How to make new friends? [Archive]

Star

09-07-07, 21:32

I find it very hard to go back to my old 'friends' and am totally at a loss as to find new ones. I have a few internet friends that i chat to every now and again but as nice as they are, they're way to far away to meet up with.

I really dont know where/how/what to do really I'm so worried about my anxiety, i'm 23 for pity's sake and feel like the saddest 23 year old there is, i see all my old friends pictures on facebook and stuff and get a bit envious that they're out having fun while i'm holding myself back and suffering. please dont tell me that i'll have to suck it up and go back to my old friends because they are extremally judgemental and dont 'get' whats up with me because its 'all in my head' hmmm its all a bit GAHHHHH!!!!!! (shut up Star!)

:wacko:

nomorepanic

09-07-07, 21:59

I met new friends at some strange places ...

a diet club

the swimming pool

an exercise class

the gym

at work

There are always new people out there to meet if you are prepared to take the time and effort to go out and meet them.

Maybe join a club that interests you so you have something to talk about as well.

Melina

10-07-07, 15:42

Hi there,
When taking some time off work due to anxiety I met some lovely geninue people where I did some volunteer work. I also made some friends at Salsa class. It has helped me meeting people with similar interests which gives you the foundation to start and develop a friendship

psychofatale

10-07-07, 17:32

Hi there,

I am new to the site so forgive me as I dont really know anything about you, but I have been in a similar position to you too. I lost my 'old' friends and didnt feel there was a way back to them but also felt at a loss as to how I was going to meet 'new' friends. I dont have any concrete answers for you, but I wondered if you work, or have children/a partner etc? Its just that sometimes we meet people and make friends without thinking about it, I have realised that I myself am actually a natural loner and enjoy my own company most of the time, but I still need other people to have fun with etc. I have always found friends at social places such as a college course I went on, I made freinds simply because we saw each other everyday and nodded hello and then the friendship was formed. Do you have any interests or social activities that bring you into contact with potential 'friends'?

Lozzie

10-07-07, 18:13

Hi Star :)

I know exactly how you feel, im 22 and because alot of my friends havent heard of anxiety and dont really understand I lost contact with most of them due to not being able to go out.
It is horrible when you realise that actually you only have a few good friends left, but id rather have a few good friends then a load of friends im not that close too :)
I too feel exactly like you and if ur the saddest 23 year old then im the saddest 22 year old :) you are not alone in the way you feel hun :hugs:
If you want a chat feel free to reply to the pm i have sent you :hugs: :hugs:
Take care
Laura xxxx:flowers:

belle

10-07-07, 18:28

Hi..
If you're the saddest 23 year old, i am definitely the saddest 32 year old.
I have NO friends left since i got sick. I work in a pub so i "meet" people all the time, but because i'm not able to go out, whats the point of forming friendships?

I suppose i'll just get on without having friends.

x

honeybee3939

10-07-07, 19:10

Hi Star

You could try your local library also, they usually have a list of all the social events arranged in your area. I joined a local walking group and enjoy it so much, i have met some lovely people there.:)

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

Jen84

11-07-07, 10:58

lucy0927

11-07-07, 12:29

Gordon

11-07-07, 12:31

I have literally hundreds of online friends but friends locally in real life I can count on one hand. There are only 4 people who I'm really close to and can trust. The others are just acquaintances that I speak to from time to time.

I'm stuck in a slightly rural area so the opportunities for clubs and meetings and things are slim and I don't drive due to my illness. I can get into town but not that often.

When I do meet people I can make friends easily as I'm a nice person but it's difficult to get out there to do it.

Gordon

Gordon

11-07-07, 12:32

Oh and I must be the saddest 38 yr old about lol!

Lozzie

11-07-07, 14:55

PM me if you want maybe we (and Laura) should form a group - Saddest 22/23years olds!! :hugs: Just kidding we're great!!

Jen

Lol!! :) Personally I think it would be rather a funky group :winks:
Whereabouts you from Jen?
PM me if you like :D Lets form our "special" group! haha! :yesyes:
:hugs: :hugs:
Laura xxxx:flowers:

mkeeley

12-07-07, 07:27

The one of the worst things about anxiety/PA, apart from the symptoms of course. If your symptoms aren't so bad as to stop you working and going out it's obviously easier, it's when you can't go out to dinner, visit etc because of your symptoms that's it's really hard.

I had to give up work because of my PA's and moved back down from London closer to "home". I now have a few web sites and work from home, but sometimes think of the friends I may never see again which is sad. Making new friends is pretty much impossible as I don't know how I'm going to feel, sometimes hour to hour never mind in days time. So meeting people to become friends with is unlikely.

Hope you find some as it can be a lonely life being a PA sufferer.

Star

11-08-07, 18:05

Hi Star

I could have written that post myself, I'm in the same position as you, seeing my friends facebook pics etc. It actually makes things worse, i do have a few close friends which is lovely but i do understand. I dont really have any suggestions as Im struggling as well but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. PM me if you want maybe we (and Laura) should form a group - Saddest 22/23years olds!! :hugs: Just kidding we're great!!

Jen

I know - i was just looking at all my old school friend's pics on facebook - they've all been to uni and look so happy, its just depressing to see people having fun and doing 'normal' 20's stuff while i'm too afraid to do the same...

hmm.

Star

11-08-07, 18:09

I too could have written that post about me (apart from the fact i'm 25!), I have 1 or 2 close friends, a few colleagues at work that I get on with but apart from that I don't speak to any of my old friends from school. I put it down to the fact that I'm terrible at keeping in touch and I just lose common interests with people. Again I registered on facebook recently and saw all my old friends with lots of people they knew on their profile while mine is pretty low on the friends count. It made me feel very sad and pretty low for a few days but then I realised it was just who I am.

I don't make friends easily but them that take the time to get to know me and who stick around are the ones worth knowing.

I'd love to join a social group and it's something that I think I'm seriously going to look into. I'm tempted to start a night class or something else and I'm going to give it serious thought if nothing else to get me out of a routine and out the house.

Remember it's not how many friends you have, it's the 1 or 2 close friends you have that really count - surely that's all we need anyway! :hugs:

I have one close friend - who lives about 2 and a half hours from me :( i find it very hard to trust my old friends cos i know they all know my 'problem' and i dread to think what they really think of me... hmm...

I'd love to join a social group too but its the going there thats the trouble. the fact that i havent got anyone to go with... uhm..hmmm.. Its hard to find any kind of social groups near me, there was one that had a membership fee and i cant really afford to pay it and then decided i dont want to go...

its a very 'GAH!!!!!' day today....

Nibbles

13-08-07, 22:26

Hi Star,

I'm going to join the club as Im 24 and have only 1 close friend who lives about 2 and a half hours from me too! :sign20:

When I was at uni it was hard to look at all the other students out having a good time. I've always been a quiet person and although I'm happy with my own company it's nice to have some companionship too. At least this thread shows we're not the only ones so I think a group hug is in order!

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w76/jillster30/Smiles/Smile-grouphug-animated.gif

Take care,

Mike

SHYGIRLAJB

16-08-07, 18:55

Hi

I must be the most saddest and boring 30 year old then.

I hate looking at facebook , friendsreunited, seeing your old class mates having a real fun time, etc, and finding out that they are married, having kids etc etc.

I have 2 friends from school, but I think I have scared them away, because they have invited me out a quite a few times, unfortunately I declined, every time and made excuses plus I had no money. Once of my friends had a hen party recently, but I couldn't go because it was a pamper weekend, and going out on the town, I couldn't really afford it and I only knew 2 people(the person whos hen party is 1 of the people) who was going.

I wrote my friend an email asking a question and I never got an answer back, so I guess they are cheesed off with me.

Also I have no self confidence whats so ever, I can't really strike up a conversation with people first, etc the list goes on. I don't like being in a room with lots of people, because I keep thinking they might be talking about you and I would not know what to say(if you see what I mean, daft things like that).

At the moment I prefer to stay indoors rather going out on the town(if I had the money to do so). What doen't help my brother has got loads and loads of friends, I just get so jelous.

shygirlajb

Keep going

17-08-07, 13:55

Hi Shygirlajb, must say i have a similar in the respect to groups of people(don't like large groups). I have more of an issue with keeping a conversation going rather than starting it though.

But recently i joined myspace and have lots of new and old friends to talk to. Even some off this site, some i've met through my anxiety groups as well, the thing you have to do is put yourself out there. I know its hard, but its definately worth it.

Stuart:)

northern_sky

17-08-07, 15:03

I have no friends! This is the only place on earth I am willing to admit this. :weep: :blush: I have even lost a lot of my net friends! So I win in the sad stakes. :winks: My friends are basically my family and some net friends that's it.

SHYGIRLAJB

17-08-07, 16:08

Keep going

17-08-07, 17:55

Hi stu1980

I think I am no good at making conversation full stop, as I would not know what to talk about(if you see what I mean).

For instance, I went to my nephews 4th birthday party, a couple of months back, there was quite a lot of people there, obviously if someone spoke to me first I would answer them back, but it would be like one word answer, I spent most of the day either talking to my mum or just in a corner (bit of a sad thing to do, but I can't really help it).

Another sad thing really, I don't really want to get married, because I don't really have any friends so it would be mostly family, and I am afraid that people might not turn up. I know it is daft but I can't really help it. My partner has not asked for a while anyhow.

ajb135

Hi Shygirlajb, you sound like you know what to say, well write. Its just expressing it in public situations. May be you could go to one of these social anxiety meets, held in most areas of the country. They also have women meets as well. May be you could take your partner as well. Just tell them whats going on in your mind. I'm sure you'll get the support you need, people suprise you sometimes. I've found this out.

Stuart:)

SHYGIRLAJB

18-08-07, 17:00

Hi Shygirlajb, you sound like you know what to say, well write. Its just expressing it in public situations. May be you could go to one of these social anxiety meets, held in most areas of the country. They also have women meets as well. May be you could take your partner as well. Just tell them whats going on in your mind. I'm sure you'll get the support you need, people suprise you sometimes. I've found this out.

Stuart:)

Hi Stuart

I know I probably don't sound really shy and confident when I write on here, because I told you various things.

Speaking to a person face to face is another thing, I find it very hard, I wondering if they are talking about me (just things like that going through my head) etc etc.

At the moment I am not sure about going to the social anxiety meets, plus don't think partner would like to go, as I don't have the courage to go.

Many thanks for answering me.

Cheers

shygirlajb

KittyKate

18-08-07, 23:34

Hi Star :)

How spooky I am in the almost same postition you're in. I had a baby really young.. left school, worked here and there but nothing long term. I just split up with my partner of many years (it was a violent relationship) and had a clean slate.

So its sad I know lol, but I'm 26 and have no friends.

Have read all the replys on this thread and its been very helpfull.

I'm gonna try some of them cause I need to move on in a sense, if you wanna chat pm me x

samtheman

19-08-07, 19:01

Hi Stuart

I know I probably don't sound really shy and confident when I write on here, because I told you various things.

Speaking to a person face to face is another thing, I find it very hard, I wondering if they are talking about me (just things like that going through my head) etc etc.

At the moment I am not sure about going to the social anxiety meets, plus don't think partner would like to go, as I don't have the courage to go.

Many thanks for answering me.

Cheers

shygirlajb

Hi, I am the exact same, I can speak fine on here, or even on the phone but in real life I am hopeless, I can't speak as my mind goes totally blank, Its not that I don't want to but I just go blank. At family functions I am left sitting alone like Johnny no mates in the corner, Like you if someone speaks to me I am fine, I have also noticed I get on better with loud mouths who do all the talking.

I should also add I have not got 1 friend, Do I win an award or something:D. To be honest I'm not really to bothered either, I much more enjoy my own or wifes company, But then I look at the wife who doesn't have anxiety and she doesn't have any friends either, I look at my parents they are the same, I look at the wifes parents again they are the same.

20-08-07, 18:48

Hi Star, i can so relate to how you're feeling. I get so shy and self conscious and i'm trying to make new friends and have recently joined a pliates class, quite cheap and go once a week in an evening. Also i'm thinking of doing a college course. Is there anything you'd like to do at college in an evening? You may make friends that way and you'd have the same interest in what you'd be learning.. just an idea anyway

WanderingSoul

25-10-07, 18:35

Hello everyone, it's been interesting to read all your responses, because I find myself with the same problem too. I am lucky to have grown up in a small town and still stay in touch with a few awesome friends who understand and accept that sometimes I shut myself off from the world for days at a time...

But, like many of you, it can be discouraging to see everyone else on facebook having such great social lives, etc., and here I sit all by myself. But, I know I do it to myself. We all do. I think the idea of joining classes and other groups is a good one. Unfortunately, there is then the phobia about joining...... :)

Guess we just have to keep gently pushing ourselves..... !

boogie-woogie

27-10-07, 00:47

im 27 can i join lol

MissChampers

19-11-07, 10:46

I have 2 friends who i've known for years but they now live in different counties so I hardly see them anymore. I have other friends I met online and I actually plucked up the courage to go up to Manchester the other week to meet them for a night out which was very good. I don't really find it easy to make friends and i've always felt awkward around new people so I tend to stick with people who I feel comfortable with like my sisters. I have 2 children and a partner too so I don't really get much time to socialise but I guess it would be nice to have a close friend nearby who I could confide in and have a laugh with from time to time.

Alabasterlyn

19-11-07, 12:33

About 3yrs ago I got so fed up of having no friends or social life I dragged my partner to a local Social Club. At first it all seemed very nice, they had lots of organised events like Quiz Nights and live band nights and for a few months I was really happy being part of it. I'm not in the least bit shy when it comes to meeting new people and grabbed every opportunity to get along with all the new people I met.

After a few months though we began to realise that everyone there was very cliquey and really the only time they joined us was when the rest of the clique wasn't there and as soon as they turned up we would be left on our own again. Although it didn't bother my partner, as he wasn't particularly bothered about going there anyway, I have to say it really broke my heart as I was so happy to have at long last found somewhere close to go to and didn't have to worry about my agoraphobia making it difficult.

I have found that the older I get the harder it is to find new friends as most people have got their network of friends and don't seem to want to expand it. Or perhaps it's just me.

Bill

20-11-07, 01:43

Friends....Hmmmm. This has always been my hardest problem. When you care for a wife with her illness and for a long time not being able to work, it's been very difficult to find friends of my age.

The friends I do have are either of retirement age locally or of my age but live miles away. I can get out but no groups take my fancy. I keep looking but I've yet to find something. I even tried setting up an anxiety group but there weren't enough people to make it viable. It's a Very frustrating problem!:huh:

Lilith1980

20-11-07, 10:14

I've lost touch with most of my friends in London. But to be honest that was through choice. I found that I would give a lot of myself to be there for them when advice was needed.

But as soon as I needed someone to talk to, their issues were more important or something would "come up" and they would cancel on me. I have two friends from London who I still speak to. These are two people who dont necessarily understand anxiety but are good listeners.

Since moving to Stoke on Trent I havent really managed to make friends outside of the group that myself and my partner share. I have met two people who posted on a website for making friends. They were nice enough people but I didnt think we had much in common and I dont want to meet up with them for the sake of it (ie when I feel lonely).

Maybe I should look for volunteering jobs to do, even one evening a week. I am just caught up in working, trying to handle my anxiety, organise a wedding, and set myself up as a freelance composer so I dont know if adding to this would help right now.

Believe

20-11-07, 11:09

Hello All,

I seem to be in the same boat with you here. I don't make friends easy. We moved almost 2 years ago, an I still haven't made friends. I know my neighbors, but they are busy with their own lives. Most of them don't ask me to go places due to my panic and anxiety. :weep:

My old friends from North Carolina, email every now an again, but they never ask how I am doing. It's hard my best friend of 16 years has disappeared off the face of the earth. This has really set me back big time. :lac:

I often wonder what am I doing wrong? Am I that unlikable? :wacko:

I have made online friends thru this site, but just wish that I had a friend here to share the good and bad with.

So if the club is still going, I wonder if I too may join yall? I will be 42 next month and I have a wonderful husband who works away from home for 2 weeks at a time. We have a 15 year old son.

Right now my friends are my two cats. They give love to me every day.I just wish that we could have a dog, so that I would get out side more, it's hard to walk cats. LOL

Take care and talk soon.

Oceanblue

20-11-07, 11:33

Hi there,

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. It seem's that many of us are in a similar situation.

Since I've become sick, I too cannot really go back to my old friends, well,... just one who I see about 1-2 times a year ! The other friends don't seem to want to understand my illness. But I have a loving partner who is brilliant and so supportive :yesyes: , he is my best friend/soul friend and partner rolled into to one :D.

When time's like this happens, you do find out who your real friends are and the majority of mine are on-line friend's now across the country who have similar illnesses and who can understand these feeling's, we phone eachother too, but yet to meet up as unfortunately they live a fair distant away.

Feel free to PM me if you like. We may even live nearby :) .

Take care xx

Yvonne

29-11-07, 18:14

Well -- meet the saddest 50 year old lol ! A very young 50 I have to admit and I was only 50 a few weeks ago so I'm really just over 49!!!!!

I lost my friends when I moved 50 miles away from them. Would like to go to clubs etc but too scared cos of thepanics.

You need friends when you suffer this dreadful illness - however they must be the right sort of friends - ones who understand. No point in being withpeople who tell you to pull yourself together or that "you are not disabled - you have two perfectly good legs to walk with" - blah blah ad nauseum.

Amongst your old friends is there not one who was like your best friend - someone you were very close to. There must be one. If there is, please talk to this person and tell her how you have suffered and how you need to get back to living your life. If this is a good friend she/he will offer to go out with you - (just the two of you) to get you used to being in social settings like bars clubs etc again.

Star

04-01-08, 19:55

There was someone I was very close too, or so i thought, known her for years and years, since i've been unwell she's spread it round like wild fire to all my old friends and that dosent help as everytime i get a facebook message from one i keep thinking 'hmmm what do they know about me from her?' in my mind i think they're thinking i'm a freak or something. And anyway she was way too forceful when we were friends, everything was what She wanted to do and where She wanted to go.

hmm..I'm finding things very tough at the moment, especially living at home.... i dont know..

looking from this thread we've got a pretty good club going lol! :D

sweet_petite

05-01-08, 00:33

made me feel not so alone reading these posts:)

I too dont really speak to any old friends from school maybe the occassional message on facebook or something, i feel like they think i'm strange or something because i suffered with anxiety/depression at school. i do have 2/3 good friends and a few others who'd i'd class as friends but i always feel like I cant be completely open to anyone and be myself wit anyone apart from my bf.

i also worry about my lack of family, i have my mam and step dad (i'm an only child) but i dont see anyone else and havent done for years, partly due to my depression and I worry I'm a big letdown. i too also have the worry about getting married and noone turning up! lol

i'm 24 btw :)

Bill

05-01-08, 03:38

When we feel alone, it's important not to suffer in silence because we end up feeling even more depressed.

We have to be proactive, reach out, to not be afraid and to not feel guilty for needing someone who will listen to our problems.

We must try Not to "worry" and instead use a positive approach or we'll make our fears reality.

Talking is the only way to get better and to not feel alone. There is Always someone who will share the same concerns. who will understand and be prepared to listen but we have to put in the effort ourselves....as this thread proves.:hugs:

Lilith1980

05-01-08, 15:11

I had my first counselling session of the year today. This subject came up and we talked about me being stopped in my tracks by fear, the fear of making a fool of myself, the fear of people not liking me, the fear of people saying "no" they didnt want to meet up with me.

But, in the words of Susan Jeffers - "Feel the fear and do it anyway". I read this book (when I was 18) because I was looking for answers but I think I was too young to understand the message. Now, I think I could benefit from buying another copy of the book.

A girl who hangs out with our group of friends started working at the same place as me before xmas. I took the bull by the horns and emailed her when I went back into work last week and asked if she wanted to meet for lunch. I was scared about the repsonse but knew I should do it. She said it would be nice to meet up next week :)

My fear of rejection, my fear that people can actually see into my mind that I have these "problems", my fear of saying something wrong, stops me from meeting new people. I also have a perception of not being worth much as a person and this in turn makes me feel like I shouldnt "force" myself on people as a friend.

But I am now challenging my thinking.....if someone says "no", it doesnt mean they dont like me as such. I dont connect 100% with every person I meet but it doesnt mean I dont like them. And even if its because they dont like me then why should that matter to me - at the moment it matters more than it should. I cannot be liked by everyone I meet. I cannot be someone to everyone. I can only be ME and if people dont like ME then thats not a fault on my part, it just means we dont connect. But that's me, accept it or not!

I'm not sure if this is the same for other people, but for me, my fear of what other people think of me and my desire to try and make sure they like me, is because I have a problem with ME. I dont think much of myself so I automatically think others dont think much of me and I know when my thinking of myself improves, so does my perception of what the people around me think of me.

I am looking on internet friendship sites to see if there are people in my area. I have also applied to do volunteer work, just so I can interact with new people.

I think you do have to make the effort, even though it is scary, friends dont land on your doorstep. I'm not saying its going to be a smooth ride, because I will probably be terrified when meeting someone new, but I think we all have to try xxxx

Star

06-01-08, 13:04

I'm not sure if this is the same for other people, but for me, my fear of what other people think of me and my desire to try and make sure they like me, is because I have a problem with ME. I dont think much of myself so I automatically think others dont think much of me and I know when my thinking of myself improves, so does my perception of what the people around me think of me.

I think i'm quite similar, my main fear is that if i'm ill when i'm out with people then they'd think i'm a freak or something. I avoid going out with people because of that fear its a bit of a tough one at the moment but i know when i think better of myself it will give me more confidence etc etc...

I am looking on internet friendship sites to see if there are people in my area. I have also applied to do volunteer work, just so I can interact with new people.

I tried applying for volunteer work - got an email back saying i wasnt right for them (that made me feel low at the time but looking back now it's not so bad) can anyone recommend other websites for volunteer work? Also what friendship sites are there that are free to join? I'm going on a friend hunt lol! :flowers:

Lilith1980

08-01-08, 10:29

Hi Star

I went onto www.do-it.org.uk (http://www.do-it.org.uk) for volunteer work, although I think their website is experiencing problems right now.

As for friendship sites, I registered with Make Friends Online a while ago (just Google it). The only thing is, if you want to email people you have to pay, and sometimes you get people who want "a bit more" but I just ignore them! I have also been on www.gumtreee.com (http://www.gumtreee.com) and you can search in your area for friendships. That's free :)

Star

24-02-08, 13:03

thanks Lilith,

feeling really low and stuck today. been searching for clubs and stuff in my area but nothings really come up... I can't afford to get a membership to a gym etc, and i dont think that i can always go GAH!

it sucks...

Bunty

24-02-08, 15:46

Hi

I to do not have any friends or partner and find it impossible to go out and socialise. Anyway, how can I go to the pub etc when I don't have anyone to go with? At 38 years old I find this extremely difficult to cope with.

Bx

Lilith1980

24-02-08, 16:55

Hey Bunty

How about smoe friendship sites like in my post above? You can get chatting to people and arrange to meet up? Might be a good way to meet people hun

Jo xxxxx

Gryphoenix

24-02-08, 17:51

I'm 22 so don't feel bad there!

I'm not really that social but I really do want to spend time with people, but when I do I feel terribly anxious! I rarely go out with friends and I feel bad that I'm missing out with something that apparently 'eeeverybodyyyy' does, but I can't seem to relax even when out with someone I am good friends with!

I don't have a liscence so that really is a huge part of it. Here in the states or at least where I live, everyone needs a car or has a car! The public transporation sucks. It's too far to walk anywhere and my friends live too far away to walk. So I have to ask someone to pick me up or ask my parents to drop me off and I don't want to be a burden, gas prices are soaring anyway...

I still go to school so I do have school friends but my closest friends have all either graduated or moved away.

I end up making excuses when I'm asked to go to the movies or whatever, I feel like it's going to be such a chore trying not to be anxious and relax and simply have FUN. Why can't I just let go?

I would like more net friends though, except I don't trust those friendship sites and meeting people online, no offense to anyone...>__> The only place I feel safe to meet people is at conventions where everyone is from the online world. :D

I was thinking randomly not too long ago about best friends and I was like, if I ever got married I wouldn't have anyone to be my maid of honor! Most of my good friends are guys (it's probably cause of the program I'm in at school, lol) and I do have close girl friends but no one that I've known a really long time and am super, super close to. I think I might be getting there but I just dunno...maybe I'm being insecure. XD I have a few really super close girl buddies from when I was little but we only talk online and they live across the country.

Anyone up for a PM let me know, I love conversations and meeting new people, especially from other countries. Interational friends would be so awesome. I'm a total Anglophile...:D

Gryphoenix

07-03-08, 03:56

For fast, easy friends, have you ever tried online gaming? It's a good easy way to make friends. Just gotta warn you some people might be mean (hardcore gamers, lol) but a lot are actually quite nice and once you make some allies that get on a lot you can have a lot of fun! MMORPG's they're called where you have to work with other players online to beat the game, etc. You don't have to try anything hard or addicting like World of Warcraft, there are lots of small fun games.

I think getting a hobby and finding a niche that you like will help. Like going to an anime or comic or sci fi convention. You meet new people and it's fun and exciting. Have something to talk about, have things in common, and friends will eventually follow.

Horse

07-03-08, 12:24

Remember what they say;

If your old friends no longer want to know you, they weren't really true friends in the first place.

Kevin.

pink daisy

07-03-08, 14:41

awww Thats really sweet Horse x Very true!!

c700

13-03-08, 21:19

I also totally understand! I have one or two friends but have lost others due to anxiety. I am slowly trying to make new friends like others at the gym and slowly trying to build up my confidence by simply having a conversation with people when i am out and about. If you fancy a chat just pm mexxx

Bunty

18-03-08, 14:49

Everyone has come up with some good ideas but I can't meet up with strangers. I can't even go out with my sister or Mum!!
I'm just going to have to accept that it's going to be a while before i make friends with someone and am able to go out.
I also don't drive which does cause a problem but I don't have the confidence to learn.
There's no helping me at the moment. I basically need a mentor to guide me through things!

B

delta

02-04-08, 00:38

I've been reading this thread with interest, I also struggle with friendships, I've lost a lot of mine (OK truthfully, all of them) over the years, due to my problems. I've tried really hard to make new ones but it's so difficult. I've done evening classes, day classes, gone swimming etc etc but most people seem to 'take a friend' and it's difficult to either get eye contact or strike up conversation - does anyone have any tips? I don't go out to work at the moment so I'm feeling very isolated.

Bill

02-04-08, 01:09

Working can be very stressful and so add to our anxieties if we're in the wrong job but there are 2 social benefits if we feel able to work.

Working with others means social interaction which in turn leads to us gaining confidence.

I can remember when I was 17 and I started my first proper job. I was SO shy that I wouldn't talk to anyone unless they spoke to me first. It took me a long while to come of my shell and I only managed it by finding the right people to talk to who helped me break the ice.

When we're stuck indoors, it's not only very isolating but it means we also lose alot of confidence because we're not mixing with people. We also begin to feel inferior because we don't feel able to do the things others are doing with their lives.

When I was forced to give up work, I lost my confidence and I felt very alone.

Yes, we can go out to group etc but if we have a social phobia, we find it impossible. One advantage of the internet is that it's possible to make friends but at a distance. However, in time it also makes it easier to get to know someone properly to know if they will be a loyal friend or not. Trust can "gradually" be built. Someone who is trustworthy will always have time and patience. To be perfectly honest, if it wasn't for the Net, I wouldn't have any friends or any my age because just like you I feel isolated at home in my caring role.

Of course, on the Net you have to be careful but in a way it's the same when you first meet someone in a pub because we don't have a clue what they're really like. Also when we go into a pub, we feel too afraid to talk, we don't know if anyone will understand us and we can end up feeling worse especially if we attempt it alone.

One other thought is that charities such as MIND and other voluntary care groups provide befrienders to visit people in need and to take them out. They can help people regain their confidence in socialising. My wife started with a befriender and now she has 3 paid helpers who take her out. They've really helped her to learn the skills of social interaction.

Hope that helps.

wrain

04-04-08, 05:38

I know what you mean about the old friends. Before I feel ill, I had a lot of friends that I was always there for, when I needed them, poof, they were gone, to busy with their own lives. I have my hubby, daughter, mom, dad, brothers that I can talk to. I have the fear of being in public so it is hard for me to go out and make new friends.

I am glad I found this forum because I have found that people that do not suffer from these things have a hard time dealing with us. It is nice to find people that can relate to what you feel. Not that I am glad any of you have these things but since you do, I am glad that I have found you all.

I am always here to chat with any of you, if you need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen or just to vent, you can always contact me and I will be there for you.

Take care and goodluck in whatever you are pursuing.

Kym

Richie

04-04-08, 16:35

Yes like Wrain before i got ill used to have many friends but they do go after a time when you can no longer continue with your previous job and hobbies.
There again it can also be hard for them to adjust to this completely different person!!!
have managed to keep a few friends but it's very difficult on both sides isn't it.
luv richie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
luv richie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

jpwn

04-04-08, 22:50

Play world of warcraft, its the greatest joy! You'll forget about having friends :p

pooh

05-04-08, 02:34

Hi!
I think Bill made a great point about voluntary befrienders. It's definately an option I'd consider because having a befriender doesn't mean you have to leave the house if you aren't ready to. They can come visit and spend time with you.
Have a look around and see if there are some in your area, even just to inquire can't do any harm.
On a slightly different note.... I think it's natural for most people that most friendships throughout life are transient things. People's lives just naturally evolve and move away from each other a lot of the time. True friends are rare and acquaintances can be many or not!

I have a 'Friend' I worked beside over 4 years ago. for some reason ( and bearing in mind I haven't seen him since the time he left the place where we worked), he has always now and again texted me jokes. I don't respond and he doesn't expect me to. But I usually get a giggle, other than that we text Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to each other each year. And sometimes it is the oddest of exchanges like this that can help with feeling less isolated.

Don't give up hope!

Lynne x

wrain

06-04-08, 06:08

Play world of warcraft, its the greatest joy! You'll forget about having friends :p

Me and hubby play that game. What realm are you on? We are on Echo Isle.

PUGLETMUM

06-04-08, 07:45

:) hi all, my take on it is that making new friends is only hard to do when we are wracked with anxiety, feeling depressed, loathing ourselves and struggling to make sense of the world - none of these states of mind are conducive to making new friends - you just arent at your best to give or take. you may find yourself giving or taking friendship from entirely the wrong type of person. you may have no control in who you are friends with - you may be so desperate to make new frinds that you infact scare people away? or encourage other people to take advantage of you. i know that when ive felt any of the above really someone befriending me would mean too much to me and i wouldnt ask myself whether i really liked, respected or had anyhting in common with this person!?

when we gain or re-gain confidence, self-love and sel-esteem and we actively find positive ways of overcoming our fears and anxiety, then we are in a fab position to connect an dmake friends when the opportunity arrises. rather than wander the world wondering when someone will po up for you to be a freind to/with, you could spend your time finding out about why you are feeling the way you do and finding things th tmake you feel better - friends cant do this for you an dits too much to expect anyone to help you anyway - thats not really what a friend is about. a freind is someone who likes you and you like them and you feel comfortable and good in their company, they may not always agree with what you say, but they will have your best interests at heart - this isnt easy to find this relationship - and actually few people have truly good friends, maybe they were luckier in who they met and maybe they havent been suffering with the pain of anxiety disorders so putting them in a better positon to have good freindships - to have good friends means you have to be a good friend? :hugs: :yesyes: :flowers: :winks: :D

kashameets

16-04-08, 01:15

all my friends are ones i went to school with apart from one who i ment through a school friend, i say all i mean all 4 of them.
i have lots of friends on facebook but they are not what i would call real friends, i may not have many friends but the ones i have got are real friends.
looks like we are all kind of in the same boat, i have social and agoraphobia so dont go out much and i would never just go up to a stranger and start talking to them.
maybe as we all do have this in common we could all swap email addresses and be each others friends?
or just talk on here and facebook to get to know each other better?
heres a friend hug for all of you:hugs: oh and be warned once im your friend im just like a dog, im for life not just for xmas:D ask my best mate, we have been mates for 23 years and she cant get rid of me:yahoo:

SHYGIRLAJB

16-04-08, 16:08

Hi Everyone

I have just made a new friend from the internet :yahoo::yahoo:. I just hope I dont scare him off now, lol.

We have been talking for a while now, everyday, I must be doing something right, lol.

We send emails, texts etc and I showed him some pictures of me that dont look very nice, and he still wants to talk to me, which is a bonus, lol. (I havent told him about my illness though) incase I scare him off, lol.

I don't know if or when we are going to meet up with my friend, as I dont like going anywhere on my own(bit of a chiken I know, lol). Even if I want to go clothes shopping in town, I try to go with my partner, silly I know. Obviously if I have to go to town to pick up a prescription, or see the doctor, I go straight there and back again.

There are friends out there somewhere, hiding, lol.

Thought I would just let you know.

SHYGIRLAJB

nikkipops

06-02-09, 15:40

Everybody always says how many new friends they've met at uni, but I don't have any. I went to the same uni as two of my closest friends, but due to being scared to meet new people, and go out with my anxiety and panic attacks, I have lost them all. I have a fantastic boyfriend, who I live with now, and my I get on really well with my parents and my brother and sisters, so I don't feel too lonely most of the time, but it is a little depressing to realise that there aren't many people I could turn to if I needed them, and my self-confidence is so low that it's hard to find anyone new to talk to.

Catwoman

17-02-09, 16:21

I am allowed to join? I am 37 and have no friends in real time as it were. I have a few Facebook friends and 107 penpals who I love dearly but no-one I can sit face to face with. I have a very demanding job in PR and politics which takes up a lot of my time, in the spare time I have I run a busy home and family so I don't really have any time after that. The friends I used to know have drifted away.
I sometimes get a bit worried I am not like 'normal' people in that I dont have any real friends, the only people I can talk to in real life are my mum and husband who to be honest are not always very helpful to say the least.:mad:
If not for my penpals I would go nuts. Dealing with anxiety and depression when you have not one soul to speak to is very hard sometimes.

Adam Thompson

17-02-09, 22:10

hi im the saddest 27 year old here.
i have no friends...i lost touch with my last good friend 3 years ago...only time i speak to anyone outside my family is on forums...
if anyione wants to chat/meet pm me

Anxious_gal

17-02-09, 23:05

I have lost a lot of friends because I don't tell them about my anxiety.......
I do have one really good friend, we go most places together and we have all the same friends which is great.
I guess she is my support person in away,
I do have one other friend who knows I have anxiety but has yet to witness how bad it can get,
the worst with going out with new people or friends if is they are not supportive of your anxiety.
i feel much relaxed when I'm with friends that i know wont judge me if i freak out over the littlest thing.
people just love to look down on others way too much, that's why i hide my anxiety, i don't want to be the weird one!
anyways, how about people who live near each other could make friends?
like if you have a problem talking to other people, wouldn't it be great to meet someone with the same issues and ye could help each other out?