bg222
25-02-18, 00:43
Hello all, it's been a long time since I've been on this forum which is a good thing! After suffering from some serious HA (and resulting depression) a few years ago, I've been doing really well for the most part. I had a healthy pregnancy and a pretty smooth delivery of my first baby this past fall, something I never thought I would have been able to get through back during the days of my severe HA. BUT, some recent events have led me back into debilitating anxiety and I'm here to try to get some perspective.
I struggled a lot after my baby was born with lots of breastfeeding problems, severe sleep deprivation, feeling isolated and trapped at home during a horrible cold winter with a new baby. I don't think I had PPD at any point - just had an especially difficult adjustment period to having a new baby. Then just when things started to improve, I ran into some major problems with my employer being terrible/discriminatory towards me as I was trying to return to my job. It was incredibly stressful and took a month before it was resolved and I found a different, much better part-time job. THEN, just as that work situation was finally starting to resolve, I discovered a bulge on the front of my right thigh. It is a visible large rounded bulge, a few inches by a few inches. I was freaked out since I knew blood clots could be a bigger risk in the first few months postpartum. I was 3 months postpartum, but was still worried about it enough that I went in to urgent care. They took an x-ray and did an ultrasound, which showed no blood clot or blood problems, but revealed a very tiny (6mm x 8mm) "fatty" looking deposit that they said was probably a lipoma. I had no pain or redness in the area, so they said just monitor it. "Monitor it" - the worst advice that could ever be given to someone with health anxiety.
Well, it's been a few weeks now, and in the last few days I've been starting to notice some feeling in the area. I wouldn't say it's "pain" exactly, but definitely some achiness and discomfort in the lump area and down the front of my thigh towards my knee. The bulge doesn't seem to have changed much in size, if at all. I'm panicked because everything I know about lipomas is that they're very slow-growing, can be moved, aren't painful, etc. This bulge came on so suddenly, out of nowhere, and is large enough that it's a visible bulge on my thigh. Now that I'm having some discomfort I'm so freaked out it is something bad, cancerous, etc. that is growing rapidly. My mind has gone off the deep end of "what ifs".
I haven't had any trauma to the area that I can remember, except that I've noticed that spot on my leg presses hard into the edge of the changing table every time I'm changing my baby's diaper. I'm sure that's just a weird coincidence though. I gained about 35lbs during pregnancy and had lost almost all of it by 2 months postpartum, so I wondered if having such a fast weight gain and weight loss could have caused some kind of weird fat situation? I'm pretty skinny so these were pretty significant changes up and down for me.
I know my anxiety is so much worse with having a new baby, too. Not only am I stressed about getting adjusted to everything with the new baby, but I'm also having severe anxiety/depression about the thought that I could have something major wrong with me just as I'm starting the phase of life of having this wonderful new little baby in my life that I love so much. It's caused me to seriously spiral out of control. All I can think about is my leg and how freaked out I am about it. It's really causing some depression feelings to start creeping in, too. I'm having trouble being present to my husband or my baby or at work. The sleep deprivation of having a new baby is also compounding the stress. All the usual ways I'd normally try to cope with the HA are not available because of the hectic-ness of having a new baby and working and not sleeping.
I asked the doctor about having a follow-up ultrasound to see if anything has changed, so I'll find out this week if she thinks I should do that. I also have my annual physical this coming week, so I will talk to the doctor about it then, too.
I guess I'm just a wreck and feeling desperate and am just looking for some help and perspective from the community here. Thanks for reading.
I struggled a lot after my baby was born with lots of breastfeeding problems, severe sleep deprivation, feeling isolated and trapped at home during a horrible cold winter with a new baby. I don't think I had PPD at any point - just had an especially difficult adjustment period to having a new baby. Then just when things started to improve, I ran into some major problems with my employer being terrible/discriminatory towards me as I was trying to return to my job. It was incredibly stressful and took a month before it was resolved and I found a different, much better part-time job. THEN, just as that work situation was finally starting to resolve, I discovered a bulge on the front of my right thigh. It is a visible large rounded bulge, a few inches by a few inches. I was freaked out since I knew blood clots could be a bigger risk in the first few months postpartum. I was 3 months postpartum, but was still worried about it enough that I went in to urgent care. They took an x-ray and did an ultrasound, which showed no blood clot or blood problems, but revealed a very tiny (6mm x 8mm) "fatty" looking deposit that they said was probably a lipoma. I had no pain or redness in the area, so they said just monitor it. "Monitor it" - the worst advice that could ever be given to someone with health anxiety.
Well, it's been a few weeks now, and in the last few days I've been starting to notice some feeling in the area. I wouldn't say it's "pain" exactly, but definitely some achiness and discomfort in the lump area and down the front of my thigh towards my knee. The bulge doesn't seem to have changed much in size, if at all. I'm panicked because everything I know about lipomas is that they're very slow-growing, can be moved, aren't painful, etc. This bulge came on so suddenly, out of nowhere, and is large enough that it's a visible bulge on my thigh. Now that I'm having some discomfort I'm so freaked out it is something bad, cancerous, etc. that is growing rapidly. My mind has gone off the deep end of "what ifs".
I haven't had any trauma to the area that I can remember, except that I've noticed that spot on my leg presses hard into the edge of the changing table every time I'm changing my baby's diaper. I'm sure that's just a weird coincidence though. I gained about 35lbs during pregnancy and had lost almost all of it by 2 months postpartum, so I wondered if having such a fast weight gain and weight loss could have caused some kind of weird fat situation? I'm pretty skinny so these were pretty significant changes up and down for me.
I know my anxiety is so much worse with having a new baby, too. Not only am I stressed about getting adjusted to everything with the new baby, but I'm also having severe anxiety/depression about the thought that I could have something major wrong with me just as I'm starting the phase of life of having this wonderful new little baby in my life that I love so much. It's caused me to seriously spiral out of control. All I can think about is my leg and how freaked out I am about it. It's really causing some depression feelings to start creeping in, too. I'm having trouble being present to my husband or my baby or at work. The sleep deprivation of having a new baby is also compounding the stress. All the usual ways I'd normally try to cope with the HA are not available because of the hectic-ness of having a new baby and working and not sleeping.
I asked the doctor about having a follow-up ultrasound to see if anything has changed, so I'll find out this week if she thinks I should do that. I also have my annual physical this coming week, so I will talk to the doctor about it then, too.
I guess I'm just a wreck and feeling desperate and am just looking for some help and perspective from the community here. Thanks for reading.