PLEASE HELP AND READ. Anxiety back and not going away

[anxietygirl27]

Warning - this is going to be a long one!

Hi, everyone! I have posted in the HA forums from time to time but never here. Please excuse the extremely long post and THANK YOU to anyone who takes the time to read it and provide help, suggestions or even just commiseration to any of it.

I am 27 years old and have struggled with severe anxiety, panic attacks and some POCD (i just feel like they all morph into one honestly) for literally as long as I can remember. It's ALWAYS been something, and it cycles in fears. For example when I was younger I had panic about being gay (I actually lol about that now because who cares), I go through phases where i have serious HA, and other times just run of the mill anxiety symptoms. However, ALL (especially the HA) of my anxieties and fears steam from a crippling, horrible fear of death.

I know we all struggle with it, but for as long as I can remember, if I think too hard about it I spin into an absolute tail spin of a panic attack. The first time it happened I was probably 5 or 6. When I was ten, I went through a period of 2 weeks probably where I was terrified to fall asleep because i was afraid i wouldn't wake up. I am not going to go through typing my specific fears and issues with it as it will trigger myself further and I am finally starting to calm down a bit.

Anyway, there's my background info if you're still reading through lol. Recently, probably the last 2 weeks, it has been nearly non stop. It's such a cycle, too - I started having what I call "mini" panic attacks when i would try to go to sleep, then I started dreading going to sleep because I anticipated them, it started to seep into the day time and now i literally can barely function.

I NEED help to cope. I am getting married in September, my parents are moving closer and I should be moving into a new condo in the next couple of weeks - I am incapable of being excited about ANYTHING right now and just feel a constant sense of doom and gloom.

I need help to break this cycle - right now the only relief I get is when I am busy at work or out having fun with some alcohol which I know is a slippery slope. This is probably the worst bout of anxiety I've had in a decade, and I need help to break through this so I can get back to my fun and lighthearted self.

Here is what I am trying / working with so far -

- Exercise. I have been unable to convince myself to exercise the last two weeks but I booked a hot yoga class for tomorrow morning in hopes it will set me up for a relaxing day.
- Xanax. Lol. I am picking up my prescription on Tuesday and will be able to at least reach for that if I feel the panic building. I feel like part of the issue is I constantly feel on the brink of a panic attack all day so my body and nervous system are just wrecked.


Thank you to anyone who reads this. I think it was just some what cathartic typing it all out because I actually feel a little more calm right now!

[Bobbinapples]

You have so many positive things going for you currently in your life right now it seems. Not to say that you don't have anything to worry about - i totally understand the sleep issues, and naturally getting married is a great anxiety inducer anyway.

Actually, I have suffered through alot of the similar anxieties as you described (Including the Gay one, which only turned out to be half true and i still have a hard time accepting myself for it). But Enough about me,

All i can give you is my dearest well wishes that you'll make it through this and come out the other side.... Well, as the time is right ;). It sounds like you are on the right track towards releasing your HA more. I know how hard it can be to let go of that fear, but it's only going to hold you back from living the fullest life you have.

:hugs:Regards sincerely, Bobbin.

[Dormouse]

Hello!
I can totally relate to a lot of what you are talking about. I've started having issues with sleep because if I can't sleep immediately I'll just lie there getting anxious thoughts, worrying I will start panicking and then do as it's a self fulfilling prophesy. I've found having a bedtime routine helps - go to bed a while before sleeping and read to wind down. And if I don't sleep immediately, try to tell myself it doesn't matter if I have a bad nights sleep, people do all the time and are fine, it's not the end of the world and not worth worrying about (easier said than done :) )

I also have the problem of thinking I can't be happy any more and I don't get excited about things, but I've realised these are just thoughts and not actually the whole truth. I'll worry my anxiety will ruin a fun occasion, but in actual fact I usually forget about it for most the time and do enjoy myself. It's easy to focus on the bad stuff. I'm sure when your wedding actually arrives you'll be so busy you'll be distracted from the anxiety and really enjoy it.

Try not to pay too much attention to the negative thoughts - they are often lies. You'll have a thought that 'I can't be excited any more', take it seriously, then freak about about it which builds into a horrible anxiety spiral. Noone's happy 24/7 - the anxiety just makes you really focus in on your feelings and exaggerate them rather than just going about your day. Try to keep busy with fun stuff (I like knitting when I can't function well!) and just wait for this bad period to pass. It always does. I had an awful period of 24/7 anxiety for 3 months and was convinced I would never get better, but I did. I just get periodic bad days now which I can handle. Hoping I'll be able to make them less frequent.

Good luck!

[Scass]

Could you also include breathing exercises in your routine. These are so key to stopping the panic cycle. They may seem useless at first, but if you listen every day then it’ll start to seep in. It might be a good idea to listen at night before sleep.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk