Pulse Checking?

[Steampunk]

I feel like im going insane checking my pulse all the time.

Constantly doing the 'set a timer for 15 seconds and count how many thuds I have then times it by 4'

The worst thing is, usually its in the 60's which is perfect, but no, my brain is still paranoid. And heaven forbid it goes into the 80's (even though yes I know 60-100 is fine and dandy).
Constantly check and i've even been tempted to get a fitbit just to check my pulse it's gross.

I think i'm partly paranoid about it because my mum (32 at the time) passed away suddenly from a hole in her heart (Granted she smoked for years and was still actively smoking too), I was checked when it happened but im sure thye told me to be checked again when i was around the age i am now, yet i'm so terrified of actually having it and giving up on life that I'm too scared to go ask for the check to be done.

So instead im constantly thinking something is wrong so i check my pulse all the time.

I've even googled (I know) the symtoms for congenital heart defects and I have NONE of the symtoms but that doesn't even stop my panic and worry. Infact I've felt healthier the past 6 months but it still doesn't stop my panic.

I know the solution might be to go get the test done but im so scared of them finding something or even going through with the test that it scares me to do it.

I dont wanna end up in the same position she did but Im scared of the test :(

Not even managed to have any CBT yet, first appointment for high intensity is in March, was ment to have it later last year but it was normal CBT, was instantly moved to the higher level which ment waiting list, blagh.

[Confetti]

Hello, I think if you're rabid with this terribly invasive topic, you have all the symptoms known to man down chained and clanking in your head enough at this point and can tell when you're in danger, I am sure you would realize it's a different ballpark to the awful anxious expectations of being in danger. You definitely should go to the doctors and express your concern and have the necessary tests ran, it's in your family so it is definitely something that should be done, even if you had no logical cause for concern, I would say ask the doctor what they thought, they would certainly identify the anxiety as particularly harsh on you and go from there. I'm sorry your mother died so young, that's appalling and I can see why it's always on your mind, I am constantly checking my pulse and expecting to get a big heart attack, even when I've been active and have reason to be up in the numbers I convince myself it means something's wrong!