How has your HA distorted reality?

[CG5246]

I think this might be a good thread for those of us suffering from HA to look at just how much our HA, and others' HA, has distorted what we see and think. I know for me, my HA convinces me that these things I'm seeing and thinking and feeling are real and they are real problems, and I can't see things rationally until 2, 3, 4 visits to the doctor later.

So I'm hoping we can all look at this thread and realize, ah, these other people's HA completely distorted what they saw and felt, maybe my HA is blowing things out of proportion as well.

For me, I had a chest x-ray and was told all was normal. I looked at the x-ray and saw some white dots. I forgot to ask the doctors about them. Then I went home and ruminated about them and worried about them. In my head, I remembered seeing an outline of a circle of white dots in the upper right chest area. There were at least 10 white dots. Then a few days later in my head it changed to an entire circle filled with white dots,and there were more than 10 white dots. I googled of course bad idea! I spent a good 2 hours looking at chest x-rays online. And then I think, oh no, there shouldn't be white dots there! And white dots = some kind of growth, so cancer!! Why did the doctors tell me my chest x-ray was normal?! And the spiral continued.

I ended up going to the radiology center to look at the x-ray again and they pulled it up for me, and...it looked nothing like I remembered it. There were no white dots at all in my upper right chest area. There were more like 3-4 white dots total and they were exactly where they should be, and my doctor explained they were all pulmonary veins/arteries. Totally normal.

But I was amazed at how much my HA/mind distorted what I saw! Another example was when I was worried about lymph nodes. They felt so much bigger than they actually were when they got measured by doctors.

What are some ways that HA has distorted what you saw/felt/thought?

[budgie1979]

My HA is constantly distorting reality. For a while, I was convinced I had double vision due to a brain tumor. What was really going on, is I became hyper aware of my normal binocular vision. It was like my brain forgot it was supposed to take the images my eyes were seeing and translate them into a single image. Once I stopped obsessing over it, my vision went back to normal but I had a rough few months of having trouble reading and even watching tv because of this distortion.

On a more general note, my HA makes me entirely unable to accurately understand statistics. I feel like dying of x, y or z is way more prevalent than it actually is. For example, the flu that is going around in the US right now. We keep getting news reports about how many people are dying of it, and my brain translates that into "if you get the flu, there is a high likelihood you will die, " when that isn't the case at all. Yes, more people are dying than an average flu season, but people die every year from the flu and the statistical likelihood of a healthy person my age dying from the flu is still super low. It's just that my anxiety makes me believe I'm going to be in the unlucky 1% (which is why I've also "had" hantavirus, rabies, tetanus, etc.).

[CG5246]

My HA is constantly distorting reality. For a while, I was convinced I had double vision due to a brain tumor. What was really going on, is I became hyper aware of my normal binocular vision. It was like my brain forgot it was supposed to take the images my eyes were seeing and translate them into a single image. Once I stopped obsessing over it, my vision went back to normal but I had a rough few months of having trouble reading and even watching tv because of this distortion.

On a more general note, my HA makes me entirely unable to accurately understand statistics. I feel like dying of x, y or z is way more prevalent than it actually is. For example, the flu that is going around in the US right now. We keep getting news reports about how many people are dying of it, and my brain translates that into "if you get the flu, there is a high likelihood you will die, " when that isn't the case at all. Yes, more people are dying than an average flu season, but people die every year from the flu and the statistical likelihood of a healthy person my age dying from the flu is still super low. It's just that my anxiety makes me believe I'm going to be in the unlucky 1% (which is why I've also "had" hantavirus, rabies, tetanus, etc.).

I think I know what you're referring to with the vision thing. When I was convinced I had a brain tumor since I had headaches constantly and dizziness/off-balance feelings, I started analyzing my vision big time too. Suddenly I noticed all the eye floaters that you would normally not pay attention to and I started trying to figure out if I had double vision too, and I was overanalyzing it to the point that I was questioning whether or not I had double vision and then later figured out that I don't have double vision. Also, after I had a brain MRI and it was confirmed that I did NOT have a brain tumor, my headaches disappeared. Basically I figured out that I had been concentrating on my headaches so much that I caused more headaches. Go figure.

I'm the same with statistics. In my head:"Well someone has to be that ONE person in a ten thousand!" Or something like that. Of course it would be me! But my therapist has pointed out that this is just my negative belief system from my childhood.

I have also noticed now that I'm in my anxiety spiral for the past 5 months that I suddenly am concerned about things that I have been aware of for a couple years or more. Suddenly something that I had previously chalked up to the trauma of giving birth is suddenly something sinister, even though I've been aware of this for more than 2 years.

[Halle0587]

My HA is constantly distorting reality. For a while, I was convinced I had double vision due to a brain tumor. What was really going on, is I became hyper aware of my normal binocular vision. It was like my brain forgot it was supposed to take the images my eyes were seeing and translate them into a single image. Once I stopped obsessing over it, my vision went back to normal but I had a rough few months of having trouble reading and even watching tv because of this distortion.

On a more general note, my HA makes me entirely unable to accurately understand statistics. I feel like dying of x, y or z is way more prevalent than it actually is. For example, the flu that is going around in the US right now. We keep getting news reports about how many people are dying of it, and my brain translates that into "if you get the flu, there is a high likelihood you will die, " when that isn't the case at all. Yes, more people are dying than an average flu season, but people die every year from the flu and the statistical likelihood of a healthy person my age dying from the flu is still super low. It's just that my anxiety makes me believe I'm going to be in the unlucky 1% (which is why I've also "had" hantavirus, rabies, tetanus, etc.).


Exactly with statistics! Couldn’t have been more accurate for me.

Distorting for me has become the physical symptoms of anxiety. Since they are new to me I feel like it is a heart attack, stoke, etc. When my left arm goes numb and my left cheek is numb with tingles, then he next day it’s shoulder blade pain, followed a few days later with a tense neck and jaw pain. It’s hard not to think these are symptoms of a heart attack especially having never had physical symptoms outside of an actual panic attack. When fellow anxiety sufferers tell me, “I get that all the time, it’s truly anxiety.” I find myself wondering if I explained the pain correctly because surely no one with “just” anxiety has felt this pain. It’s a terrible cycle.

[Fishmanpa]

Just as an example of this. How many times have you seen a node thread where the poster says they have "swollen" nodes when in reality they're actually not at all? Using the word "swollen" is just a way to affirm their fear.

Positive thoughts

[Tiatyrah]

Just as an example of this. How many times have you seen a node thread where the poster says they have "swollen" nodes when in reality they're actually not at all? Using the word "swollen" is just a way to affirm their fear.

Positive thoughts

That is true Fishmanpa, I think websites messes up our heads when some websites say that when you can actual feel a node it means it is already swollen. But many threads here about nodes and I think the most of us keeps being worried while there are so many others with the same!