Sensorimotor OCD/Conscious Breathing? Please help.

[DevilFocus]

I came into some pretty severe anxiety about 5 months or so ago and has one of my first panic attacks in a long time (I don't have a strong history of these). During the panic, my breathing was affected and I became acutely aware of it. Even after the panic was done, I haven't been able to stop thinking about/controlling my breathing. I'm able to distract away from it when I am doing something or talking to someone, sometimes. But whenever my mind becomes idle, or even sometimes when I am doing things, it just continues to snap back into my mind.

I'm not sure if this is OCD-related in my case, or just an obsessive symptom of high anxiety. I've obviously become afraid of being stuck this way, which I think is what fuels it. I've been doing everything I can to live and do things as I normally would, to just ignore this symptom completely and continue doing things that I enjoy, but the longer that I have this issue, the more I become afraid that I will be stuck this way for the rest of my life. It's very uncomfortable, because when I fall into focus of it, I have to control each breath and it drives me crazy. It's like I just can't stop thinking about it, but I know that trying to do so just causes you to fixate even more, so I just go on with my day.

I made the mistake of reading about this on google and I have read so many stories about people being stuck this way for years and that terrifies me. I'm not the type to just sit in something, so I'd like to work towards overcoming this, but I need some reassurance that you can beat this issue and that I'm not just stuck like this forever now. And as far as the OCD aspect, I don't know how to verify whether it's OCD or not. I don't feel a compulsion to breathe consciously, it just kind of happens when I am thinking about it. I try not to avoid doing anything or living my life, but I do notice that I feel the best when I am not doing the conscious breathing or when I am distracted.

If anyone has any reassurance or advice, please reply, I'd really appreciate it.

[chloevictoria_]

Hi there!

Please know that there are people who know exactly what you are going through; myself included. You are actually at a very good stage to overcome it, keep doing what you're doing and it'll fade eventually. It is so good that you have moments when it disappears. My advice would be to keep as busy as possible as this is clearly when it goes away for you. When it does come, try to tell yourself that even though it's there, it's not dangerous. I read somewhere that it's like 'mindfulness' has been hijacked. I like to think of it this way :P It's almost like your brain likes mindfulness so much it doesn't want to stop.

I had this on and off for a while after I had my first panic attack. I also had other 'obsessions' but I won't mention them here because I think they can be quite triggering, and I know people who have latched on to other people's obsessions. Once you start noticing something, it seems almost impossible to stop. What's funny is that when I had another obsession, the breathing one would go away. It's almost like you have to choose and it's torture!!

But please know that you can overcome it, even if it's distressing. I did it once and had three years of not thinking once about my breathing (apart from maybe if I was running for the bus or something haha). My anxiety unfortunately came back recently and made me agoraphobic and literally unable to even hold a conversation without having a parallel conversation in my mind about breathing. It's exhausting! My body is only just about re-adjusting to not being panicky 24/7 and I'm trying to get used to 'normal' sensations.

I absolutely detested the thought of exercise at first (I literally never do it), but I live in a very hilly city and exercise is kind of unavoidable. I got the bus most places until I decided to give it a go. Even though I hated my breathing feeling out of control, afterwards I felt better for having had exposure and knowing that everything was still fine, if that makes sense? Maybe for you doing sports in a group would help? Or doing something immediately after exposure so you're not thinking about it so much?

Just a few suggestions, hope this helped a bit!

[zacman777]

Both of your posts speak so much to me right now. I am going through this currently. It's funny because it would cause me to feel panicky sometimes, like if I didn't focus on my breathing it was going to stop. I have been taking CBD oil for the past couple of days and I feel more at ease, yet I'm having anxious thoughts about not being anxious. But I have gone through this before and I know it comes in waves so this too shall pass. I hope you both are doing well!

[chloevictoria_]

Both of your posts speak so much to me right now. I am going through this currently. It's funny because it would cause me to feel panicky sometimes, like if I didn't focus on my breathing it was going to stop. I have been taking CBD oil for the past couple of days and I feel more at ease, yet I'm having anxious thoughts about not being anxious. But I have gone through this before and I know it comes in waves so this too shall pass. I hope you both are doing well!

Hi! It's so reassuring to know there are others who are the same and know what it feels like. I feel like I'm going crazy most of the time. It's such a weird thing to obsess over!!
I have luckily recovered from the main physical symptoms of anxiety, but still get horrible thoughts about my breathing which are annoying and upsetting because I have come so far and it's almost like the anxiety is trying to hold on to something. I completely get what you mean about the anxious thoughts about not being anxious. The fact that I'm physically ok and can actually relax now completely freaks out my brain :doh:
When I had it before, it came on more when I actually felt anxious, but throughout the day would go away. This time it's 24/7, everything I do there's another 'thought stream' about breathing and it's a constant 'it's ok', 'it's not ok' dialogue in my head.

Anyway, enough about me. How are you doing? Do you have any tips to overcome it?

[zacman777]

I'm doing better overall I think. It now comes in short waves throughout the day. The waves are close together, however it's not all day. I don't really know how I cope with it. I just kind of keep moving through my day and in the back of my head keep telling myself that it is going to pass and there is going to be a point where I don't think about and obsess over my breathing. Another thing that I think would work is mindfulness meditation. That may not work for some as it does require you to focus on your breath, but you could ground yourself in something else and really focus on that. You could also try some breathing techniques like 4x4x4 breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for for) or 4X7x8 breathing (in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8). Another suggestion that I have heard of but still haven't really put into practice because it isn't short term success thing is once you start to focus on your breathing, make an effort to take control of your breath, that way YOU are in charge. I think the idea then is that it is much less scary because you've said, okay, I"m going to consciously/mindfully breath for 1, 2, or even 5 minutes, then I'm going to move on with my day.Even though you always have the power and control, this is a way to remind you. I think that is one that takes practice though. As with anything, the more you practice when you are not anxious, the better it is because you are building those new nuero pathways in your brain. I hope that helps!

[DevilFocus]

I appreciate all of the advice. Apologies for not responding sooner, I honestly forgot about this post. I really hope everyone else is doing well. You guys seem a lot stronger than I am, when I read your posts. I honestly just want reassurance that these types of obsessions don't last forever and will inevitably fade over time.

[Starryeyed]

How are you coping now with it?

[DevilFocus]

Just living my life, I guess. I don't notice it at work, which I should feel fortunate for, because I am so busy.. But I fixate more on the fact that it begins to happen as soon as I get in my car and the entire time I'm at home. I just try to make it okay that it's happening, in my head, and carry on. I feel like it's going to go away when I stop caring so much about it leaving. Not really sure what else to do.