Psychological stuff

[theresa]

Does anyone else have a general sense of feeling 'bad' for having their anxiety - not physically bad but I guess it's a sense of guilt, shame or unworthiness but maybe that's because of my accompanying depression. I didn't used to feel this way but it's being going on so long now and I've tried loads of anti-depressants and therapies and I feel I should have improved instead of getting worse year on year. I can do a bit of cognitive, rational stuff and tell myself I'm not 'bad' but it doesn't seem to change the overwhleming feeling. I'm feeling particularly bad now 'cos Christmas is coming, another year ending and I'm no further forward and I'm feeling so hopeless and helpless. I dread almost everything and I can't work out why, e.g. going to visit my husband's relatives - I didn't used to be anxious about them.
I'ved read so much and had so much advice it just goes round and round in my head. Common advice for anxiety sufferes is to learn how to express emotions but most of the time I don't know what I'm feeling 'cos anxiety masks it. Sometimes something happens and instead of feeling something I get a panicky rush and I'm busy trying to work out what I'm feeling and also trying to deal with the anxiety at the same time and then I think what a sad state I'm in for doing this and how far I am from being well again. The same happens if someone says something I disagree with and I get panicky about trying to express my own opinion. My self-confidence gets less and less and that fuels even more anxiety as I worry about how to get it back! Instead of moving forwards, I'm just going backwards!



Theresa

[twister]

I understand what you mean Theresa - I feel kind of a failure sometimes in that I cant control myself from having attacks. Especially when a lot of my friends suffer from them only occasionally or in the past and tell me how they have overcome them - I think why can't I?

[kate]

Hi Theresa, Reading your story could be reading my own story as I feel exactly the same way. The guilt is one of the most awful symptoms,as you are constantly beating yourself up about it. I SHOULD be able to do this, I SHOULD be able to go there etc.It also makes me feel not as good or worthy as other people and I am constantly apologising for being me. I have tried loads of anti depressants and therapy as well and I feel that instead of getting better I am worse now than I have ever been, avoiding anything and everything that I possibly can. Unfortuanately, the only person who can change the situation is you but do you find that as the years pass the fight to change things just goes out of you? I feel like that and now just do what I can do and TRY not to feel guilty about the rest. Sorry I cant give you a magical solution but at least knowing that others have the same symptoms is sometimes comforting. Well take care Kate

[Meg]

Hi Theresa, Twister and Kate,

I found this one of the hardest parts to deal with.
I'd had my 75 year old Mum up and down the country on the trains to stay with me on and off because I refused be home alone . I was racked with guilt.

Accepting yourself is so hard but so necessary. I do national training and run national teams. For the longest time I used to say to people, I'll try to be there but expect me when I arrive and try not to be guilty about the consequences. you've allowed people time to sort out plan B in that eventuality.

Me- miss reliable but it did allow me that space. I looked back and reminded myself of who I used to be and how I would get back there and I am.

Looking back or forward negatively is no helpb at all. Allow yourself to be who you are today but make a decision to do 1 thing each day to improve your situation and get over this. From each little step you can gain confidence and build on it. I remember turning back on the way to the postbox- I just couldn't get that far - 200 yards. A few weeks later I would do that walk every time I felt it was all too much again and remind myself of just how far I'd come in a few weeks.

Stop should ing yourself as it achieves absolutely nothing and instead set one small step for tomorrow. Tell us about it like Luckys nut cornflakes and report back.

Only you can do this. Medications may make it easier but you still have to do it !

Kate is right - the trouble does come when you can adapt your life to your limitations and start accepting that as OK and lose the hunger and will to change. You can still do it but motivation is so hard.

Perhaps we could have a goals and triumphs thread and motivate each other.....


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[theresa]

Thanks for advice/comments, everyone. I'm finding today very hard - we're going to Sheffield tonight to visit my parents for the weekend. My Dad is a carer for my Mum and needs support. Although he knows I'm not well he doesn't know just how bad I feel. What's also whirling around my mind is that I invited them for Chrtistmas and now I think I just can't handle it but I also can't handle the thought of them being alone (my sister often has them but she's going away this year). Also, what would I do instead? I don't want to go to my in-laws, I don't want to stay home, I just feel like running away!

Meg, I find it diffult to think of small steps cos I can get out and about and my anxiety/fear isn't focused on anything except itself I suppose. My therapist reckons I push myself too hard - I suppose it's more an attitude problem, giving myself a hard time. I'm worse when I'm at home, I try to keep doing the voluntary stuff - I feel less anxious but more depressed/suppressed and often feel like I'm on another planet to everyone else. I do try and talk to other people but feel weird - like I'm extremely self-conscious/self aware - one half of me is talking, the other half is observing/thinking about me talking!

Your replies do help though - at least I'm not alone. A goals and triumphs section sounds a great idea.

Theresa

[Meg]

Hi Theresa

I hope you enjoyed Sheffield and were able to help Dad out a bit

Your steps then are not with achieving physical tasks but with making friends with yourself again.It's a similar process of accepting who you are at this time and transforming that slowly.
I agree with your therapist in that being hard on yourself isn't helpful but sounds like keeping your mind active and physically busy does help your anxiety. I was always worse when home alone for long periods mooching about.

The feelings of being estranged are sooo common. It passes. Keep taking an interest in others.

Do you do exercise or do relaxation properly ie Yoga. It helps enormously.

You will be able to cope with Christmas- it doesn't have to be a magazine version !!

You are not alone - there are so many people struggling with this in various forms.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[nomorepanic]

Hi all

Thanks for the posts and replies.

When I was first suffering from Panic attacks (10 years ago now) I was referred to a local counsellor at the doctor's surgery and she did "Assertiveness training for women". I think I had such low self-esteem that this really helped.

I still think I need some more of this though as I do feel worthless sometimes and need to learn to love myself and the assertivness training provides you with the tools to be more positive about yourself.

Something to think about anyway.

Nicola

[theresa]

Thanks for advice once again - it's very encouraging to read positive messages - I just wish I could do it for myself! I kind of realise I'm making things worse with my obsessive thinking about anxiety and how to get out of it and with every new development of the condition it becomes 'O my God, it's getting worse, I never get better just worse' sort of talk. Trouble is I can't seem to stop it, I have no control over my thoughts and I despair very easily. I sleep very badly so that doesn't help and as Kate said, the will to recover disappears. I struggle so much to get a handle on it 'cos it's so free-floating and I can't identify what makes me anxious - it's just there all the time and any other small responsibility or stress sends me even worse. I'm beginning to realise that I must take some responsibility for my state but I also feel I can't do it alone and worry whether I'm getting the right kind of therapeutic help. I'm seeing a cranio-sacral therapist who uses a mixture of touch and talking - she's a lovely compassionate person who I can cry on but I'm not so convinced about the work we do which is a bit 'woolly'. When I'm with her it makes some kind of sense but my doubts all reappear once I'm home and I read all the practical, down-to-earth advice on these pages!

So I managed Sheffield but felt dreadful the whole time 'cos I kept thinking about how I couldn't manage Christmas, but at least I was kept busy instead of spending parts of my day lying on the settee. Thanks for giving me the chance to have another 'moan'.



Theresa

[nomorepanic]

Hi Theresa

It is hard work suffering isn't it? I know how you feel - well we all do!

Congratulate yourself for going out and making it. I tend to be negative and say "yeah I did it but I hated it and I am not doing it again". What happens is that I then start to think about it and decide that I have to beat it. An example - there is a part of the A1 that freaks me out. I do not need to go up as I can skirt round the back and it is not part of my daily drive to work. It has been annoying me, however, because I wanted to be able to do it. I got on the road several times only to turn off and go the back way.

The week before last, I went out in the dark and got to the roundabout and turned onto the A1 - yes I did it!!! I drove up and down twice just to prove it. Yes, I was scared and yes I felt panicky but something inside me told me that I HAD to conquer it.

I got home and told my mum and my partner and they were delighted - how silly must it sound eh? I drove up a road !! But to me it was an achievement and I am learning to congratulate myself.

You will still find me in the Chat room saying that I freaked out whilst driving and how much I hate it, but I do have achievements like this that I shouldn't ignore.

All I can say is do things a little at a time and try to pat yourself on the back and make sure other people do to.

My boss asked me today how the drive was to Leeds last week and I went into my usual "oh it was terrible, I was panicky, I got stuck in traffic .. blah blah". Guess what he said? "Well you did it though didn't you - well done".

Just some thoughts anyway


Nicola

[theresa]

quote:Originally posted by nomorepanic

Congratulate yourself for going out and making it. I tend to be negative and say "yeah I did it but I hated it and I am not doing it again".


Well I've done that lots of times too - but mainly about social situations, particularly meeting up with people I used to work with (I left work 3 years ago and haven't worked since.) My 'circle of life' is getting smaller which I why I then tend to force myself to do things 'cos I'm getting anxous that if I don't try harder then I'll get worse and give up. Another vicious circle.

[quote]The week before last, I went out in the dark and got to the roundabout and turned onto the A1 - yes I did it!!! I drove up and down twice just to prove it. Yes, I was scared and yes I felt panicky but something inside me told me that I HAD to conquer it.

Well done! Thanks for sharing it cos it's good for us all to hear success stories.






Theresa