Frustrated with my health anxiety

[Ed2468]

Hi all

I am new to this forum and thought I can share my experience - probably won't help anyone but maybe putting my feelings in writing will give me some perspective.

I have been struggling with health anxiety for about 2 years. I am 40 years old and 'healthy', gym 3-5 times per week.

My trigger was my mother passing away 2 years ago as a result of Lymphoma cancer. We have never before had cancer in the family and I was oblivious to any potential health issues.

To give you an idea, over the past 2 years I have been for the following:

1) Colonoscopy/Gastroscopy - was convinced I had colon cancer so went for tests at the GP (who said all is fine), but still I went to a Gastroentorologist to perform a colonoscopy and gastroscopy. All results were fine
2) Had a very slight pain in my hip - convinced it was some cancer of the hip. In a panic I went for physio session after session. 'Problem' cleared up in 6 months.
3) Had this scratchy feeling in my throat - obviously throat cancer. After a general checkup at the GP I got the all clear. Obviously this was not enough so off to the ENT specialist I went who gave me the all clear (and said my issue seems to be health anxiety rather than anything else).
4) Abscess in my gums - obviously something seriously wrong. Ended up having a root canal and problem solved.
5) A dodgy looking mole on my back. Panicked because it has to be skin cancer. Off to the dermatologist who gave me the all clear.
6) Panicked because my left ear is not hearing as good as the right ear. I do shooting on the range (not always with ear protection) so after a GP visit and an audiologist visit they stated the obvious to me.
7) Today I noticed a tiny abscess under my tongue, with a red 'halo' around it. Now I am freaking out that it is oral cancer. The oral hygienist said it is 'canker' which is a simple infection that clears up on its won. Then went to the dentist who said the same. Then went to the GP who said it should clear up in about 2 weeks and if it doesn't I need to come back.
Why am I freaking out and can;t just take things at face value?

I am on medication for anxiety (Talamil) and have tried CBT with a psychologist with limited success.

I am so frustrated with myself and just wish I could have a 'don;t care' attitude with regards to health issues. Life is great when I don;t have any symptoms but it really is unbearable when I have these symptoms that keep milling around in my mind.

Would appreciate any advice/resources etc that may have worked for some forum members.

Thank you!

Eddie

[Kark1970]

Hi Ed,

I'm new to this forum as well, and I am also in my forties (47).

Sorry you are going through Health Anxiety, it is a real, tangible thing, I had my last bad attack (prior to my current one) around 18 months ago, where I was comnvinced I had Bowel Cancer. My dad had it around two years ago, and it seems fairly obvious to me now that this was one of my triggers, I got tested and results were negative. He's now69 and all clear!

One of the other big triggers for me was watching the process of my partners mum's Cancer over the few years until she lost the battle. I believe this more than anything had the greatest effect on me, and left me very sad. I think as we age and these things occur (older relatives passing) we become more aware of our own mortality and time on the planet, this is also made even more potent when you have kids, for obvious reasons.

So I think this has obviously had a profound effect on you, and it can be easy to be dismissive of this sometimes, blokes tend to bottle it up a bit. Although I didn't do it myself, one thing that occurs to me is grief councelling, may that be of some help?

I also went through CBT, and found that it to be not as useful as I would have liked. I found that what really worked for me was believing truly that I was OK (believing test results), and that it was anxiety talking, which I know currently is far more easily said than done!

Time, that was the other thing, the days, weeks and months pass and it just gets better. All the other stuff you probably know, keep healthy, sleep well, eat well etc, and don't give up on the things you enjoy doing (something I am Very guilty of!)

There's some great help and resource here, I am confident others will share their experience.

Stick it out you Will get there!! :)

[ktdid2000]

Hi Eddie, sorry you are going through this. :(

Health anxiety is a real nightmare. I started struggling when I was 18. Now that I'm in my mid-30s I feel like things are actually starting to happen in people my age. It was easier to dismiss it when I was younger. I've had a couple of friends have to fight with cancer and one is now stage 4 - she has 2 young kids and I couldn't feel more bad for her. She's handling it well, but it's hard to stomach these things happening and it definitely makes you scared for it to happen to you!

My family dosen't handle aging well mentally. All my older family members have lived into their 90s but worried they were on death's door since 60. I guess I get my health anxiety honestly! I know how it feels to think that you'll be the "one" to get hit with something awful. The only advice I can offer is to know that at least for today you are healthy and that sometimes people who have terminal or life-threatening illnesses are the people who understand how to cherish each day you are healthy way more than us healthy folks!