Graceski
14-03-18, 18:37
Hi everyone,
I have been suffering for anxiety for a very long time, and have joined today because I feel like I'm on a downward spiral and don't know how to take control.
I've always been an anxious person for as long as I can remember. Always worry about what people think of me, struggle to hold a conversation or make eye contact, always worry about making mistakes at work, and I'm completely obsessive with these thoughts.
I started having panic attacks when I was a teenager, in school assembly always felt like I wanted to just run out, like I couldn't stay in that hall. Then it started with not being able to go to lessons anymore, eventually years later I became agoraphobic and could no longer leave the house, even to go to work. I had to work from home for a year until I finally felt I was able to go out again. I nearly lost my job. It was the most horrendous year of my life. I had a total breakdown because it all became too much and couldn't stop crying for the first 2 weeks. Anti anxiety drugs didn't work, CBT didn't work and therapy didn't work. It just gradually ended up getting better on its own.
And now I've been full blown panic attack free for a few years (still had a lot of anxiety though), but a couple of weeks ago at work I had a very stressful day and had a wave of panic come over me. I felt like I was going to faint in the toilets. I had tunnel vision and it was extremely scary. I was physically shaking and I could never remember my panic attacks being that bad.
Then last week I had another 2 similar episodes. Today, it happened again when something at work went wrong (out of my control) and I felt overwhelmed and had this silly tunnel vision shaking run outside feeling again! I couldn't keep working, had to step outside and couldn't even get the bus home.
I've been through it all before, I know what a panic attack is, but yet my brain thinks totally irrationally and I can't control my own thoughts. I am so scared I am going to go back to that place where I can't even go to work or leave my house. My job is stressful, sure. But I know it's not the job that is the problem, it's my reaction to these situations. I want everyone to like me, which I know as part of life not everyone will like you, but if I get the feeling someones upset with me or anything, I feel stressed and upset. I just can't help it.
I have it in my head I have to be perfect at work, I have to do well, I can't make human errors, and outside of work too I think I have to make friends, I need to move out, I have to find a partner, I have to be more sociable. I put way too much pressure on myself and I can't stop it!
Honestly I just don't know what to do anymore, and I can't go back to how bad I used to be.
Looking forward to reading everyone's stories and getting some tips :)
Grace
x
I have been suffering for anxiety for a very long time, and have joined today because I feel like I'm on a downward spiral and don't know how to take control.
I've always been an anxious person for as long as I can remember. Always worry about what people think of me, struggle to hold a conversation or make eye contact, always worry about making mistakes at work, and I'm completely obsessive with these thoughts.
I started having panic attacks when I was a teenager, in school assembly always felt like I wanted to just run out, like I couldn't stay in that hall. Then it started with not being able to go to lessons anymore, eventually years later I became agoraphobic and could no longer leave the house, even to go to work. I had to work from home for a year until I finally felt I was able to go out again. I nearly lost my job. It was the most horrendous year of my life. I had a total breakdown because it all became too much and couldn't stop crying for the first 2 weeks. Anti anxiety drugs didn't work, CBT didn't work and therapy didn't work. It just gradually ended up getting better on its own.
And now I've been full blown panic attack free for a few years (still had a lot of anxiety though), but a couple of weeks ago at work I had a very stressful day and had a wave of panic come over me. I felt like I was going to faint in the toilets. I had tunnel vision and it was extremely scary. I was physically shaking and I could never remember my panic attacks being that bad.
Then last week I had another 2 similar episodes. Today, it happened again when something at work went wrong (out of my control) and I felt overwhelmed and had this silly tunnel vision shaking run outside feeling again! I couldn't keep working, had to step outside and couldn't even get the bus home.
I've been through it all before, I know what a panic attack is, but yet my brain thinks totally irrationally and I can't control my own thoughts. I am so scared I am going to go back to that place where I can't even go to work or leave my house. My job is stressful, sure. But I know it's not the job that is the problem, it's my reaction to these situations. I want everyone to like me, which I know as part of life not everyone will like you, but if I get the feeling someones upset with me or anything, I feel stressed and upset. I just can't help it.
I have it in my head I have to be perfect at work, I have to do well, I can't make human errors, and outside of work too I think I have to make friends, I need to move out, I have to find a partner, I have to be more sociable. I put way too much pressure on myself and I can't stop it!
Honestly I just don't know what to do anymore, and I can't go back to how bad I used to be.
Looking forward to reading everyone's stories and getting some tips :)
Grace
x