marywithanxiety
26-02-18, 18:39
Basically yesterday was one of the worst days ever, my HOCD caused me so much anxiety I couldn't look at any woman in the eye, including the people from my family and I was being rude to everyone.
I saw the movie wonder and I couldn't even enjoy it because my brain wanted to convince me that the kids had some sort of homosexual friendship? KIDS. I cant believe its been so long i cant remember what true frienships look like.
i broke down, had a full fledged panic attack and my mom kept repeating that no matter my sexual orientation, she would love me anyways and I just couldnt hear it, it was so unbareable I couldnt stop crying and she assured me that I wasn't then. Because homosexual people don't doubt themselves. They just know.
And I knew I don't want to be gay.
(Gosh, it even was awful to type that last word).
I managed to relax but i was still on a herbal anti anxiety pill that didnt work because i managed to throw up everything i have eaten because of the level of stress.
My mother tried to convince me that its okay to hug, but i was still really anxious about it.
I managed to fall asleep thinking that it was gonna be okay. The name of the page is Mood Smith, just type "Mood Smith HOCD" and it'll be there. That helped me sleep, everything I read was pretty accurate and there's even a test you can take to be sure.
But I woke up today extremely defenseless, I was back at the start again but with no anxiety. Just a lot of worry that It didn't feel as scary and that really keeps me off balance, my "crotch sensations" are coming back and I don't know what to do.
It scares me to think about myself.
Is this normal?
Enviado desde mi SM-J100MU mediante Tapatalk
I saw the movie wonder and I couldn't even enjoy it because my brain wanted to convince me that the kids had some sort of homosexual friendship? KIDS. I cant believe its been so long i cant remember what true frienships look like.
i broke down, had a full fledged panic attack and my mom kept repeating that no matter my sexual orientation, she would love me anyways and I just couldnt hear it, it was so unbareable I couldnt stop crying and she assured me that I wasn't then. Because homosexual people don't doubt themselves. They just know.
And I knew I don't want to be gay.
(Gosh, it even was awful to type that last word).
I managed to relax but i was still on a herbal anti anxiety pill that didnt work because i managed to throw up everything i have eaten because of the level of stress.
My mother tried to convince me that its okay to hug, but i was still really anxious about it.
I managed to fall asleep thinking that it was gonna be okay. The name of the page is Mood Smith, just type "Mood Smith HOCD" and it'll be there. That helped me sleep, everything I read was pretty accurate and there's even a test you can take to be sure.
But I woke up today extremely defenseless, I was back at the start again but with no anxiety. Just a lot of worry that It didn't feel as scary and that really keeps me off balance, my "crotch sensations" are coming back and I don't know what to do.
It scares me to think about myself.
Is this normal?
Enviado desde mi SM-J100MU mediante Tapatalk