Audrey2018
21-02-18, 07:45
I’ve had depression and weight issues growing up, but about 6.5 years ago, I lost 50 lbs and looked/felt great! I was tiny and kept the weight off for 4 years. I was dedicated, didn’t look to food as an answer, and just felt healthier. I felt independent and ready to enjoy life...always.
Well I ended up getting into a bad car accident, where my life flashed before my eyes and I never looked at life the same. A girl fell asleep while driving and crashed into the back of my car going about 100mph. I was told by everyone at the scene it was a miracle I survived. My phone flew from my car and I had to get a ride home from the tow truck driver since everyone I knew wouldn’t pick up their phone at 3am.
Ever since then, I’ve changed. I never noticed it until recently when I really dug deep into my inner issues. After my accident, I started gaining weight. I was eating, I was seeing people, I was going to events...but not in an enjoyable way. It was almost in a goodbye kind of way. I started viewing life like “what if I die tomorrow?” Every restaurant I went to, I had to order everything I wanted. Why? Because what if I die tomorrow or never get to come back to this restaurant?
I got into a relationship and it was tough. I latched onto him almost. What if I die when he’s gone at work? We have now been together for over two years and he’s very understanding, but I can’t help but rush things. In my mind I’m thinking “We need to get married and have kids soon. What if I don’t live for another five years? I need to fulfill the things I want in life NOW.” He always tells me everything I want to do is rushed and I was never this way before the accident. I always have been an over thinker but now I’m thinking a lot more about him being unfaithful and cheating and ruining my lifetime with him. I know he’d never cheat but I feel more paranoid now as well.
I’ve been wanting to workout and get fit again but I’m also stuck in the battle of what if I die as soon as I get fit? It would’ve been for nothing.
I hate being alone now. When I’m alone, I overthink and cry the entire day and stay depressed.
I’m wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or felt like they had an experience completely change their whole life. I’ve gained 50 lbs back, I keep thinking all these thoughts in my head about rushing things along with my boyfriend, and I just feel unmotivated in general because of this fear.
Well I ended up getting into a bad car accident, where my life flashed before my eyes and I never looked at life the same. A girl fell asleep while driving and crashed into the back of my car going about 100mph. I was told by everyone at the scene it was a miracle I survived. My phone flew from my car and I had to get a ride home from the tow truck driver since everyone I knew wouldn’t pick up their phone at 3am.
Ever since then, I’ve changed. I never noticed it until recently when I really dug deep into my inner issues. After my accident, I started gaining weight. I was eating, I was seeing people, I was going to events...but not in an enjoyable way. It was almost in a goodbye kind of way. I started viewing life like “what if I die tomorrow?” Every restaurant I went to, I had to order everything I wanted. Why? Because what if I die tomorrow or never get to come back to this restaurant?
I got into a relationship and it was tough. I latched onto him almost. What if I die when he’s gone at work? We have now been together for over two years and he’s very understanding, but I can’t help but rush things. In my mind I’m thinking “We need to get married and have kids soon. What if I don’t live for another five years? I need to fulfill the things I want in life NOW.” He always tells me everything I want to do is rushed and I was never this way before the accident. I always have been an over thinker but now I’m thinking a lot more about him being unfaithful and cheating and ruining my lifetime with him. I know he’d never cheat but I feel more paranoid now as well.
I’ve been wanting to workout and get fit again but I’m also stuck in the battle of what if I die as soon as I get fit? It would’ve been for nothing.
I hate being alone now. When I’m alone, I overthink and cry the entire day and stay depressed.
I’m wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or felt like they had an experience completely change their whole life. I’ve gained 50 lbs back, I keep thinking all these thoughts in my head about rushing things along with my boyfriend, and I just feel unmotivated in general because of this fear.