jules321
28-02-18, 05:32
I appreciate having this site as a place to be real. I’m struggling. I want to release my anxiety. For some reason when I’m driving I feel free and able to get a birds eye view of the ridiculousness of my fears. I feel empowered when I’m
driving with thoughts like “I’m ok! If I get the flu (my trigger), then it will suck but I will be ok. I need to live life, I won’t let it hold me down, I can travel in the winter and go to restaurants and not let this flu fear rule me! I am going to get out there and grab life by the balls!” Then I get home.
And I’m back to feeling scared, small, out of control, and depressed by my self-imposed prison. I think back to every winter in my life before about 5 years ago. I never even thought of the flu! I never got a flu vaccine, never worried about it, lived my life normally every winter going to work, on planes, out to restaurants etc.
Now I’m a quivering mess every winter ever since my child was born (who has some health issues). I have this fear that I’m going to get so sick that I won’t be able to care for my child or that I will die and leave my child. It’s paralyzing.
I also have some real health stuff, and it’s odd because the stuff that should freak me out doesn’t. It’s the unknown. The boogeyman.
driving with thoughts like “I’m ok! If I get the flu (my trigger), then it will suck but I will be ok. I need to live life, I won’t let it hold me down, I can travel in the winter and go to restaurants and not let this flu fear rule me! I am going to get out there and grab life by the balls!” Then I get home.
And I’m back to feeling scared, small, out of control, and depressed by my self-imposed prison. I think back to every winter in my life before about 5 years ago. I never even thought of the flu! I never got a flu vaccine, never worried about it, lived my life normally every winter going to work, on planes, out to restaurants etc.
Now I’m a quivering mess every winter ever since my child was born (who has some health issues). I have this fear that I’m going to get so sick that I won’t be able to care for my child or that I will die and leave my child. It’s paralyzing.
I also have some real health stuff, and it’s odd because the stuff that should freak me out doesn’t. It’s the unknown. The boogeyman.