Posting in search of a bit of support...

[.Poppy.]

Hopefully that's okay to do in this forum.

I've just hit a rough patch at the moment. I know it will pass, they always do, but it's just no fun while I'm here.

I'm currently debating buying a house. Based on the rental market here, it just makes more sense if I can find a decent house for the right price. I'm very lucky in that my parents are helping me with the down payment and my dad is very handy, so anything that needs doing he can absolutely help with.

We looked at houses yesterday and found one that would be all right if I could get it for a good price. We're planning on putting in an offer tomorrow. I also have to go meet with a mortgage lender tomorrow. :scared15:

Honestly, I just feel so stupid and embarrassed throughout this whole thing. I work two jobs, my main job I love and it's a good foot-in-the-door job, but it's not glamorous. I keep comparing myself to my brother and his wife, who just bought a house. I wonder if they felt the same way, but then I think, of course they didn't: both have good, solid jobs and they were given $30k for a downpayment by her grandfather. So they had a good base to start with. No lender would laugh them out of their office....but I wonder if they will me. I just feel like a stupid little girl, like I have no business doing any of this.

I thought I'd feel proud of myself, I've always worked, often two+ jobs at once, but I don't. I still have so far to go. I've worked consistently at least twice as hard as my brother and I'm still pathetic and far behind.

On top of that, next week I have to go back in for laser resurfacing for my acne scars. I had to do four sessions of it last year, and it is so incredibly painful that I am very concerned I'm going to have a panic attack while I'm there. I came close last time. This session won't hurt as much because they're not doing the most sensitive areas, and my face is more healed so not as raw, but still.

I don't really have any particular question, just needed internet hugs I guess. I wish I could run home to my mother and have her hug me for awhile. :weep:

[ChocolateButton]

Oh Poppy, :hugs:

You sound like a very sensible and intelligent person and you definitely are not pathetic and far behind. You are perfectly entitled to see a mortgage lender, as much right to do that as anyone else. The fact that you can hold down not one but two jobs, and have a sensible outlook about renting vs. buying says that you have your head screwed on right :D and you can make good decisions.

Keep telling yourself that.

As for your brother and his wife, they may still have worries about meeting their mortgage payments, for all you know, - just about everyone has problems or money worries at some point in their lives, even if they appear to be floating smoothly through life. So I can pretty much guarantee that they will (or will have had in the past) worries or problems of some sort.

But they're not you; you don't need to compare yourself to them because you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are your own person.

You have every right to be proud of yourself. Try not to put yourself down.

Sorry to hear you have upcoming treatment, but if you've gone through it before at least it's not a totally unknown situation so you can prepare for it. Can you let them know in advance that you are anxious, and perhaps ask if they can give you anything to calm you down/help with the pain while you are there? Would you be able to take any music with you (MP3 player or something) to listen to, would that help?
I hate anything painful so I completely understand that you're worried, so I hope this doesn't sound shallow when I say to just try and tell yourself that once it is all over, it will be good in the long run if it helps with your scars. Often we have to go through the bumps in our lives to get to the good bits. :)

So, be confident when you meet your mortgage lender. Good luck, hope all goes well for you. :flowers:

[vicky23]

:hugs:

[Croydonbee]

Never compare yourself to anybody, to their character, job etc. You are your own lovely self. Buying a property is a big deal and you are doing fantastically. Everyone feels unsure or nervous about such things or worried or inadequate. I realised I spent years looking up to people instead of respecting and liking and being kind to myself and who I was. Those you look up to are probably hiding loads of problems. You are more sensitive and insecure, so learn to like who you are!

Try and understand the buying process and take confidence from that knowledge.

And write down all the good things about you, and what you are good at or know about, then write down the faults or annoying things about those you compare yourself too, You'll find you have a lot to offer and it will help your self-esteem.

Always think of the good sides of you whenever anxiety strikes and let that invasive thought pass.

And good luck. we're all behind you.

Nige

[pulisa]

You have always come across as an incredibly hardworking and conscientious person who is also sensitive, kind and compassionate. Who cares what kind of a mansion your brother has got- acquiring assets doesn't make you a better person. People don't judge you on how much money you've got and if they do they are not worth knowing.
I hope your offer is accepted-what a new adventure that would be for you!
I'm so sorry you have to face the laser resurfacing and I hope the pain won't be as bad as you expect. You poor thing-you have been through a lot recently.

Let us know what happens with the house and well done on taking these steps!

[.Poppy.]

Thank you all. xx I am so, so grateful for the support.

I took a clonazepam this morning - I haven't taken one in months, let alone a whole pill. I do feel a bit better, though a bit out of it. I'm working on getting some documents together to meet with the lender and I'll see where it goes from there. I'm trying to tell myself I just need to take things one step at a time - I'll see the lender, I'll make an offer, if it doesn't go thorough that it just wasn't meant to be. It has to work out in the end, right?

I just wish I felt less alone. It seems like it's just me trying to push through all of this - not just the home buying process, but my MH stuff as well. My brother was more coddled. I just had to figure out how to get help on my own. I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself right now. :/

Again, though, thanks for the support. I really need it right now.

[BikerMatt]

Go for it Poppy! Good luck with everything! :bighug1:

[.Poppy.]

Thank you all again :)

I met with the lender today. He was actually very nice. I'm still torn between actually buying vs. renting, which would be more financially suitable as I really want to get my loans paid back ASAP. But we'll see.

[.Poppy.]

Hey all, I'm back. I'm in the process of applying for a loan. I was going in tonight to put in an offer on a house I'm interested in, but today it's showing up as "withdrawn". Google is telling me that could mean a lot of different things - I'm betting, personally, that they withdrew it either because it needs a good amount of work or because it's been on the market a long time. I'm hoping that means I can still put my offer in (which is generous, probably, considering the state of the home) and that they'll consider it. The seller is not currently residing there - he built a new house in the country - so hopefully that works in my favor a little bit.

I'm just exhausted, honestly. This whole process really is incredibly taxing.

[.Poppy.]

I found a house that I like even more, and put an offer in. The offer was a bit low, so to no real surprise was rejected. Now I have to decide if I want to sit and wait and see if the seller is willing to take my offer, or offer a bit more. Ugh.

I really like the house, though, and am afraid I'm too attached to it. I wish I was more savvy in this area.

[KK77]

I found a house that I like even more, and put an offer in. The offer was a bit low, so to no real surprise was rejected. Now I have to decide if I want to sit and wait and see if the seller is willing to take my offer, or offer a bit more. Ugh.

I really like the house, though, and am afraid I'm too attached to it. I wish I was more savvy in this area.

If you really like the house, I'd offer a bit more (if you can afford to) because the vendor is likely to wait for another (higher) offer. If second offer is rejected, I would strike it off list and move on.

[.Poppy.]

If you really like the house, I'd offer a bit more (if you can afford to) because the vendor is likely to wait for another (higher) offer. If second offer is rejected, I would strike it off list and move on.

I do really like the house. But it's a very funky house. It's old, has small rooms, and only has one bedroom that is really more like a small loft space. My realtor says that will turn a lot of people off, especially since there's not really a decent way to even work a second bedroom in. Our plan is to wait until Friday and then contact again with the same offer, maybe raising it if necessary. So fingers crossed. I just wish the whole process wasn't so stressful.

[Magic]

I wish you well with your house Poopy. Don't compare yourself to others with your venture. We have relatives with big houses while we live modestly in our terraced house. Does not bother me in any way. Good Luck :hugs: