way, I just moved abroad and got this amazing job in a sunny country.
But still all I do is stay inside, I feel terrified of people. I know we all are just placed here with no saying. That we all build up our perspective of reality based on our experiences. So I don't mean offense by saying this, but I feel most people are vicious. Most people would anything to get what's their. That's at least my experience.
I've been searching for affiliation for my entire life, a place I can feel at home and people I can connect too. It's not that I'm that weird, I do get quick connections to people. But I always feel alone, like I'm so lost in my own perspective of things that it cannot be reverted.
I can't breathe, I imagine my self various of medical conditions. I know it's my anxiety, but still I'm terrified of dying here alone in my nice apartment without anyone in this world knowing me.
Is there anyone else that feels this way?
Posting an open letter on the internet, even though it's behind an anonymous nickname I'm feeling anxious...
I guess I just fell in here, a bit lost in the moment. There has been so much happening lately, it's kinda hard to start anywhere.
I'm in my mid twenties, with a good job just recovered from a 3 year sick leave related to a back injury and surgery that went to shit. (9 months since I was cleared well physical wise.) Me and my ex were planning for a comfort normal life in 2013 with a regular job, a place to stay with kids. We got with child in 2014, but we lost it. Suddenly reality hit us, hard. We've been struggling with my injury for years and when everything was getting better she got the message she has very twisted uterine tubes, which meant we might loose the next as well. This was enough to crush us. We each moved our way, I abroad... She stayed.
I still have chronic pain in my sciatica and been self medicating on weed heavily since late 2014. I've always smoked weed, but not to this extent.
I've been a former drug addict so accepting morphine on prescription was out of the question.
When I was a child I had heavy anxiety which got so bad I locked myself in my room for a year, never went out. I guess I still do in one kind of a way, I just moved abroad and got this amazing job in a sunny country.
But still all I do is stay inside, I feel terrified of people. I know we all are just placed here with no saying. That we all build up our perspective of reality based on our experiences. So I don't mean offense by saying this, but I feel most people are vicious. Most people would anything to get what's their. That's at least my experience.
I've been searching for affiliation for my entire life, a place I can feel at home and people I can connect too. It's not that I'm that weird, I do get quick connections to people. But I always feel alone, like I'm so lost in my own perspective of things that it cannot be reverted.
I can't breathe, I imagine my self various of medical conditions. I know it's my anxiety, but still I'm terrified of dying here alone in my nice apartment without anyone in this world knowing me.
Is there anyone else that feels this way?