I'm hitting a bad point again

[Sammyeb27]

This past while I've been super good with not googling anything about my lump, trusting the doctors, and trying my best to help other people with health anxiety. Although it is so improbable I have gone back to thinking I have sarcoma. I was stupid enough to read a post on a separate site about someone's experience with the doctors not recognising their sarcoma. Same thing happened where the doctors didn't recognise their lump on the ultrasound and passed it off as nothing. I can tell my boyfriend is annoyed because I asked him to drive me to get another ultrasound tomorrow.. I'm just so unsure on what to do with myself right now. I've been mostly using this site to help me get over my fear, and staying clear of Google but sometimes I fail at doing that.. does anyone else have extra advice they can give me? I may do therapy soon but I won't until I know what this specific lump is. If I'm right at least my emotional suffering won't be in vain. I've given the best advice I can to other people, so I'm hoping people can give me the same. :weep:

[Anxiousamyj]

Hi Sammy,
The googling fuels your anxiety and causes it to flare up in a bad way again. I would think that the lump your doctor checked out thoroughly, even with imaging is nothing sinister. In CBT, they will talk to you about retraining your brain and your behavior to reduce the time you spend attending to or feeding your anxiety. I was in a bad spiral myself until I stopped googling and checking. I'll bet your feeling and checking that lump many times a day. I was also in a bad checking obsession cycle and would check dozens of times a day, which tells your brain that this is an important thing to be on high alert about. Just because you found stories online about misdiagnosis doesn't mean you are experiencing it. It's pretty rare, and is classic health anxiety. Hugs to you, hope your therapy brings you out of the rabbit hole.

[Sammyeb27]

You're very right! I was doing so well avoiding Google and read that one article and it was enough to heavily freak me out. I've been touching the lesion so much it almost hurts..but I'm addicted to seeing if it changes sizes. Since the doctors couldn't pin what it was it put me in a state of content worry which I'm hoping I'll overcome soon.

[Sammyeb27]

I've done another ultrasound and the nurse had a super hard time getting imagery because of how awkward the lump is located. Awaiting the results are killing me; I'm more afraid to be told they still don't know and need more tests than anything. I've spent months worried about this lump and if it is something sinister I'm afraid I'm running out of time to get the proper treatment I need to survive.

[Anxiousamyj]

When you get your clear results, which you will, you should spend some energy getting some help for the HA. It takes some hard mental work, but you'll be much happier for it. Hope you hear from your ultrasound today.