Panicking because of new challenges

[sunset_5]

Hi everyone,

I am feeling completely paralised at the moment only at the thought of the things coming up this week.

On Friday I am taking my driving test. I know it is not the end of the world if I fail but it is more the exam setting that is scaring me than the actual result.

Same for the day after: I am meeting my boyfriend's family, and as I am shy and I don't know what to say I am dreading it, but also more the feeling "exposed" part than actually being scared they won't like me.

The thought of it makes me feel sick now and I really don't know how to calm my nerves and see these things as what they actually are: something good...

[ana]

Remember that the anticipation of an event is always WAY WORSE than the actual event itself.
Try and take it one day at a time, one thing at a time. I'm well-familiar with anticipatory anxiety as my mind is always in the future, always thinking about tomorrow and the day after and the day after... till it completely paralyses me and disables me to function in the moment! :weep:

Both things are something good, but a lot of people fear change. Positive or negative, it's change, and positive stress is still stress. I'd suggest focusing on today: do something enjoyable, try and push the worries of the days to come aside. Imagine you've only got today. Make the most of it. :)

[Munki]

I can relate to this WHOLLY! Wow, not only do you have one thing to overcome, you have two! Right, a driving test is enough to petrify the life out of any soul. I've seen even the calmest of people terrified at the prospect. I think its important to say, don't worry about the outcome! Naturally, you want to pass and get it over and done with, never to be repeated. However, I didn't pass first time and I'm sure many others didn't. Don't be hard on yourself about that.

I can totally relate to the 'being scared at the event' rather than the outcome. Once you've got through it you can almost breathe out and say 'wow, I got through it, regardless of the outcome'. So...based on that, you really have a win win. You'll get through this test and you can feel incredibly proud when you do!

Meeting parents. Loads of people are shy! Its not an illness, or a syndrome, its a character. They aren't going to put you on the spot and make you answer 20 questions. I assure you that you'll have a lovely time and be so proud when you've done it.

As for what to do in the meantime, that's tougher. I too am trying to establish this one. So if anyone has any wisdom, I too would appreciate it :)

You go, girl!

[sunset_5]

Thanks for your replies :) you are both right of course. No matter what the outcome will be, I will get through it. And yes, the anticipation is always the worst. I remember I also had that a lot when I had to give presentations at school or uni, I was scared for days before but at some point once the day had arrived I really just wanted to get it over with asap. I think it will be the same here :)

So in the meantime I guess all there is to do is to try and "live in the moment". Be more mindful and not think about the future but really take one day at a time. In theory, it seems so easy though, and it is not at all the case in practice^^ I will try to do some mindfulness meditation and hope it will help :)

[ana]

You know, even if you fail 9/10 times, that one time you succeeded to focus on the moment and live in the present makes a huge difference. :)

Let us know how you get on!

[Munki]

I'm going through the same with a business venture myself. I'm terrified of next week!!!

[ana]

Sounds like there's more of us. We can do this together, you know. It's nice to know you're not alone. :)

[sunset_5]

Oh Munki I had no idea!!! So we are in the same boat now really. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, and remember, you can also be proud of yourself, no matter what the outcome of the business venture will be. It is very brave to even try.
And yup Ana I agree. It's nice to know you're not alone. Knowing that other people can relate makes me feel a little more "sane" again. Sometimes I feel like I am losing all control because of this stupid anxiety.

Well... a little more than 3 hours to go now until I have one last driving lesson plus the exam right after. I just can't wait for it to be over. And I do hope I will get it ;) But for the moment, I only feel a little bit anxious so I hope it stays that way... Will keep you posted how it goes!

[Croydonbee]

Good luck with the test. You'll pass when the time is right. Just do your best.
As for meeting the parents, that would terrify me too, in case of awkwardness and exposure. I'm sure your BF will help you. Talk to him about it. And remember, people like to talk about themselves, so ask THEM questions and the time will hopefully fly by.

[ana]

Good luck! Stay focused on what you're doing and have faith in yourself. :)

[sunset_5]

Sooo... unfortunately I failed my driving test^^ I think I was really too nervous. I felt as if I'd never driven before, it was horrible... :( so I have to take 8 more hours and see how it goes next. Until then, I better find a way to calm my nerves!!!

But at least meeting my boyfriend's family went better than I thought. I have a good feeling about it :)

[ana]

Aw I'm sorry you failed. :(
Maybe, however, it's for the best as there is no harm in taking extra lessons. Being a good driver has all to do with practice.

Glad to hear meeting your boyfriend's family went well! Told you it was going to be better than what you imagined it would. :)

[sunset_5]

Yup. Thank you :) I always know that I will likely end up saying "why did I worry about it so much in the first place?" but it doesn't stop me from getting all overwhelmed about it^^

[ana]

Haha I completely relate to that!
I saw my therapist this morning, and she suggested writing positive affirmations in a notebook I always carry in my bag. It's actually a really good idea as I remember finding it useful to write down my successes and victories in my little 'exposure book' once, so maybe it's something you could try, too, to remind yourself that anticipatory anxiety is far FAR worse than anything that actually ends up happening in reality. :)

[sunset_5]

That is a really good idea Ana. I will try it! Thanks for sharing :)

[ana]

Sure! It really does work, you know. I'm surprised by how much it works. 16 years of therapy and medication, and all I needed was a notebook. :roflmao: