Not happy in my relationship but scared to lose friendship

[sadtimes]

I know this isn’t anxiety related but the people on this website are always really comforting and give good advice and I don’t really want to talk to anyone in real life about this.
Basically my boyfriend is my best friend, we’ve been together almost two years and we’ve always had the most fun together and he’s the only person I love spending so much time with and the only person I want to do stuff like travelling with but the truth is I’m very unhappy in the relationship. We’ve been long distant for 7 months, and we have another 7 months left. We drift apart completely, our connection and bond is completely gone and to be completely honest, it’s made me realise that it’s not what I want anymore but whenever we talk about breaking up (he’s unhappy too) we stay together because I really don’t want to lose him as a person and my friend and I know from previous experience that it doesn’t matter how well you end it, it’s very hard to stay friends, especially long distant. I know that fundamentally, inevitably I am unhappy and do want to break up but I just can’t end it out of fear of losing him, I sometimes sit there shouting at myself in my head that he deserves better, to be with someone who truly wants to be with him and he can be happy with and that I’m being selfish for keeping him in this relationship because of our friendship. I don’t really know what to do, I feel like a terrible person because I feel like at this stage I’m just messing him about. I don’t even really know what I’m asking of you guys to do for me here, I guess it’s just to provide some advice

[MyNameIsTerry]

Distance relationships can bring their distractions, I've been in one too.

I think they can make your mind wander a bit and the true measure of how you feel is when the person comes back and whether it feels right to you? That's how I've felt but I can completely understand the opposite where a relationship is too all encompassing and you realise you have other opportunities in life when you have a forced break like this.

You may lose a friend but unfortunately that's a bit beyond your control. You may not, you may both pass through it and become friends again later. But it is important not to settle out of losing that if holds you both back. If you have no ties (kids, mortgage, etc) then you have more opportunities.

Perhaps when you are both together you need to work on having more space to cultivate other friends & interests? Perhaps then it will feel more balanced?

[WiseMonkey]

Hi I agree with Terry and I've also had one. It only lasted 4 months thanks goodness.

I found that there are too many things that can go under the radar and you're just not there to be part of it. I guess these are the distractions!

Don't be scare of breaking the contact, universal law states that the right person can't get in when you're holding onto the wrong one. I've found this to be true. There's always something else around the next corner :)

Good luck with it all :)